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[Anonymous]

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WE cry, rejoice, talk, share!

Whatever YOU need, WE are here for YOU.

***YOU are a very SPECIAL person and WE want to hear from YOU***

Grief & Loss Team 🤗

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

(7 comments) Marcy @MarcyW882921 , hmmm - do you mean setting up the home you shared with a luv one who passed?

In your case, your husband.

[1] The challenge is the bedroom deciding whether to keep the bed you BOTH slept in. Are you keeping yours? I tend to want "reminders" gone - not things like pictures, just furniture.

[2] Another challenge is maybe the ROUTINE you may have had with him. Maybe a garden, or sitting on a porch for morning coffee or watching TV in the evenings. Now the garden can be THERAPY as we can continue to work in it to "honor" him. As far as TV programs - that one is "emotional" and stepping away for some time helped.

Not sure what you are needing but this is my 2 cents worth.

Luv you STRONG AND DETERMINED lady!!! Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[MarcyW882921]

Thanks Nicole @SpringIsHereSoHappy for weighing in on this topic. All of us are unique as individuals and therefore in our responses to grief.

One of the presenters in the webinars talked about how the minute your loved one passes away your life is changed. The people in this forum certainly know this is true. I think we have discussed the change in one's identity, the search for who you are without that person, and finding one's purpose in life.

Another change is our perception of our living space. Are you comfortable there without your loved one? Can you continue to live there? Are changes needed to improve your comfort level? Is there a desire to "make it your own" reflecting your personal tastes?

I have been very comfortable in my home because I feel love and a presence. I did however do a remodeling of two rooms that we had planned together. I did make selections in the process that reflected my personal tastes. Recently I changed some window treatments and bedspreads that create an even happier place for me.

All the best to everyone who is working through all of these issues.

Marcy

[MarcyW882921]

So...I would be interested in hearing about anyone's journey to create a living space of your own after the loss of a loved one.

Marcy

[mc6844]

Marcy, that is a good topic. Arranging living space is a great way to move oneself forward. Especially if I'm not up to conventional ways like for instance, moving. A counselor pointed out to me that selling my home may feel like another loss. Something that hadn't occurred to me. I did get clutter cleared from my kitchen. Painted the walls. It makes it easier and pleasant. 

[MarcyW882921]

Thanks mc @mc6844 . That is interesting about selling your home being another potential loss. The easier and pleasant changes you made must have felt good! All of this is beneficial information for us on this forum.

Marcy

[mc6844]

Thank you Marcy. You brought up a good topic. Getting stored stuff in my kitchen cupboards cleared was a big job. During the illness I didn't have the time or energy. My neighbor helped me to haul bags of stuff. I was out in the driveway with all this stuff and they offered a hand. Lol I think they were sorry they asked. I also cleared a sunroom. But don't enjoy sitting there like I thought. All in all, my place feels lighter and is easier to clean and manage. I have a very small space. It's fine. We downsized quite some time ago. I also have an owl outside though always out of site. It feels lighter removing items like cups and bowls and items utilized during the illness. New curtains, pillows for couch, coat of fresh paint in kitchen. New kitchen towels, soup bowls and a few dishes. To help food be more appetizing. We can create new where we are. 

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

Yes MC @mc6844 , replacing "small" items/downsizing has really helped me to kind of have a NEW routine.

My daughter "keeps" stuff. Gosh, she will need to rethink her townhouse by the time she gets to my age = will be NO room.

I am very contented in my CUTE Studio Apartment but need to move it offgrid. Tired of my neighbors. So that is priority for when my lease expires. Need peace and quiet in my Old Age.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[mc6844]

Sounds good!

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

📚  BOOK LIST (books read & recommended by Grief Forum members)  📚

(1) So Sorry for Your Loss: How I Learned to Live with Grief, and Other Grave Concerns. Book by Dina Gachman.

(2) Grieving: How to Go on Living when Someone You Love Dies. Book by Therese A Rando.

(3) Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. Book by Martha Whitmore Hickman.

(4) The Love Never Ends (Messages from the Other Side ) by Sunny Dawn Johnson.

(5) The Grieving Brain, by Mary-Frances O'Connor.

(6) When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner.

(7) The Widower's Notebook a memoir by Jonathan Santlofer.

(8) Mindfulness & Grief by Heather Stang.

(9) I Wasn't ready To Say Goodbye by Brook Noel & Pamela D. Blair, PhD.

(10) Life After Loss Conquering Grief and Finding Hope by Raymond Moody Jr., M.D. and Dianne Arcangel.

(11) Different After You Rediscovering Yourself and Healing After Grief and Trauma by Michele Neff Hernandez.

(12) Grieving: How to Go on Living when Someone You Love Dies. Book by Therese A Rando.

(13) The Love Never Ends: Messages from the Other Side. Book by Sunny Dawn Johnston.

(14) Widow to Widow by Genevieve Ginsburg.

(15) Build the Life You Want by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey.

(16) Hello from Heaven: A New Field of Research-After-Death Communication Confirms That Life and Love Are Eternal. Book by Bill Guggenheim and Judy Guggenheim.

(17) When Your Spouse Dies, A Widow and Widower's Handbook by Othniel J. Seiden and Jane Bilett.

(18) On Death and Grieving: A Psychic Medium's Perspective. Jeffrey A. Wands.

(19) Journey of Souls by Michael Newton PhD.

[Therapist4u]

Hi Nicole! Great compilation!

KUDOS FOR ALL YOUR EFFORT & TIME YOU PUT INTO THIS!

Keep on Keeping on!

Take care!          

☮️  🌄 ~Allen 🌈  🎨

[mc6844]

Allen, I agree. Nicole does a wonderful job on this forum. Lots of thought and devotion. 

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

[4 comments] Are you SLEEPING at nights?  🤔

What "helps" you to get those zzz's in?

I DREAD nights.

Some I am AWAKE ALL NIGHT.

Nicole   🤗🤗🤗

[mc6844]

I think everyone has a "window" when they can get to sleep. Around the same time each night. Keeping busy all day, exercise and keeping blood sugar even. Occasionally none of this helps. Then I play a sleep meditation or healing tape. I've read that older people sleep an average of 4 to 5 hours a night. The good news is that morning arises. I know it isn't easy. 

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

[2 comments] MC @mc6844 , I am okay the NEXT morning with NO sleep IF I donot have to drive. That is NO fun at all!!! Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[mc6844]

Agree! I had a night, the other night. But I was looking into the past that evening. Didn't do me any good at all. But we all have rocky nights now and then, no matter what. Part of being human I guess. 

[mc6844]

Nicole I'm sorry you're suffering with sleep issues. Having a cup of hot soup at night might help. Soup has minerals your body needs for many things. Plus it's easy to digest. During the day try eating food that contributes to good sleep like oatmeal, sweet potatoes, salads etc. Building up our systems with nutrients helps sleep. Short walks or a form of exercise gets kinks out of the muscles. Could be your body and mind are going through adjustment to life changes. Not easy, any way you look at it. Except it will more than likely get better with time. Take care, you do such wonderful work on the forum.

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

[1 comment] WE are all at different "stages" of OUR HEALING JOURNEY.

Some of us are making CHANGES that will help us to MOVE FORWARD.

*** Everyone is invited to add THEIR journey to this discussion  🤗🤗🤗

[1] We have Cadee @Cadee2719 who has SOLD HER HOUSE  💃💃💃 and moving to Idaho!

[2] Our "Social Butterfly" Marcy @MarcyW882921 has taken SOLO ROAD TRIPS AND SOCIALIZING!

[3] MC @mc6844 ?

[4] Jonibee @jonibee is TAKING CARE OF HER HEALTH! Anything to add Jonibee?

[5] And me, really need to "socialize"  🙄  but I am getting things SET UP to lay my old head somewhere in Florida.

[mc6844]

The way I can move myself forward now is how I approach things. I'm not convinced we all get healed on this earthly plane  I don't know what the afterlife will be like. I suppose it depends on the level of spirituality at the time of departure. An ongoing process. But I'm sure Nicole is referring to our healing time on earth.

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

MC @mc6844 , whatever way is fine with me!!!  👍

We all have "different" ways of looking at our loss.

Some of us may be suffering mentally, spiritually, emotionally or physically - maybe all.

Bottom line - whatever "healing" you are needing RIGHT NOW is what I am referring to.

As far as the Afterlife, we will join our love ones.  💃💃💃

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[jonibee]

I am still in the appt stage of two more specialist to see because in todays world things are not as fast as we would like them to be..I am happy that Spring is almost upon us so planning for outside garden is on my to do list..I continue to read as knitting is out due to carpal tunnel in one hand and that's a bummer..I think that when I was the caretaker my husband needs took priority over my health needs and now I am facing the music so to speak..I will continue to remain positive in any outcome health wise and attend to that..Hoping all is fine with you all ...One day at a time...

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

Have a PEACFUL day!!!

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[MarcyW882921]

Back at you Nicole @SpringIsHereSoHappy !

Marcy

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

[1 comment] Jonibee @jonibee , those books sound awesome!!!  🤗🤗🤗

[jonibee]

I came across two paperback books that would be helpful in dealing with grief..One is called Zen Gardening by Veronica Ray (A down to faith philosophy) meditation along with starting anew in gardening whether it be small/large. The other one is "Healing After Loss" by Martha W. Hickman a daily meditation for working through grief..Todays messaage "I will read in the times I can be happy-which is what my loved one would want for me"also an excerpt which reads..."Whereas previously our moods seemed simply sad with occssional patches of light, now we may  find an unsetiling variety in our feelings, as happy times seem engrossing and satisfying and then we are plunged into sadness again. Perhaps we can learn to accept these mood swings, recognizing the ability of each, know light gives way to darkness and darkness to light. I believe these two would be helpful to those dealing with grief..I found them at the Salvation Army thrift store with in ones fiancial level...

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

3 comments (Tuesday 2/27/24)

  @CatherineS641676 📸  See Attachment = answers your question IF you still need an answer  📸

[CatherineS641676]

Thank you, my dear friend-I will give it a go, and again-please keep in touch. I care very much about you

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

1 comment [3/6/24]  ➡️*** @CatherineS641676 SEE CORRECTION BELOW**⬅️ (1) Go to the "Grief Forum". (2) Click on "WE are thinking of YOU! Please Stop By To See Us :)". (3) Look at top of window that opens to find "Topic Options". ➡️***Click on "Topic Options"***⬅️ (4) A drop down menu will show. Click on "Unsubscribe" - this will stop all AARP emails for this topic.  💙💙💙

[CatherineS641676]

Thanks, my friend-I'll give it a try in the morning when I am smarter♥️

[RonM32520]

So I have recently lost my older brother to cancer. He fought the hard battle with some victories but ultimately succumbing to the disease. It was hard to watch this process and I supported him in many ways. Now I find myself alone as the sole survivor of my immediate family. I was very close with my family and miss them all dearly. I find accepting the grief seems easier than accepting the loneliness of my sole survivorship. Anyone else have this revelation?

[MarcyW882921]

Ron @RonM32520 , I can't say that I've found accepting my grief easier than accepting loneliness of survivorship, but loneliness is definitely a common topic among survivors. I'm quite comfortable being alone, but have read several articles that indicate too much alone time is not healthy for our intellectual and emotional health. Even though social settings have not been an area of strength for me, I am truly trying to step out of my comfort zone and sign up for activities where I will be among other people.

Marcy