changing mom's address

[mm87956984]

Hi, we are selling my mom's house & I am not sure what to change her address to; the assisted living facility where she resides, or my address so I am sure to receive anything important?  thoughts?  thank you!

[agoyer]

@mm87956984 That's a tricky one! Are you her financial power of attorney? If so, I'd change her address to your address if you'll be getting important financial information etc - just to make sure it won't get lost. And you can put in a forwarding adress thing for a certain amount of time. But I'd tell family and friends and anyone who might send her "good" mail to send mail directly to her facility if she takes joy in receiving mail. And you can always bring her mail that comes to you too...

That's just based on my experience with my parents and with facilities...

And yes - be sure to join our Facebook Group if you'd like to! Lots of questions like this come up there and a lot of almost immediate responses will come your way! I moderate the group and @JaneCares helps too with admin duties as well as an AARP colleague, Jen. So between us and the 21,000 family caregivers you get lots of quick responses - it's a nice complement to this online community! Hope to see you there 🙂 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, "Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving"

Take care,

Amy 

[JaneCares]

Dear people, the family caregiving group on facebook as 21,000 people on it. a lot of people avoid facebook but this group will answer all your questions very quickly. just a thought. 

[Spring2025]

[Thursday 3/6/25] Jane @JaneCares & Amy @agoyer , can you guys POST & PIN link to the Caregiving Facebook page in the Caregiving Forum?

I may be wrong, but this would help with finding the HELP needed.

Thanks a bunch!!!

Luv,

Nicole  💛🤗

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[*** @JaneCares wrote 2/19/25:

Dear people, the family caregiving group on facebook as 21,000 people on it. a lot of people avoid facebook but this group will answer all your questions very quickly. just a thought. ***]

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[agoyer]

@Spring2025 I'm not sure how to PIN things! Do you know how? Happy to do it if I can...

[Spring2025]

Hi Amy @agoyer , the NEW AARP Moderator 

@DarrylL35959 can PIN the link for you. I am tagging him & maybe you can send him a PM. We lost the mod we had for years. Thanks, Nicole

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[*** @agoyer wrote:

@Spring2025 I'm not sure how to PIN things! Do you know how? Happy to do it if I can... ***]

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[JaneCares · Accepted solution]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/aarpfamilycaregivers

[Spring2025]

Thanks Jane @JaneCares !!!

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@JaneCares wrote:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/aarpfamilycaregivers

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[JaneCares]

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@mm87956984 wrote:

Hi, we are selling my mom's house & I am not sure what to change her address to; the assisted living facility where she resides, or my address so I am sure to receive anything important?  thoughts?  thank you!

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If you have financial power of attorney, or an agreement with your mom to help her pay the bills, i'd have the mail sent to you, and then you can hand deliver personal mail when you visit (at least weekly). Kind of depends... 

[SusanD103028]

The problem we have is paying taxes.  I take care of my elderly father's bills, etc. but he lives full time with my sister in the next town over.  The state recognizes my address as his taxing district.  They want proof that he actually lives with my sister but all of his addressed mail comes to me.  His driver's license still says the address of his home that we sold.  Not sure how to get the state to recognize my sister's address as his residence.  He pays rent to her.

[GailL1]

@SusanD103028 

That shouldn’t be hard - plenty of elderly have this situations.

An elderly person's "legal address" is the official address used for legal documents and identification purposes, typically their home address, while their "physical address" is the exact geographic location of their residence, which could be the same as their legal address but might also include a PO Box if they use one for mail delivery; essentially, the legal address is for official paperwork, while the physical address is where they physically live.

Legal address would be where legal / financial info would go - tax documents, voting registration.

Physical address would be where emergency services would go if he had a medical emergency or where deliveries to him would go.

If he is paying rent to her - that’s a good indication where he lives.

I don’t understand what this matters to a state?  What is he being taxed on at your location?

Edited to add:  some states will issue state ID’s to those who have no drivers license - 

At what address is his Medicare plan or on his Social Security file?

[SusanD103028]

All of his bills (IE Medicare, insurance, etc) and bank statements, stock statements etc come to my house because I do all of his bookkeeping.  The problem is state taxes want to pay for school taxes at his permanent residence which is with my sister in the next town over.  We want to get him a state ID (his driver's license is getting ready to expire) but they want proof of residence.  All we have is our word that he lives with my sister not with me where all of his mail goes.  In retrospect, I guess we should have had a couple of pieces of mail (bills) go to her house to prove that he lives there.  ?

[GailL1]

Must be a state thing - why in the world would he have to pay for school taxes at his permanent residence when he lives with your sister as his place of residency?  It is her house, right?

As for the state ID - take the old Drivers License and update the address - perhaps using his voter registration as his verification.

 Voter registration has to be linked to your place of residency - so that could prove the place of residency for his id card.  Your sister could also attest that she is his caregiver and he lives with her.  If he were living in an Assisted Living facility in my state, the ID issuer would accept a letter from the Assisted Living facility attesting that he lives there.  

It might be that his Medicare plan needs to be at his place of residency especially  if he has a Medicare Advantage since these plans are issued by area (zip code) - because that is where the rates are applicable and also where the in-network providers are concentrated.  

It does get complicated to live in one place and have financial info going to another but many elderly face this so it seems the state should have a procedure to address it.  

[mm87956984]

thanks for responding!  I do have POA and take care of her bills etc.  I thought it might be easier if it just all came here but wondered what others have done.  thanks so much!

[JaneCares]

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@mm87956984 wrote:

thanks for responding!  I do have POA and take care of her bills etc.  I thought it might be easier if it just all came here but wondered what others have done.  thanks so much!

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what GailL and Astraea said!

🙂

Jane

[rs5766073]

I just changed my nursing home-bound, demented father's address--this is how it worked for me: I called the SSA (800-772-1213) and used the number prompts, picking change of address and when asked, typed in my own SS number (not my Dad's). There was a 55 minute wait so I opted to have SS call me back, which they did. I explained the situation to the rep and she asked me all the crucial info (his and my SS#, plus security info for both us (birth dates, mother's maiden name, where born and the current address they have for him and me). She also asked me what day of the month he recieves his check and I said it goes into his bank account on the 1st but later she said it wasn't on the first, which she said was a good thing (so I don't know what that was about) but she changed his address. Victory! and a big surprise to me because I am not registered as his representative or anything like that with SSA. 

[TMT1023]

It worked!  I can't thank you enough.  The only option S.S. gave on-line was to make an appointment to visit their office an hour away with records and documentation in hand..

[GailL1]

If you have POA, like the others have said, make your address her legal address so all bills, tax documents, bank statements, brokerage statements, Medicare EOB and anything from Social Security, etc. come to your address.  This will be the address that you will use for her for tax document and anything legal.

You could give her Assisted Living address to friends and family who might want to write to her.

Many assisted living places do not have a secured mail box for the residence so keep that in mind.

Sometimes residence may pick up the mail of others by mistake or because they have a mental impairment.

You probably need to change her address officially to your address on Medicare and Social Security.  Sometimes this is a problem when picking a Medicare plan since they are by area but if you are not very far from her, this is no big deal.

If there is a need, now or later on, she needs to add your name to the Medicare and Social Security file so that you can talk to them about any matter.  If she becomes mentally incapacitated, you will have to become a Representative Payee on Social Security - this only means that you are authorized to spend this money for her benefit and will have to account for such with them.

[EveRH]

My elderly aunt lived with me for 2-1/2 years, before she wound up in a nursing home, after hip surgery. Since she already lived with me & I handled her paperwork w/POA, I just told gave friends & relatives the address of the nursing home, because I remember going there & she'd be excited to have gotten a card or letter from someone.

[EveRH]

It depends on a bunch of factors:

- Do you live near the assisted living facility, and will be visiting her regularly to bring her "social mail"?

- Who takes care of her "business mail"; does she handle her own checkbook .. or do you take care of all of that?

You may decide to have important mail sent to your house, to make sure it isn't lost, and you can handle it promptly, but have social mail sent to her .. greeting cards, newspaper, magazines, if you don't visit her often.

[mm87956984]

hi thanks for responding!  yes I am nearby and see her everyday.  I take care of her bills etc.