@rebeccah801143 Unfortunately this is an all too common problem. It's a very complicated process and the paperwork seems endless. I went through it with my own Dad, and had I not had help I might have given up.
Has anyone been helping you with this process? My Dad's estate planning attorney had an attorney on staff who specialized in benefits and he walked us through the process - and even walked our paperwork over to the VA for submission for us. We went back and forth with at least 4 of 5 rounds of them asking for more information. So - if your mother has an estate planning attorney you can ask them for help - they generally do not charge extra for providing help like this (our attorney told me in our state they are not even allowed to charge for it). Even with their help it took us a year.
Another option is to get support from one of the verified Veterans Service Organizations (VSO's). (click on that link and it takes you to the VA site where they have a listing of VSOs). These organizations have volunteers who are well versed on getting through the Aid and Attendance process. VSOs in your area may include the American Legion, Disabled American Veterans, VietNam Veterans of America, Paralyzed Veterans of America etc. Generally, your mother won't need a direct connection to that organization's focus (i.e. she probably doesn't need to be or be related to a Viet Nam veteran for that organization to help). Be aware that there may be waiting lists for some of these organizations, so you may want to try more than one (but if you land with one be sure to let the others know to remove you from their waiting lists).
One more thought - is your mother enrolled in VA health care? If so, she can also get a social worker to help with this process.
Those who can help know all of the ins and outs and how to get things done in the process. I hope this is helpful to you! Please keep us posted! It's an arduous process at best, but getting the financial support is so incredibly helpful it's worth it.
Take care,
Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert
Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving