@joycep568305 wrote:
My names Joyce, both of my parents have dementia. Tonight on the phone with mom was tuff.
My Dad has no patience with her or anyone who won't answer him fast enough. He's yelling more and more and gets angry so fast.
I don't know how to deal with this type of constant anger, yelling, and no support from anyone else in my family. I literally have no one to talk with. I don't know how to talk with him when he's yelling and angry over little things.
Family says I take things too personally, shouldn't let things upset me so much.
Is there actual support groups on here?
Any suggestions would be great. God bless and thank you.
Joyce Pennington
Hi Joyce,
You got some great advice there.
I am frustrated right along with you, with the lack of support from your family. Easy for THEM to say you're taking it personally. Although, in fact, they are right. Let me explain. Your parents' brains, both of them, are not working properly, and never will again; they will only get worse. Dealing with anger, confusion, stubbornness, is all part of dementia, and there are strategies. There are a couple of things you can do.
One is read the book called The 36 hour Day, which describes what it's like to be a caregiver for someone with dementia. It goes over all kinds of things that will give you perspective and tips. I used to work as a geriatric care manager, and once was hired because 86 year old Mother was getting evicted from Assisted Living because of her anger! Anger is a thing, with dementia. So reading the book might help.
Can you go with them to see their doctor? Can you ask her or him what might help with agitation and angry outbursts? You can fax questions to the doctor before the appointment, so your parents don't have to hear you say, Doc, is there something we can do about his ANGRY FRICKIN' OUTBURSTS. There are medications which help. Seriously.
As Astraea asked, are they in assisted living already so they don't have to worry about meals, or housekeeping?
Why won't your family help? What excuses are they using? Who says they get to cop out and leave it all to you? Let's counter their selfishness. Talk to me. To us.
It's easy to say, don't take their behavior personally, but at the same time, you don't have to put up with it either. What pisses your father off, or is it just everything?
Write more?
Jane