I am overwhelmed (one month in)

[cbcarroll]

Mom fights me every step of the way.  currently in transition from broken hip, in rehab but insurance says she's discharged.  Made it 3 hours at home and took her back (not covered) due to home phone disconnected and she insisted there is no password on her cell phone so that gets disabled every time she tries to dial out for 16 hours now, could not leave her alone. Taking her to find a new general doctor this morning, her previous one died 2 months ago and she didn't tell us.  She was independent before the last fall but has become worse in the hospital/rehab for a month.  Continues to argue about everything and insists she "can do it herself". As an added complication, we have never really gotten along.  When taking her back to rehab it was a prolonged screaming event.  My husband and I are struggling.

[mc6844]

How good of you to care so diligently for your mother. I know from caregiving experience what a toll it takes on your physical, mental and emotional health. There's hardly a minute to care for oneself as there's always something dire going on. Try to think beyond this experience and value your own health. It's good you're sharing here as it always helps someone else. Know that you are loved and cared for always. Take care!

[HollyM142811]

Before anything re cognition is recorded in a chart, you might want to review if your mom’s will, etc., are in order. It can be hard (if even possible) to draw up a will if she has already been recorded as having cognitive decline. Also, unless someone else is on her bank account(s), lockboxes (where life insurance is), etc, they might be inaccessible. Has she told you where her legal papers are stored. Has she designated someone to talk to Social Security if she no longer can (can get the form via SSA website).  I don’t mean to overwhelm you further, but if she can give you this info now, it will be helpful in the long run. 
My mother & I have butted heads for 70 years; I know how difficult your position is. After my health failed 29 months ago, I had to make some changes. Now I have one 5-hour block per week on Wed. I run quick errands, go to Mass & book study, and go with a friend or two for coffee. It’s amazing how regenerated I feel when I get back. Now…honestly, it doesn’t last, but I have something to look forward to now …so much better than being mired in the never ending same ole without a break. 

[SmartCareGuide]

My heart goes out to you. A broken hip and a month in the hospital or rehab can leave someone very different from the person they were before. It’s not uncommon for older adults to become more confused, anxious, or determined to prove they can still do everything themselves.

Right now, it sounds like you’re dealing with several problems at once—her recovery, technology issues, finding a new doctor, and a difficult relationship that existed long before this happened. That’s a lot for anyone.

If I could offer one suggestion, it would be to tackle one issue at a time instead of trying to solve everything at once. Getting established with a new primary care doctor is an important first step. It would also be worth asking the doctor to evaluate whether there’s anything besides the hip recovery contributing to the sudden change in behavior, especially since this seems very different from how she was before the fall.

For the practical challenges, sometimes small changes can reduce everyone’s stress—a simplified phone, a written contact list, or other tools that make everyday tasks easier while she regains confidence.

And don’t forget about yourselves. You and your husband have been thrown into a very stressful situation, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard. You’re doing the best you can in a difficult transition.

[SereneSeagull]

Hi @cbcarroll , There are a lot of people here who have been where you are.  Look up your nearest,  Area Agency On Aging organization.  Google and find the nearest one and give them a call.  They can provide you with a great resource of information and direction.  It’s incredibly hard doing all of this and feeling overwhelmed.  And it can get crazy very fast. All you can do is take it one step, one day at a time, and remember to take care of yourselves in the process .  👍🙂

[aidenwalker]

That all sounds really difficult. It actually can really quite often see such a slide following a stay in the hospital. Your doing a job under very tough circumstances don't be be afraid to tell the new Dr that you require a cognition assessment and help with a safety care plan.