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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, โWell, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. Iโm not sure the IRS finds that believable.โ
โIโm a great gambler, and I can prove it,โ says Grandpa. โHow about a demonstration?โ
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, โOkay. Go ahead. โ
Grandpa says, โIโll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.โ
The auditor thinks a moment and says, โItโs a bet.โ
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditorโs jaw drops.
Grandpa says, โNow, Iโll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.โ
The auditor can tell Grandpa isnโt blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpaโs attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
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โWant to go double or nothing?โ Grandpa asks โIโll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.โ
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides thereโs no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he canโt make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditorโs desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpaโs own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
โAre you okay?โ the auditor asks.
โNot really,โ says the attorney. โThis morning, when Grandpa told me heโd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that youโd be happy about it.โ
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