Triple Loss

[donnamaedarlene]

On Oct. 18, 2020 my husband passed away of a sudden heart attack. We were very close and I miss him terribly. It was a second marriage for both of us, although we had known each other since 1961. We met while my first husband and I and he and his wife were stationed at the same base serving in the USAF.  All four of us became good friends. When the guys finished their four years in the service, my first husband and I moved back to CA and he and his first wife moved back to WV. We had no contact for many years. In 1991 I was divorced after raising 3 sons and transferred with my job to MI. His wife died of cancer. In 1992 we were married and could not have had a more compatible loving marriage. After he died in Oct., my mother died less than one month later. She and I were always very close and it was difficult losing her even though she was 97 and not in good health at the time she died. Then one week after she died my older brother (14 months older than me) died of complications from COVID. This is an extremely difficult holiday season for me. I know God will see me through it, and I am thankful for so many wonderful memories of my husband, my mother, and my brother.  A triple punch in less than six weeks has left me with so much emptiness.  I am just so thankful though that we will see each other again when it is time for God to take me to heaven to be with Him and them!

[MichelleB739957]

Good Morning,

My family also experienced a triple loss in 2008. My mother-in-law died in Aug, nephew was killed in Iraq in Sept, he was buried in Arlington in Dec, and my father died in Dec.  We had 10 deaths in 8 years and these were the final 3. It was tough.  It is not the same as losing your husband on top of it all. 

Advice that was given to me, “Be kind to yourself, grief happens when you least expect it.”  Be kind to yourself.  Losing anyone is hard.  Losing a loved one during Covid-19 has been horrible.  Find some happiness every day. You have a reason to be here. Sometimes, that is hard to understand. 
Set a goal and start planning a celebration of life, even though you may not have a date yet.  Talk to friends, even though that can be hard.  

Peace to you and your family and friends.

MB

[fffred]

@donnamaedarlene 

hello Donna, I'm sorry I didn't see your post more recently. It looks so lonely in its own little thread. Perhaps people just didn't know what to say about such a triple whammy, especially at this holiday time of year. 

Not that I really know what to say either. I just wanted to write something to you so that you would know your pain and anguish had been heard in the wilderness. Rather that than just crickets, as they say.

It's so painful to lose anyone dear to us. Family or friend. Parent, child, or partner. 

Your second marriage sounds awesome, you were the right two people for each other at the right time. And that time lasted a long time indeed.

It is sad, but at the end of our lives we are often alone. Family and friends pass on. Unfortunately, there is always going to be the "last one" to go. Sad and bittersweet for them.

I hope your brother was not alone and isolated when he died. With covid that is, sadly, often the case. My sister's BIL died this past June leaving his 96 year old mother. This had diabetes and other issues, not covid. But there were so many people sick with covid in the hospital at that time that he was left in a bed in the hallway, of all places, until he succumbed. And no one was able to visit him because of the pandemic. My wife and I couldn't even visit her mother who passed away in April, due to travel restrictions into Canada, even for citizens.

Well, I sidetracked a bit there but I offer my condolences for your brother and of course your mother.

I'm sorry about the loss of your husband also. He would have been a bedrock for you at the time of loss of your mother and brother.

This sub-forum is not highly active, but in the past I have recommended to some posters that they read through some of the existing threads...the initial posts and the replies. They can offer some comfort at times like this.

-F