What to do for the upcoming holidays?

[SueS788527]

Hi, all, last year when my husband died, I pretty much forgot the holidays due to many reasons.  This year, I promised myself that I would do better.  I enrolled in a Surviving the Holidays 2- hour session given by GriefShare and internalized what I should do differently.  I would like to have some new memories for this year and am trying to decide what to do.  At the same time, since I have been self-isolated now for over a year, I am realistic that I can only stand being in a busy festive occasion for a certain period of time.  Whatever you decide, remember the words we keep hearing – take care of yourself, only you know how much you want to handle and anything you decide is ok.  This is simple advice from the grievance workshops that I attend, and it is sound advice.  Don’t overdo and remember a balanced approach is ideal.  So, as we are progressing into a new life, we have an obligation to be good to ourselves but also to start relaunching ourselves into society if we are ready.  New memories to be made, new friends to meet, new experiences to savor.  However, as one widow in one of my grievance workshops wisely said, always have an exit plan if your new adventures become too much. I have been keeping that in mind as well.  Take care and stay well. Your friend, Sue

[Janiceww6254]

I lost my husband just two months ago and I am not looking to forward to the Holidays this year.

We would have a party just before Christmas.  Both of us would cook and prepare the house with decorations and lots of food.   I just miss him so much and cry pretty often during the day. He was my best friend, lover and just such a special person. I need some suggestions on getting through the Holidays.  

[LeeS4949]

My thoughts and prayers are with you !

[BeatleloverKT]

@Janiceww6254 This will be my 5th Christmas without my

husband and I still cry. It does get better

but never easier, If that makes sense. You

entertained much more then we did so it’s 

going to be very hard. The first Christmas 

is the hardest. It is important for you to do

what you’re comfortable with but you

should not be alone imo. There is plenty

of alone time in Widowhood. I also highly

recommend a book given to me called

”Widow to Widow” by Genevieve Davis

Ginsburg. You can jump around and read

whatever chapter you need. There is a

chapter about Christmas. It has helped

me immensely. I wish you the best on

this long journey 💜🙏 Kathy

[BeatleloverKT]

Sue, I agree with all you said. Despite having

my family and a few friends for support, many

days I feel utterly alone. Everyone works and

has their own lives and I try not to burden them when I’m down.

And I still get that way, just not as often. I am

trying very hard to look on the bright side, as

they say.

Some days are harder then others. And many 

just walked away when John died, including

his entire side of the family. Lots of hurt to

deal with. I always feel others may have it

worse then me so I try to treat everyone with kindness, even if it hasn’t always been offered

out to me. Bless you on your journey and

during this difficult holiday season

Kathy 💜🙏

[SueS788527]

I am glad that my reflections about the incoming holidays resonated with you.  We are all on this grief journey, some further along than others.  I am happy for those who have family and friends that can be counted on.  That makes a difference in one’s lives, particularly as we go through the pain of loss.  However, there are those who don’t have that support, are more vulnerable, feeling lost and alone.  I encourage you to remember them. Yes, you know these individuals in your neighborhood, at work, in church, synagogue, etc.  Please be kind to them and offer them fellowship in the upcoming weeks.  This could be as simple as a smile, saying hello, exchanging holiday cheer.  They more than ever need to feel the beauty and meaning of the holiday season and the promise of a better new year.  Your kindness can make a difference in someone else’s life and yours.  Your friend, Sue

[JohnS857378]

Think Sue's comment on kindness and fellowship to others is important.Thinking of others is prime! First, Covid era nullified many and most of the social outlets we had. Yes, how can you have a true book discussion via zoom? Second, divorce may have taken our "home", without a home, family & friends do not compensate.

[BeatleloverKT]

Sue, Thank you for your wise advice. Holiday

time can be traumatic, even with the best made

plans. For this Christmas I am upsizing to a full

size tree for the first time since John died. I have

had a tabletop tree for four years and my parents

gave me their tree so it will be honoring them as

well. I decorated my small tree with all Angel

ornaments and a few personalized for John.

I will do that as well with the bigger tree. It is

my way of honoring him for Christmas. I keep

my other plans pretty loose and do what I think 

I can handle. No expectations. My Sons have

been very supportive as they are still mourning

their Fathers loss as well. God bless 🙏