My wife of 50 years ...

[la5944]

My wife of 50 years has an altered mental state due to sepsis.  She's in the hospital now but demanding to return home instead of a skilled nursing facility.  She hallucinates and is quite angry with me for not jus taking her home.  Since her hospitalization, she cannot walk or even stand up.  Of course, I'm not angry with her..I love her...but I'm devastated that she cannot return to the life we had before sepsis.  I sit here sobbing.

[la5944]

II've been there and understand...when my wife was admitted to the hospital last year, she, too hallucinated...I'm not to make light of your situation but my wife demanded I take her with me when I left the hospital and I assured her I couldn't because she needed the medication, the IV's, etc.  She refused to accept my word for it.  I went into the hallway and asked the first person I saw, who was a visitor, to just stp into my wife's room and tell her she couldn't leave due to her situation.  She did and my wife just said, "OK".  That was the end of it.  I see you wrote this last year and I hope things have improved for your wife and yourself.  Unfortunately, my 88 yo wife fell and broke her hip and femur 2 weeks ago.  She can't stand nor walk either and the rehab place is wondering if she's going to recover sufficently to walk and stand up by herself.  We've been married 52 years, had no kids, and all we have is each other.  

[aidenwalker]

I'm so sorry. This hurts so much. What you're seeing is probably sepsis delirium, which can make people confused, angry, and see things that aren't there. It's not really her talking, even though it seems like it is. It's good that you're not taking her home yet. It wouldn't be safe if she couldn't stand or walk. It's okay to feel terrible; you're grieving a sudden change while still loving and caring for her, and that takes a lot of strength.

[SereneSeagull]

@la5944   I don’t think you’ve noticed, but you replied to your own post from last year, and didn’t realize the post was yours..  Which is why it probably struck a chord with you.  Your wife is a lucky woman to have such a patient spouse.  Be well to you both.

[JaneCares]

Dear husband of 50 years, I am so sorry you are going through this with her: she must be miserable, and so, thus, are you!!  She is going to be very weak from her sepsis and stay: everyone who is in the hospital loses ground because of de-conditioning due to being in bed most of the time, but also because of the illness and its treatment, which take a lot out of a person. She may be demanding to be taken home, but you know that is not possible right now.

I would ask the doctors and nurse/case manager/discharge planner to tell her that rehab/ nursing care is best so that she can grow strong again. Don't carry that burden all by yourself. 

Also, when a person has been in a hospital and also a skilled nursing/rehab bed, they are eligible for skilled home care: PT maybe OT, an RN. And sometimes, a home health aide. For only 2 or 3 weeks but its something.

Does she have an underlying illness? Dementia, or Parkinson's or something? Or is this just a bad patch?

There are lots of supports for taking care of her at home, although absolutely the bulk of the care falls on you. Do you have children? Does she have any able bodied siblings? If she needs ongoing care, its time to enlarge the caregiving circle beyond just you, dear husband.

The other member of this group pointed out the facebook caregiver page which has over 21,000 people on it.  Just join facebook if you aren't already on it, friend me if you like, and then add this group. Answer the questions as you join. https://www.facebook.com/groups/aarpfamilycaregivers

Take care, keep writing!

Jane Lincoln

[la5944]

Thank you.  We have no kids or other relatives so it's on me.  Anyway, she is now in snf-the hospital didn't think she was suitable for rehab yet.  Mentally, she is fine again.  She gets PT everyday and is discouraged she can't get out of bed by herself.  Her therapist thinks her issue is that her fear of falling is stopping her from trying to stand even with assistance.  Prior to sepsis, she had balance issues but was OK using a walker.  At times, she needed help standing up from a chair.  She has a power lift chair; toilet extenders; and pillowing to raise her height when seated.  Our hope is that when she is able to get out of bed, using a walker for support, she'll be able to come  home.  I miss her like crazy.