🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Winter2024]

THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days].

To participate, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your comment. Click on reply again.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[Winter2024]

[Thursday 9/26/24]

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦  PARENTING AN ADULT & SPENDING TIME WITH THE GRANDKIDS!!!

Jonibee @jonibee , Julie @JulieT507376 & Cadee @Cadee2719 since the three of us have CHATTED about this here - I thought WE ALL may have more to add.  👍👍👍

▶️*** So as you guys know, I "is" 66 today. So my "diva" (only child,a daughter in Florida) sends me an EARLY TEXT (before I made my daily "pestering" call asking her to CHECK IN  🙄),  stating she knows I donot celebrate my birthday, but she is. Includes a RECENT PICTURE of herself. Now guys, this sounds all CUDDLY. But my child is DETERMINED to be in CONTROL of I guess what is a relationship./lol  😂🤣  I had brought her up to VALUE family versus money. Yes, TOTAL OPPOSITE of what happened thanks to mine and his MATERIALISTIC family. Zero luv in the households, folks alcoholics - drug addicts trying to FILL where LUV should have been. So anyway, she has UP TO TODAY "respected" that I told her over the years = I WANT EVERYDAY TO BE MOTHER'S DAY & MY BIRTHDAY. And what I mean't was what the three of us had said. VISIT - CALL - CARE!!! Lol she had gotten angry as she makes a BIG DEAL when her birthday rolls around. EXPENSIVE TRIPS and so on with her friends. Now unless she has ANOTHER job in time for her 38th birthday in January 2025, I guess her wings will be clipped. Total OPPOSITE of me. What I want in MY LIFE IS FREE = CARING. Money does NOT buy happiness. Look all those RICH folks committing suicide. Anyway, rather than argue with her like I USE TO, I sent back an "ok" text. Now TOMORROW, I will be back to calling several times BEFORE she checks in with a "hi" text. Last year I ended up calling for a Wellness Check via her Condo Association. The little s.it (yes the human twin of the cat/lol) was ANGRY with me and had IGNORED ME FOR 24 HOURS. Between tears of WORRY & anger - feeling and knowing she was punishing me, I was ready to have a nervous breakdown. Anyway ladies, it is what it is dear friends Luv, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  This was a good topic to discuss.  As sad as it is to hear others are going through a similar experience with their kids, it made me realize that I was not the only one.  I do not call my son or bother him at all.  I try to do everything by myself.  He will bring the junk mail that still comes to his home over, talk about what is happening in his life and then leave.  He has no interest in my life, my health or anything else.  He will be driving me to my brother's home tomorrow (2 hrs. away via a busy freeway) and I appreciate that.  I will just sit and listen to him talk.  He, talks to me  in a reprimanding voice?  Yes, it hurts but I refuse to allow it to control my life.  I am going to be 81 years old soon.  How many more years do I have here on earth?  I can choose to allow others to make them unhappy years or I can make myself refuse to allow others to control my life and emotions.  We all have been through so much and we DESERVE some happiness.  It is sad, it breaks my heart, it makes my brother very angry but no matter how hard I have tried I cannot change what is.  Nicole, perhaps you should not attempt to contact her every day.  See how long it takes her to contact you.  We have all tried because they are our children, but our trying may only make them resent us more.   I too do not celebrate my birthdays.  I usually receive a generic card from my son.  My friends and one grandson will call and wish me a Happy Birthday.  The mother of the grandson whose father died wants him to FORGET his father and his father's family.  She removed all pictures of my son and refuses to visit the grave.  She has talked my grandson in not visiting it as well.  I am the one that makes sure there are flowers on my son's grave. It doesn't matter that it is my son that made it possible for her to quit her job the day he died and live comfortably and for my grandson to be in college.  She needs to be free so that she can search for the next man in her life.  I pray that one day my grandson will realize this.  He is only 20 so I attempt to stay in the loop and tell him I will always be there for him.  Families are not as close as they use to be.  I come from a huge Italian family and our joy came from simply enjoying a meal together.  We accepted each others faults and supported them no matter what.  Our responsibility is to find kindness and happiness in those that we meet.  Marcy is a good example of this and I admire her.  Nicole, I am happy that you had Mama Mae in your life and Jonibee how blessed to have two daughters at your side. Our responsibility is to take control of our lives and find ways to enjoy being alive.  That in itself is a BIG JOB.

[jonibee]

Relationships in a family can run the gammit..I (we) have four adult children ..two girls and 2 boys..The girls are closer than the boys..One of our sons we are estranged from for over 17 years..not on our part but because he chooses to. The other son takes me to appts but doesn't call to see if I'm okay and I see him on my BD or Christmas..The relationship is strained because of this. Thus the old saying " A daughter is a daughter the rest of her life, and a son is a son until he acquires a wife"...so true atleast in my case...The son that is estranged was a good son until he got married and things went down hill from there..Not that I expected him to be at my beckoning call which I didn't but he use to come and if he saw something that needed doing he did it amiably..So life goes on with or without them...My oldest son tends to be cynical in the way he answers a question and seems stressed out when I see him..He gives one word answers so I don't really bother trying to make conversation with him ..It's like hitting a brick wall..He does a sensitive part to him but it's hidden ..I guess we tolerate each other. The girls are gems and are present all the time  so I don't really have complaints only gratitude...I celebrate BDs quietly as I not a social butterfly and tend to get uptight (my eldest son takes after me I think)...Just go with the flow...Wishing you a great day...for what it is...

[Winter2024]

[Thursday 9/26/24]

Hmmm, where are my two MIA's??? I am MISSING YOU!!!  🤗🤗🤗  and  🤗🤗🤗

MC @mc6844 & Julie @JulieT507376 

[JulieT507376]

Happy Birthday Nicole!  Hope you do something special for yourself.  I’m 66 too!  It’s not so bad!  I can still get on the floor with Sadie and my great grand kids!   Sadie and I are doing fine.  Storms left us without power for a day!  Came back on this morning.  Really need a back up generator out here in no where land!! 

[Winter2024]

[Friday 9/26/24]

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , you did the best you could with caring for your hubbie.

Cadee @Cadee2719 PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE listen to your friends here. As I stated, you do have heart issues.

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  I promise I am taking care of myself.  I have begun the search for the vascular doctor.  The information from Jonibee has been so helpful.  Rheumatologist in November, Family doctor in December.  My brother has someone coming in to do the heavy work.  I will give him his medication, prepare his meals and spend time with him.  Once the surgery on his eye is scheduled, he will come to my home and I will care for him there.  Thank You for caring.  Luv you ❤️

[MarcyW882921]

This all sounds good Cadee @Cadee2719 ! Keep planning and moving forward.

Marcy

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @Winter2024 ,

This is your special day so celebrate you! Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Happy birthday dear friend and may you have many more. 🎂🍨🎶🎉💐💃🏻

Marcy

[MarcyW882921]

❤️❤️❤️

Marcy

[Winter2024]

[9/25/24] SO GOOD to hear from you Jonibee @jonibee !!! Happy Dance Time.  💃💃💃

Would a HEATING PAD help?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** JONIBEE wrote: appts coming up are Lawyer dealing with trusts and Cardiologist just a check up to see if all is okayi..I have a 3 mos checkup wit primary in Dec. I am trying to curtail any more tests as it's wearing me out. I have another leg surgery scheduled after a month or so .Not going to the Endocrinologist because he didn't do anything and the Primary can do the same for less $$..Plus his office didn't fill out the Medicare form correct so it was denied so they have to resubmit it with the right wording..Aggravating..I find that this damp chilliy weather aggravates the cysts behind the knee...Using pain creme and Ibeprofin but careful not to take too many as it can cause bleeding problems...Walk using a canie as sitting doesn't help the cause..Otherwise I'm fine for the shape that I'm in... ***]

---

[jonibee]

I haven't had to resort to a htg. pad the creme/ibuprofen when needed helps and positining the legs either on a raised pillow or laying on one side with legs bent seems to help and of course walking to keep things going avoiding salts or salty foods and going easy of red meat..So here I am needing to watch the carbs also pretty soon what will I eat?

[Winter2024]

👋  How are YOU?

Any plans for TODAY?

NO errands for me, Flu Shot TOMORROW at 8:30am and my 66th birthday.

Anyone got the Flu Shot or planning to?

NOT sure about LATEST COVID vaccine, waiting to see WHEN it is "available" at my CVS. They notify me of stuff via text and email. Grateful!!!

Had a very SAD dream last night = will be a day of Self Care in some form. Not sure WHICH form but NOT in the "mood" for Mr.'s In & Out TODAY. Crawled back into my bed AFTER feeding and watering him. Then put him out again. As usual, when I want him OUTSIDE he wants INSIDE. Not today buddy. We will see how I FEEL as the day surfaces.

DREARY rainy day and disappointed AGAIN of NOT being able to finish Car Spa. Oh well, per my Android Weather app - NEXT THURSDAY sun should be back.

Sick of Storm/whatever Helene. Is she affecting YOUR area?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

         🎶 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, 🎶 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ,🎶  HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR NICOLE, 🎶  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  ❤️🎂   HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY  

[Cadee2719]

  I think the rain and not being able to get outside is affecting you.  I am praying that Helene does not harm my friends in Florida.  Is your daughter in a safe place?  I don't think I could live there as I would be terrified of all the hurricanes.   I am glad that you are taking care of yourself.  I am planning on getting the flu shot, not sure about the COVID.   Today Safelite is suppose to call me and tell me if they found the regulator for my car window.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.  Thank You for forwarding the message for me.  Be safe ❤️

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @Winter2024 ,

I'm glad you are keeping up with your vaccines. I got the new COVID vac before my trip and plan to get my flu vac in October.

Sorry about your sad dream and hope that you follow through with some comforting self-care to get you through the day.🤗❤️

Marcy

[Winter2024]

👍  [9/24/24] REMEMBER - on those days/nights when YOU wonder WHY you are still here??? YOU are still here for the folks who CARE ABOUT YOU!!! So get out of bed EVERY DAY, hug them, tell them you CARE. This way when YOU ARE GONE, mixed in with THEIR GRIEVING will be GOOD MEMORIES. Parents (I am one) OUR KIDS (even adults) need their ONE PARENT - you.  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

It’s sad to say but my adult children and grandchildren are so busy in their lives I’m not sure they would miss me.  I think I have a couple of sisters and a friend or two that would miss me terribly.  Most of all would be that silly dog!  Days will go by and I won’t hear a word from my sons.  I try not to let it hurt but it does.  They are busy with their stuff and I’m not part of it!!

[Cadee2719]

  LOVE this picture. From what I am hearing on this site,  I am beginning to think that it is normal for our kids and grandchildren to be so busy with their lives that we are forgotten.  It is hard and sad for those of us that devoted our lives to them and made them an integral part of our lives.  I honestly think they have no idea how much we miss them.   We still think and worry about them and will do so until we are gone.  I work hard at staying in touch with them, yet not interfering in their daily lives.  It is just so difficult to understand why they are not able to understand that we love them and miss them.  I guess the fact that we are healing from the loss of one we loved so dearly adds to the emptiness that we feel.  

[Winter2024]

📸  [9/23/24] Attachment for Jonibee @jonibee - I am expecting pictures SOON (when you are back to gardening my friend)  🤗🤗🤗

[jonibee]

appts coming up are Lawyer dealing with trusts and Cardiologist just a check up to see if all is okayi..I have a 3 mos checkup wit primary in Dec. I am trying to curtail any more tests as it's wearing me out. I have another leg surgery scheduled after a month or so .Not going to the Endocrinologist because he didn't do anything and the Primary can do the same for less $$..Plus his office didn't fill out the Medicare form correct so it was denied so they have to resubmit it with the right wording..Aggravating..I find that this damp chilliy weather aggravates the cysts behind the knee...Using pain creme and Ibeprofin but careful not to take too many as it can cause bleeding problems...Walk using a canie as sitting doesn't help the cause..Otherwise I'm fine for the shape that I'm in...

[jonibee]

I no longer have a regular garden onliy flower plants in a whiskey barrel and tend to perennial flowers such as Irises,Tiger lilies, Jonquils/Daffodils as I have flowering Golden Chain Tree and Bridal Wreath Bush to look after...I usually buy Mums for the front yard and I have Morning Glory that grows in pot where outside light is..

[jonibee]

Golden Chain treeLilac bushBearded Iris smells like grapesMarigolds and another perrenial flowerTiger Lilies..

[JulieT507376]

Your flowers are beautiful.  Lilacs are one of my favorites!  

[jonibee]

Only one picture I had four more but this gives you an idea anyway...

[Winter2024]

[9/23/24] Cadee @Cadee2719 , I know you are going through ALOT with the situation with your brother.  😭😭😭

I am here IF you need me dear friend.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  Thank You Nicole   Before they do surgery on his eye and nose they need to control his heart issue.  That means stopping his heart to regulate the rhythm.  It is so sad.  He is losing his sight in both eyes due to macular degeneraton and now he will lose the one eye that provided him with some sight.  I will be there for him as long as he needs and wants me to be  He called me EVERY DAY after I lost my loved ones and I am here, safe because of him.  Please keep him in your prayers.  ❤️

[Winter2024]

🗣  Group Discussion: The experts say having a daily ROUTINE helps with OUR HEALING. Any comments?

[jonibee]

Doing daily things such as getting up , fixing yourself breakfast and getting ready for the day helps. Doing daily chores such as bed making, general pickup and listening to the news to keep abreast of what is happening around you keeps you in the present. Also learning something new or keeping up with family or acquaintances is good for the mind and body..Having a hobby be it stamp collecting, puzzles, word search or playing on line games keeps the brain going..Get out for some fresh air if only to walk around the yard be in tune with Nature and the changing seasons..

[Winter2024]

I know for a fact with me "inheriting" Mr.  🐈,  in between the "stress" of ADDED responsibility and expense - I do have to get up to feed him BREAKFAST. Before, I spent WAY TOO MUCH time in bed feeling sorry for myself.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗