My dad died but it's hard to grieve ...

[JillB718966]

My 92 year old dad died 8/2 after a brief but painful battle with cancer. On 8/3, I discovered that my cousin had been financially abusing him since February when he started using drugs again. I'm finding it very difficult to grieve for my dad when I now have to file a police report, report the abuse to the state, file disputes with the credit union, etc.

I am devastated by the betrayal. My dad was exceedingly kind to my cousin and he took advantage of him. 

[JillB718966]

My cousin is being evicted today from my dad's property, so that's a relief. Thanks for all the support. 

[agoyer]

@JillB718966 I'm so very sorryto hear of your loss - I can't imagine how hard it must be to be grieving for your dad while also dealing with the emotions and logistics of dealing with your cousin's behavior. That's a really hard road to walk and my heart goes out to you. I'm sure you feel a great deal of sadness. And also anger at your cousin for taking advantage of your dad's kindness. So hard. 

There is always a lot to do in dealing with and closing out someone's estate, so this has just made all of that more complicated for you. 

I can share that I've had several loved ones pass on and I've served as executor of their estates and looking back, dealing with all of that kind propelled me forward - it gave me something active to do. The grief will always be there - we will always miss them, but we learn to live with it and eventually we do feel joy and purpose in our lives again. 

That said, if you start to feel like your grief is getting very complicated, perhaps you could use some grief support to help you through this difficult time. Counseling might help you deal with the myriad feelings you are experiencing for both your dad and your cousin - betrayal is incredibly hard to deal with - it's a trauma - and it warrants support to work through it. 

I hope you'll also get the advice of an attorney if necessary in terms of dealing with your cousin's abuse and how it affects the estate etc. 

So glad you reached out. Sending you a virtual hug. I'm so sorry you're going through so much.

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

[Winter2025VA]

Jill @JillB718966 , I am SO SORRY about this. Here you are grieving and now dealing with this betrayal.

Hello AARP Experts Jane @JaneCares and Amy @agoyer , can you stop by to help Jill? Thank you!!!

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

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@JillB718966 wrote:

My 92 year old dad died 8/2 after a brief but painful battle with cancer. On 8/3, I discovered that my cousin had been financially abusing him since February when he started using drugs again. I'm finding it very difficult to grieve for my dad when I now have to file a police report, report the abuse to the state, file disputes with the credit union, etc.

I am devastated by the betrayal. My dad was exceedingly kind to my cousin and he took advantage of him. 

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[JillB718966]

My siblings are trying to help, some more than others The credit union is being somewhat helpful but we will not get all of the money back for sure. Once he heard that my dad died, he really went on a shopping spree. Now he's trespassing on my dad's property. 

[Winter2025VA]

Jill @JillB718966 , I believe in KARMA dear friend!!! His is on the way.  😤

SO GLAD you do have some help. I am here ALWAYS if you need me.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

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@JillB718966 wrote:

My siblings are trying to help, some more than others The credit union is being somewhat helpful but we will not get all of the money back for sure. Once he heard that my dad died, he really went on a shopping spree. Now he's trespassing on my dad's property. 

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[Winter2025VA]

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Good morning Jill!!! I hope you got some sleep LAST night. Stop by when you "feel" up to chatting. I luv hearing from you my friend.

Luv,

Nicole  ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌  (Grief Forum)

@JillB718966 @Winter2025VA 

[JillB718966]

Hi Nicole! I stepped away for a couple days from all the stuff that needs to get done. Back at it tomorrow. We will file a civil suit against my cousin sometime after the funeral on 8/23, assuming we can find him to serve papers on him. 

[Winter2025VA]

Jill @JillB718966 , your cousin is going to "play games" with you, so seek "legal" means to deal with him. Yes, the sadness does creep up on us. Find ways to get through those moments dear friend. Some of us have found Counseling helps (available in person or online). The experts tell us to ALLOW GRIEF = cry, get angry and so on. ALL part of the Healing they say. We will ALWAYS miss them but with TIME we will be able to NOT "cry" as much & move forward. One step at a time = do what cannot wait & let the other stuff wait. What has helped me is to AVOID "toxic" people when possible like your cousin. Your dad will ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. When we get "quiet" they will let us know they are there. My favorite one is the gentle breeze when I am NEAR a tree or looking out my window. That ALWAYS comforted me as a child & still does. Comfort from the ones I lost.

I am ALWAYS here for you.

Luv,

Nicole  ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌  (Grief Forum)

‌➡️‌[*** JILL @JillB718966 wrote:
Sadness is starting to set in. My cousin wasn't evicted yesterday  - he never showed up. We're wondering how soon we can consider his belongings abandoned and start selling them to make up for the money he stole. I did obtain the death certificate today so I can hopefully start moving forward with getting dad's investment money disbursed. He had hospital insurance and cancer insurance, so i need to get all of that processed, too. 

But yeah .... the sadness is hitting now. 

[JillB718966]

Sadness is starting to set in. My cousin wasn't evicted yesterday  - he never showed up. We're wondering how soon we can consider his belongings abandoned and start selling them to make up for the money he stole. I did obtain the death certificate today so I can hopefully start moving forward with getting dad's investment money disbursed. He had hospital insurance and cancer insurance, so i need to get all of that processed, too. 

But yeah .... the sadness is hitting now.