30 year old long distance sole caregiver for both parents,

[EwH833799]

As the title states I am 30 years old and basically the sole caregiver for my elderly parents. I live 2 hours away. My mom is basically wheel chair bound due to a stroke 10 years ago, My father has also had a stroke and heart attack in the past. They are becoming increasingly dependent on my husband financially and whenever something happens. The past 6 months have been nothing but hospitalizations, rehab over and over, my dad has wrecked a car we bought him a new one because he couldn't afford  one... It has just been one thing after the other the past 5 years, I am at my wits end. They rely on social security only for income and live in a rural area. I spent the past couple of days with them and it became clear that my dad cant even manage my moms medications and she is a diabetic and he gives her little debbie cakes. I cant afford in home care and neither can they. Maybe I am terrible but I cannot see quitting my job, sacrificing my future retirement to care for them.  

[Jen]

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@EwH833799 wrote:

As the title states I am 30 years old and basically the sole caregiver for my elderly parents. I live 2 hours away. My mom is basically wheel chair bound due to a stroke 10 years ago, My father has also had a stroke and heart attack in the past. They are becoming increasingly dependent on my husband financially and whenever something happens. The past 6 months have been nothing but hospitalizations, rehab over and over, my dad has wrecked a car we bought him a new one because he couldn't afford  one... It has just been one thing after the other the past 5 years, I am at my wits end. They rely on social security only for income and live in a rural area. I spent the past couple of days with them and it became clear that my dad cant even manage my moms medications and she is a diabetic and he gives her little debbie cakes. I cant afford in home care and neither can they. Maybe I am terrible but I cannot see quitting my job, sacrificing my future retirement to care for them.  

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@EwH833799 - Hi and welcome to the community. First, let me say, that you are doing the absolute best that you can and the thoughts and feelings you are having are completely normal. Question, is there anyone else in your community (near your parents) that you can rely on for support and help? Aunts? Uncles? Siblings? Healthcare providers? Church members? You need help. 

I encourage you first to download or order a copy of our Prepare to Care Guide HERE. Don't let the name fool you, clearly you've been caring for your parents for some time, but this guide might help you uncover resources that you may not have considered. 

We also have a Long Distance Caregiving Guide that you might find of use. You can download that HERE. 

Please come back and keep us posted on your journey! 

[SandraB622802]

Hello,

I know this will probably not be of any help to you but I too back in the day had to take care of mom and dad by myself because I am the oldest and the most responsible. I remember thinking just like you that this is really something to take on at my age and I have brothers and sisters and nobody would help me. It was amazing to watch others see me struggle with our parents and stand back and do nothing. It was hard, but I did it anyway as best I could and I was a single mom myself. I prayed real hard. I put a plan together, I saved my money and I did whatever I could and continued to work full time at an outstanding university where I still work. Mom and Dad are no longer here, but I did my best and honestly, you will too. I will not try and pretend that there weren't times I just wanted to give up, but I when you think about it....if you don't do...who will?