Sad

[JoyC123206]

It’s been 15 months since my husband of 50+ years  died and it’s been worst than the first few months were. How do I ever move on?

[SummerOnTheWay1 · Accepted solution]

Dear Joy @JoyC123206 , I am so sorry for your loss my friend!!!

When I lost mine to COVID, I wanted to jump into his coffin to join him.

I was a HERMIT for a year.

Finally did a "few months" of COUNSELING. She let me cry, get angry & helped me to find balance.

Balance of KNOWING, I will "survive" while MISSING him forever.

Do you have family and/or friends nearby?

My only child (daughter) lives in another state, but checks on me EVERY DAY.

My cat "Mister", an indoor/outdoor fellow I took in May 2024 - just when I NEEDED him & he NEEDED me.

I am still looking into "volunteering" but need something with NO schedule. Still NOT ready to "commit" to anything.

WE ARE ALWAYS here for you & hope you will stop by again.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[JoyC123206 · Accepted solution]

Thank you Nicole.  I was a hermit for a long time, still only get out as needed.  Do grocery pickup so I don’t see or be around people. Might see someone I know and end of crying in public.  😢
My only child/daughter is an hour away, I see her atleast twice a week and go stay with her once a month.  I also have a rescue cat that is my constant companion.  Kitty goes with me to my daughters for a few days.  She complains on the drive up but is used to the room she and I share while we are there.

I'm in a couple group grief support groups, one every other week but I don’t feel like it’s enough. Plus I mostly listen and talk only when it’s my turn. 

I would like to volunteer also but like you said, nothing scheduled, only when I feel like I can.

This is really hard, people tell me I need “closure” but that is a very overused word in this situation. Talking one on one helps more than a group or like this by communicating with people on here.  
Thank you, I can agree with what you have said.  

[SereneSeagull · Accepted solution]

Hi @JoyC123206 , sorry for your loss. It’s hard to move a step sometimes, literally & figuratively when a loved one passes.  Something that may be of interest to you is volunteering in a local elementary school.  An hour or so of your time at your own schedule to read to kids in Kindergarten or help them with their alphabet recognition and sounds.    It can be very rewarding and for that small amount of time, it can keep the mind from wandering to that deep sadness that creeps in.  It can also be helpful — to be helpful.  Just an idea, but elementary kindergarten classes almost always need volunteers to read to kids.

[JoyC123206 · Accepted solution]

Thank you. That is a great idea!! 

[SereneSeagull · Accepted solution]

Hi @JoyC123206 , sorry for your loss. It’s hard to move a step sometimes, literally & figuratively when a loved one passes.  Something that may be of interest to you is volunteering in a local elementary school.  An hour or so of your time at your own schedule to read to kids in Kindergarten or help them with their alphabet recognition and sounds.    It can be very rewarding and for that small amount of time, it can keep the mind from wandering to that deep sadness that creeps in.  It can also be helpful — to be helpful.  Just an idea, but elementary kindergarten classes almost always need volunteers to read to kids.

[JoyC123206 · Accepted solution]

Thank you. That is a great idea!! 

[SereneSeagull · Accepted solution]

Just a heads up… @JoyC123206 .   if you decide to do this, contact your area elementary ahead of time, as most need the understandable paperwork ahead of you volunteering.

    Staff will be there for a week or so after kids get out for the summer.  Making an initial call or visit to the front desk staff ahead of the fall return of kids can help with the process, and gear you up for something to look forward to.

    Some schools don’t have a lot of volunteers, because parents tend to work, and aren’t available .  But grandparents or stay at home parents waiting for their own kids to get out of schools are a great way for schools to get the help they so desperately need.  But reaching out before schools get out for the summer is helpful to get you all lined up in the system when schools get back in session.

  As an additional idea, something I enjoyed, beside helping the kindergartners in their class, was volunteering for the first week of school in the elementary school lunchroom.  

   New kids, particularly the Kindergartners during their first week of school in the lunchroom, can be very overwhelmed with all of the things one needs to learn for the first time in there. 

The school that I helped, would have a student number to enter into a keypad, which was hanging on a string/card for each child by the teacher before lunch.  They were so overwhelmed and scared with all the noise and new day jitters.  Then too, many of these kids had their parents open up stubborn yogurt tubes, or juice boxes, milk cartons. And this would be a helpful task of the volunteer.   Then having to navigate holding a tray of food to a table of kids they just met and can’t find, I’d help them to their tables.

So reaching out to the desired school ahead of time you’re ready to go for them on their first week back.  

It’s incredibly rewarding!   And you feel their love for you by helping them.  😀

[JoyC123206]

Thank you, very good advice, thanks for sharing all this information. I would not of thought of all this.

[SereneSeagull]

👍🙂

[JoyC123206 · Accepted solution]

Thank you Nicole.  I was a hermit for a long time, still only get out as needed.  Do grocery pickup so I don’t see or be around people. Might see someone I know and end of crying in public.  😢
My only child/daughter is an hour away, I see her atleast twice a week and go stay with her once a month.  I also have a rescue cat that is my constant companion.  Kitty goes with me to my daughters for a few days.  She complains on the drive up but is used to the room she and I share while we are there.

I'm in a couple group grief support groups, one every other week but I don’t feel like it’s enough. Plus I mostly listen and talk only when it’s my turn. 

I would like to volunteer also but like you said, nothing scheduled, only when I feel like I can.

This is really hard, people tell me I need “closure” but that is a very overused word in this situation. Talking one on one helps more than a group or like this by communicating with people on here.  
Thank you, I can agree with what you have said.  

[SummerOnTheWay1]

Dear Joy @JoyC123206 , I AVOID people who feel a need to tell me that.

I am DRAWN to people who LISTEN. May ASK if I need a hug or a coffee.

NEVER feel something is wrong with you dear friend.

EVERYONE is going to grieve in THEIR OWN WAY.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

---

➡️[*** JOY @JoyC123206 wrote:

Thank you Nicole.  I was a hermit for a long time, still only get out as needed.  Do grocery pickup so I don’t see or be around people. Might see someone I know and end of crying in public.  😢
My only child/daughter is an hour away, I see her atleast twice a week and go stay with her once a month.  I also have a rescue cat that is my constant companion.  Kitty goes with me to my daughters for a few days.  She complains on the drive up but is used to the room she and I share while we are there.

I'm in a couple group grief support groups, one every other week but I don’t feel like it’s enough. Plus I mostly listen and talk only when it’s my turn. 

I would like to volunteer also but like you said, nothing scheduled, only when I feel like I can.

This is really hard, people tell me I need “closure” but that is a very overused word in this situation. Talking one on one helps more than a group or like this by communicating with people on here.  
Thank you, I can agree with what you have said.  

---

[SummerOnTheWay1 · Accepted solution]

Dear Joy @JoyC123206 , I am so sorry for your loss my friend!!!

When I lost mine to COVID, I wanted to jump into his coffin to join him.

I was a HERMIT for a year.

Finally did a "few months" of COUNSELING. She let me cry, get angry & helped me to find balance.

Balance of KNOWING, I will "survive" while MISSING him forever.

Do you have family and/or friends nearby?

My only child (daughter) lives in another state, but checks on me EVERY DAY.

My cat "Mister", an indoor/outdoor fellow I took in May 2024 - just when I NEEDED him & he NEEDED me.

I am still looking into "volunteering" but need something with NO schedule. Still NOT ready to "commit" to anything.

WE ARE ALWAYS here for you & hope you will stop by again.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)