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Trusted Contributor

Best Wishes for a Better New Year

It has been a full year without my husband.  It has been hard to adjust to a new solo life and trying to establish a new identity.  On the positive side, I gained a lot of insight by attending faith-based grievance sessions.  They helped me to get centered and reinforced that I am not alone.  Journaling continues to help and serves as a benchmark on my progress and lapses.  Yes, like others who are grieving lost loved ones, I have my ups and downs.  As I enter the second year, there is still sorrow and loneliness.  The holidays this year were somewhat more bearable, because I knew what to expect.  I decided to take bit size steps to decorate and engage in some holiday events.  Again, as we everything else I experienced, I found new friends who made the holidays somewhat brighter.  However, this did not diminish my feelings of loss. Probably as good as it gets for the time being.  The key I found is not to languish in self-pity and to be more engaged in developing my own self-worth.  One who can handle new challenges with confidence and be more independent and optimistic.  All a work in process, but necessary to live successfully in my new chapter of life.  I have confidence that others reading this post can find peace and comfort for the New Year.  Stay safe and warm.  All my best to you, your friend, Sue 🎇

Regular Contributor

I do pray for a good 2023.  I know there are still terrible things that can happen in my life but the worst has happened in 2018 and 2022.  In 2018 I lost my mother to cancer and didn't think I could possibly get through that, but my husband pulled me through.  But then last year I lost my husband and then my father, both again to that dreaded cancer.  Who can now pull me through?  I know that major life decisions should not be made within the first year but I was all alone in a different state.  So, I moved out of State to be by my sister.  Within 8 months I lost my husband, my job, my home and my wonderful father.  I do know, however, I am lucky to have family to go to.  But, I want my old life back. I really liked my life.  I know, though, until I accept all the changes I can never truly deal with my new life.  With everything that happened I have not been able to have a memorial service for Stan yet.  Yesterday I thought I had a wonderful idea as to how to bring people together and honor his life and felt upbeat.  This morning, however, I woke up in dread and no longer liked the idea and am back in the dark place today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  So I am hoping for a better 2023, however if nothing else I know it can't be worse.  Eileen

 

Honored Social Butterfly

I feel your pain. Change is difficult especially after losing your spouse. There are lots of ways you can honor your spouse until you’re ready to have his service. I honor mine thru music. You will find what works for you. And don’t rush yourself. Have his service when you’re ready. You will know when it’s time 

Honored Social Butterfly

Sue, It’s always great to get your perspective on what’s working for you. Although a holiday without your husband is never great, I want to tell you it does get a bit easier every year. I guess I’m just, sadly getting used to it. I did something different this year with my tree. My parents gave me their tree and all their ornaments and I put up a “family tree” to honor every member of my family who has been there for me. Front and center, of course were my personalized ornaments honoring John but I put up ornaments from every place we ever went together, as well as ornaments given to me by family and friends. My tree skirt was hand stenciled by a dear friend who passed away in 1995. It was the first time I could ever use it as it is rather wide. I have ornaments on there honoring our first Christmas together and also our last. And as a huge lover of Angels, tons of Angel ornaments which honor John. I cried after it was done but it looks beautiful. I had not used most of my ornaments since 2017 so it was a joy to use some of them again. I know he would of approved. I hope 2023 is a better year for all of us. God bless, Kathy 🎄🙏😇

Trusted Contributor

Thank you for sharing your creative way to remember not only John but your family and friend who made the tree skirt.  I have found during my grievance that unexpected and happy memories pop up and allow us to rejoice full circle.  I'm glad you took this approach and like you said sometimes in the moments of greatest pain and sorrow, a light shines through.  I have to admit I cried when I read your post, but they were happy tears. Yes, I guess there are also happy tears.  I wish you and everyone sharing their experiences peace and comfort in knowing this Grief Forum is here for you.  Yours, Sue💖

Honored Social Butterfly

I’m so happy it made you cry happy tears!

They are, after all, the best kind 😅

Social Butterfly

It is comforting to know that others share their experiences in dealing with the loss of a loved one ..Your insight as to what you have experienced in a year shows progress in dealing with your circumstances..  It  gives hope to all that we too may  obtain the same and look back to see how far we have come through our own trials and tribulations...Thank You ...

Trusted Contributor

Thank you.  After all this time, which seems longer than 14 months, I have come to the realization that our loved ones want us to be happy and are here for us in spirit. Their memories through blessings and lessons can help us through this very painful and alone time. I wish you all best in your grief journey.  Sue 🍀

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