AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Limting One’s Exposure To Grief - A Good Thing?

GailL1 · ‎08-08-2026

I wonder if this is sort of possible and could be why, I and may be others too, decide against building meaningful relationships even with a pet later on in life (and age)?

I really don’t want to ever have to feel it [grief] again - not for a pet and not for a really close friend. I do know that unexpected things do happen and we have to deal with those but it seems that limiting these odds works in my favor.

The less people or animals I know on a deep level, the less likelihood that I will be struck by that Grief. What do you think of that rationale? Sick? Unhealthy? Weird?

Maybe I do use this as a copout to building close relationships - then I have to wonder if for me - is that good or bad?

I often read about the dangers of isolation especially for the elderly - thus far, I haven’t felt any of the negatives - I think isolation from others keeps me mellow, grounded and on even keel - avoiding commitments, schedules and work (since it does take work to build relationships) - makes life simpler- but is life better is the question.

Does not matter whether it is a pet or a human - making and growing that connection opens one up for the inevitable grief - something that I wish to avoid if at all possible.

Relationships bring connection, connections bring caring and sharing, caring and sharing brings exposure to grief.

But maybe all of this comes back to the type of personality or person that we are - I think I live in a community where many are of the same type - liking their solitude - we are cordial, we do help each other but it is a far cry from personal relationships. Although most do have pets - some very old pets - so wonder what they will do when that special pet goes and they are older?

Just ramblings on a Saturday morning before I officially start my day.

IT‘S ALWAYS SOMETHING . . . . .. . . .
Roseanne Roseannadanna

SereneSeagull · ‎08-08-2026

@GailL1 Yes, not odd feeling at all, and I can identify. Why it’s also important for me throughout my entire life to be able to enjoy my own company, going solo dining has always been one of my favorite things, as well as when I was in college years and older with no ties, to enjoy taking solo vacations. I was raised to be able to be self reliant and that has served me well in life.

The grief of losing loved ones can be very painful. As well as the love we give and receive from our pets.

One of the things I think I’ve tried to do my entire life was to have my own interests and independence. Love solo dining as an example. And in college days and older loved solo vacations when I had no ties. If I wanted to be around others I would, but thoroughly enjoyed and was comfortable in my own company, and solitude.

With the companionship of pets, knowing they live shortened lives, compared to ours, realistic expectations etc…. I’ve seen many a person fall into a deep depression after the loss of a loved one as well as their pets.

Makes total sense to me Gail, to limit one’s vulnerability to that pain, by keeping smaller social circle interactions. I was speaking to someone about the social circles I have at my gym. 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80+ year old friends, who for the most part, are proactively staying healthy and enjoying one another’s company. I think in maintaining these relationships, it does seem to help with each of our quality of lives, happiness & well-being along our way. But too, for me, I also enjoy the times I have with no people around… including my immediate family. I think that’s a healthy thing actually, because it recharges me at times.

The loss of a pet can be hard, and my family has had their share. This last one just recently has made my spouse and I make a pact…no more. Too hard to love so hard, so deep, and for short lives, to go through it all over again.

Great topic, and I don’t think it odd to have the feeling of not wanting to go through the grief of losing a loved one, or pet over and over. Can totally get that feeling.