Lung cancer

[TinaT717340]

Hello my name is Tina I'm 62. I was married to a wonderful man. In December of 2019 he started with a single cloth and for the next year he went through a battery of tests. he was put on inhaler because they found out he had lesions scarring basically in both his lungs never got any better but worse. He ended up an oxygen and got extremely worse at one point during the height of covid. I had a call 911 cuz he could not get any Oxygen his pulse socks auction in his system was 54 he was gray he end up in the hospital with double long pneumonia and a blood clot in his left lung that is when he found out that he needed a lung transplant. That was an extremely scary time and I thought for sure I'd be losing him and I almost did. He was o negative in his blood and for the most right he can give blood because anyone can use it when it comes to a transplant it's one of the most difficult ones because you have to have the same blood type otherwise it just wouldn't work and June of 2020 he got a single lung which was for his right one there was too much issues with his left on for that and for 18 months he was amazing and healthy and unfortunately January he started to get a cough again and that's when we found out he had small cell lung cancer in his left lung and that took him on April 4th 2022. It's been 3 years since I've lost him and it's till this time it's still comes and goes in waves on how much I miss him and a times when I don't want to do anything because he's not here I still look around the house and sometimes I think this house has lost its love it's home without him here it just seems empty I have my family my son my step kids my sister my son and my two grandchildren and they make me smile and laugh when I'm with them but when I'm home by myself with my cat that my husband got me before he passed away he called him buddy and I love the name he is my buddy but I don't smile when I'm at home by myself I don't laugh at the comedies on TV like I used to I smile I'm a smirk but they're just something still missing and it's him part of my husband who was I always said the better part of me he made me a better person and just made me see things that I will never have thought of or looked at before he was an amazing man he saw things in a different way and thought things in a different way and I love him for it but it's just not the same he was my everything he was as I called him mild goat. I thought he was the handsomest man I've ever seen and you always thought he was ugly because of the acne pop marks he had on face and his back he had the worst case of acne growing up and I told him I said you are handsome you're not pretty boy handsome you are lumberjack handsome you are rough and tumble and just absolutely gorgeous I don't think he ever believed me and it made me sad. I always called him my tarnish night and he called me his tattered princess because you see this is our second marriage and we met when we were in our late 30s and we have gone past that white night shining armor thing we've had our bumps and lumps of life and I told him being my tarnished knight your armor was rusted and dented your horse had a swayback and your sword had a broken tip and I was your tattered princess I was no longer in a castle window. I was just standing on a big rock my dress was torn and dirty my crown had missing jewels and that was us. We had lived life and we survived whatever it through at us. I miss our laughter holding hands and dancing in the kitchen. There's so many good things I could tell you about him about us but I could also tell you the not so good but that's okay we loved each other so much. 

I read in one of my romance novels once that winter eventually changes into spring and spring goes into summer I never quite knew what that meant but now.  I do. 

[MeganK43914]

Hello my name is Megan I am new here my mom passed away 3 years ago tomorrow from smell cell stage 4 lung cancer losing her has been very diffcult she was my best friend we did everything together. 

[SereneSeagull]

@MeganK43914  

  Just checking in on you tonight.  Hope you’re doing ok.   🙂

[JaneCares]

Hello, Megan. I'm so glad you joined us here. You've received thoughtful replies. We can read your pain between your brief lines.

Did you ever see the movie Harold and Maude? It's from the 70s I think. Quirky film. The young man in it falls in love for the first time. And when Maude is dying, he says, I love you. And her parting words to him are, Go and love some more.

I can imagine that your mother would say that to you now. "You love me, Megan. Go and love some more."

Tell us about your life now. How is the wonderful example of your mother's ability to be your best friend, carrying onward now? What did you do together? What qualities of hers do you carry in your heart, now?

Say more, and we will remember her together with you.

Jane

[SereneSeagull]

Hi Megan.  I’m sorry your best friend, your mom has passed.  The anniversary of her passing tomorrow is hard.  One of the things that has been a comfort to me on anniversaries of the passing of a loved one is to try and do what I think that loved one would’ve wanted me to do, which is to enjoy the things that make me smile, bring joy and laugh.  Hard to do, but doing it as if They were smiling down on me as I did.  

One of my loved ones was an avid bird watcher.  Ironically, on the anniversary of that person’s death, I was looking out the window, and a pair of cardinals were in a bush by my front door calling to one another.  I smiled when I saw those birds right then.

Doing everything as you’ve said, with your mom, many of those things you’ve shared together will not feel the same.  For me, what I’ve done with this feeling of loss is to remember the happy times with that loved one on those sad days that creep in.  I try and move forward step by step in a way that I know they would want me to be happy.  Being happy without them feels like a betrayal sometimes, like maybe I shouldn’t, you know what I mean?  But then, I right myself back up, and remember that they wouldn’t want me to be sad for so long.  That what they’ve always wanted was for me to be happy, and laugh and find joy.

Its hard.  Wishing you a peaceful tomorrow. 

,

[Winter2025VA]

Dear Megan @MeganK43914 , I am so sorry about your loss dear friend!!!

I am glad you stopped by to see us.

I am ALWAYS here IF you need me.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** MEGAN 

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@MeganK43914 wrote:

Hello my name is Megan I am new here my mom passed away 3 years ago tomorrow from smell cell stage 4 lung cancer losing her has been very diffcult she was my best friend we did everything together. 

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[JaneCares]

 Hi Tina,

Thank you for telling us about your wonderful marriage to your husband. It sounds like a marvelous connection. And now you are 3 years out, and still feeling the absence of him very sharply.

There is no timeline or deadline or calendar for grief. So I will not say, time to move on! What I will ask you is, what else is in your life that you enjoy focusing on? Besides remember your husband, and recalling how hard his months and years of illness were on both of you.

What did you enjoy doing with him that you can do with others? Fishing? Going to Casinos? Movies?

What do you enjoy that you just didn’t get around to doing with husband number 2 that you want to do, or get back to doing? Did you always want to learn to quilt? Do you have a pile of paint by numbers that you haven’t opened? Always wanted to learn to throw pottery on a spinning wheel?

You are always going to miss this ruggedly handsome man. Always. What would he say to you if he were an angel on your shoulder? “Go ahead, Tina, I want you to be happy…..”

Write all you want, dear Tina!

Jane