Appreciated your comment re. patience .
I have discovered that stress levels are a huge issue indealing with the infirmaties of old age. My wife of 50plus years had two strokes the end of 2017
as well as a failed hip. This has resulted in huge increse in stress for both of us as she is now requiring hands on assistance with everythng she does other than feeding herself. She is pretty much wheel chair bound also.
we also discovered that some friends we thought we had have pretty much disappeared. Talking to one of the the response was we just do not know how to deal with jan or what to say. pretty sad.
However, thankfully, a good many of our friends are still with us What we have done is kind of a coming out party with 15 couples we know invited. It is a celebration for Jan's being able to get thru the stokes and deal with her situation. Was wonderful all of our friends were absolutely astounded that we did this.We got many thank you's and was a wonderful way for these couples to see that Jan was still functional mentally and to some degree physically.
As Jan now has a caregiver 4 hours a day for 5 days a week she was able to assist jan and I with the preparation.
We are going to have a second pre Christmas get together but this time it will be a mid morning buffet with home made cinnamon (sp?) rolls, Kisch, coffee,
juice, and mimosa's.
All in all the cargiver has been a godsend.
I want to thank you, also, Jim, for your story. It takes guts AND creativity to invite people into your home to see Jan and to celebrate the journey you BOTH have taken on. Wow. People learned a lot when they came to your home. "We don't know what to do or say to Jan" was a cop out, although very human and understandable. Everyone who were brave enough to attend your gathering were blessed by new knowledge that you both are hanging in there, and if anything like a stroke happens to anyone else, it IS survivable.
The other thing i want to applaud is your hiring of a paid caregiver. I'm glad you can afford it and glad she's turned out to be such a help. So many people hesitate, even if they can afford the help, and care-recipients are worried that they won't like this stranger who's in their home. But most of the time it is a huge relief to have someone who can be with your loved one, make a meal for them, perhaps bathe them.
You both are amazing, and lucky to have each other.
Please keep us posted. You've already enriched my understanding of how to cope with caregiving ENORMOUSLY.