📋 What do we say to a friend who's experienced a loss?

[Spring2023]

➡️To reply, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your text. Click reply button again. ⬅️

Read comments and/or comment.

(1) What have YOU said to someone who is grieving? 🤔

(2) What would YOU like someone to say to YOU during YOUR grief? 🤔

[ny9555]

In my experience, there are no proper words to say and sometimes people will say stupid things while trying to console you.

If you are strong enough, excuse the spoken words and appreciate the efforts. I agree that a hug is most appreciated.

[BeatleloverKT]

I have been giving this topic a lot of thought. I try to be genuine when extending condolences. As I’m grieving my husbands loss, I have certainly learned what NOT to say. I found it less then useful to be told: it will get better, he’s in a better place, stay strong for your kids, and my favorite “I’ll always be here for you if you need me” only to see that person retreat from my life in a flash. I try to be honest and listen to the person speak so I can respond appropriately. Sometimes what you want to say is not what they want to hear. It was for me on many levels

[drkillpatient]

#1) This recently happened to me. I quite inadvertently found out that a very close friend, all the way back from and through high school, had lost one of her adult sons last year (in his 30's). We had only communicated a few times over the years.

I felt really bad for her, so I posted a note via a Classmates account telling her how heartfelt sorry I was, and I could not imagine the pain she must be feeling. Told her to reach out to me anytime. About three weeks later I received a long email from her, telling me how great it was to hear from me. She felt a bit isolated as she is divorced, and her other adult son has his own family, so no one home.

We have now been exchanging emails quite regularly, catching up on 40+ years. So in the end I think it was beneficial for both of us.

#2) Tough question. I have two close adult children, and an extended family by relation and marriage. So I am grateful to have a solid support system already in place. But I am a private person on a few levels, so just "We are here if you needs us." would be nice to hear.