This is a long read. Sorry.
My 90 year old mom seems to gradually be fading away.
I don't know how to cope or handle the changes or change in general.
I'm 40, been living with my foster mom since 11. When I came she was in her 60s very active and alive. Always working, cooking, participating in outdoor activities, always going somewhere, always hosting holiday dinner, watching grands, going to the gym to exercise, etc ... She lived an active full life.
Several years back we took in another foster child who was the same age as me when we took her in...we had to give her up at 16 when she just refused to listen, go to school, come home, etc... When she left the decline and toll it took in my mom began to become prevalent.
My mom stopped working, and leading the active lifestyle she had previously lead.
October 2018 my mom was hospitalized and almost lost due to what doctors felt was an epileptic seizure.
Although she recovered, her memory was permanently affected.
Since New years eve of 2022 up untill now, she has been hospitalized on and off about 4 times already. Twice she spent 6 days in the hospital.
The doctors believed it to be a "mini" stroke and also diagnosed her with an aphasia disorder.
While she was having these mini stroke episodes each time her language was garbled and distorted. She would often repeat phrases, she wasn't able to properly communicate with me. She could not formulate complete thoughts or sentences.
So far since the start of this month (Feb) she has not needed hospitalization.
The hospitalization took a major toll on her.
She frequently is extremely tired, fatigued, and her memory has further decreased, her communicative skills have improved but sometimes the aphasia comes and goes.
I have remained living with her throughout the years, still currently live with her ..I am her caregiver.
She has 4 son's and family that don't do much for her, except occasionally take her to appointments, and call her. They have distanced themselves from her in the passing years.. It wasn't like this when I first arrived. The family unit was strong and united..
Ever since she has gotten older, and stopped hosting holiday meals, they have tapered off.
Our house is slowly falling apart.
We have been after her son's for months about major house repairs, but they have yet to complete it.
They give the excuse of being "too busy", but yet they have very active social lives.
My mom has always been an enabler and constantly coddles them and makes excuses for their behaviors and actions.
Ever since I arrived, I haven't been apart of their family. They have always shown disinterest in me as a person. All of them have always been super fixated focused on and joyous about the fact that I have always been here to help and take care of their mother.
They have always bragged about this to everyone. In all the years I've been here, all or most of the conversations we have are transactional and of a business nature. "Open up the door.", "Tell my mother this and that ", "what type of medication is she on", "who are her doctors", "How is she today?" , Etc...
They all don't even know anything about me, never bothered to ask. They don't even know my birthday, my last name, my age, etc...
None of them have ever spoken to me, they speak at me.. mom included.
When my daughter of fur passed on almost 2 years ago (tragic horrific story in which I was blamed. I was the only one concerned about her health, everyone ignored me and her and our pleas for a month..up untill that day ).. no one consoled me...they consoled mom, always constantly calling her. Extending condolences to her, etc...
My mom has always verbally abused me insulting and offending me often. She still does off and on.
She's never trusted me and has never given me any credibility or believed me and only me about anything.
When she doesn't understand me or doesn't agree with my opinions... it's her often telling me that she can see why my biological family didn't want me, that she can see why I don't have friends or a husband..... She labels me as "difficult" and saids a husband would kill me..smh.
When the handyman use to come and do work ..he was highly inappropriate with me and would say sexually explicit things to me. Along with our currently flirtatious exterminator. I told her about these things, and she has basically said that I should make myself scarce because she was still hiring them.
She has never been this way with any family nor strangers. It's just me.
Her son's have also been verbally abusive and have been very manipulative in order to get their way.
They have also vaccine shamed and bullied me. I have health and mental problems. I have a bad heart condition that makes everything very difficult for me to accomplish. I am permanently unemployed for the remainder of my life.
My doctor highly advised not to recieve the shots because of my health problems.I told them.
They all threatened to kick me out, and told me that if I didn't get the shot that I would be killing their mother. That her death would be because of me and how I wouldn't want that on my conscious. My mom would argue with me basically saying that I should get the shot for her..and I must not care about her if I didn't get it. I told her what her children said to me, and she didn't see anything wrong with it.
Against my better judgement, I got the shot and have had adverse reactions and side effects since.
My days are generally spent in silence and alone unless my mom asks me something or wants something.
This has always been though.
The previous home that I was in treated me terribly too. They abused me every single day, multiple times a day during my 2 year stay..and they never were bothered with me. They made me watch their two biological kids (2, 3) all day while they stayed holed up in their room together.
Present day, mom sometimes gets paranoid and goes on rants about how I'm not giving her the correct medication,(her medication has changed since arriving home) how it's probably my fault that she had been hospitalized all of these times, (er doctor blamed her primary doctor for her previously taken medications. Noted he felt it was too much and didn't need to be on those so he changed it). Her primary doctor had given her a summary sheet of medications printed out doing her last appointment 5 days ago and told her to learn it.
This was a very bad idea. She has trouble understanding alot, and has been constantly picking it up throughout these 5 days..in an effort to force herself to remember and understand.
These 5 days she has questioned me constantly about it. I have explained it to her multiple times and she doesn't get it.
She has called her doctor and was explained to clearly which she understood one day, and the next day after she didn't remember speaking to him and was once again confused.
I told her that she's just not going to understand and that she should trust me. That I have been giving her the correct medication.
Still doesn't believe me.
Mom got upset with me today after she send me on a food run downstairs 3 times within 10 minutes bringing her food for her to return it and request something else..neither eating anything..she got angry that I said I cannot continue to run up and down the steps in this fashion ..as I have serious health problems too. She got snippy, and condescending saying that she just will do it , because she is tired of my "complaints". That was the only thing uttered from me.
I feel like the "end" is almost here for her. She has recently been omitting a unfamiliar odor, her appetite has drastically decreased, her clothes hang off her due to weight loss, one of her eyes has been partially closed, when she looks at me sometimes she seems like she's far away, eyes glazed (it has also been said that perhaps dementia may be setting in)
Does this sound like she's going to pass soon, perhaps within the year??
How do I know if it's dementia setting in??
What do I do with myself and life if she passes before me?
I'm 40, permanently unemployed, semi bed ridden, no income, no biological family, I've never had a friend..nobody has ever taken an interest or wanted to be bothered with me ever since I was a child, I have severe social anxiety, anxieties, PTSD, I don't like people, I don't like being around people, I am in the house 24/7, etc...
What do I do if they kick me out??
I feel like giving up on life.
