Caregiving at Home (Problem)

[efbaker51]

Question please help!!!. I know it is really up to the person needing care from a home health care service in which she does now. She has a woman that comes out six day a week, two hours a day now after the other lady had to stop because she could not work on a Saturday. She has a woman now that started on the 16th of April and really work in cleaning and the work that she is suppose to do. She had her oldest daughter working that was hired from a service over a year and she, the daughter was told by her brother’s wife that the patient said wasn’t doing anything except set and texting on the phone for an hour and thirty minutes but did give her mother a shower. Now her other two daughter went this past week and filed for a job and both had been accepted. One of her daughters was at her mothers home this morning and got a call and said she was hired and just three houres later her other daughter was hired and each one wants the job. What would anyone who reads this do if you had a choice to accept just one if the first one did not do her job? As I see it and heard that each one is telling hheir mom to tell the service that you want me to work and take care of you and the other says the same thing. If she tells one then the other will get mad and so will the other if her sister gets it. Should she keep the woman she has now or take one of her daughters and have one to get mad and never come back to see her at all and will think that the mother patient cares more for one and not the other? This is going to bee rough on her by having A-Fib and more at 67 years old. Any responces without questions?

[barefootwt]

Keep the lady who is already on sight!

[efbaker51]

Thanks. By all you have said helped a lot. I know that this may show up as James and not myself but there is a problem in not showing my name. My wife started out in July 2015 with a caregiver and then another one so she had four in all within 8 months and her last one stole my meds and I reported it and the very next day our oldest girl showed up and said I'm mom's nurse. She had been working here until three weeks ago when our son's wife called her up and stated that we were talking about her that started her in on my wife and said she quit as of now. My wife did not have a nurse for three days until the following Monday and she worked but on that Thursday said she doesn't work on the weekends. That messed up things and our middle age daughter was here and said she would go and apply for a job there and the next day our youngest daughter came over and said the same thing. As for my wife and myself it is very hard to tell the company to hire either one because it would make the other one mad at us and say we do not trust her so family will not work when the home health wants family together. She had one to start last Monday and she does her job more than anyone we have had even with the daughter my wife had. Thanks for your advice and I hope I got this right this time in posting.

[JaneCares]

I agree with Amy's advice. Hire a professional, and have family do stuff that families should do. I know it seems as though a home health aid should do more than sit and play with their phones, but part of their job is to be a presence just in case. It helps to be very specific about what you and your wife want the aide to do. 

What else do you need here? If your daughters aren't getting along or are competitive with each other, perhaps you all could sit down with, say, your pastor, and try to work things out? Just a thought.

You have a lot on your plate. Please keep writing us. We learn from you as you learn from us.

Jane

[agoyer]

@efbaker51 Oh my what a complicated situation! I'm surprised that a home health agency would hire family members just for the purpose of caring for your wife. Does your wife receive Medicaid? Perhaps that's the connection. At any rate, if you've got someone who is doing well and works out now - I hope that can continue and therefore not involve your daughters as they are hopefully providing support in other ways as caregiving is a family affair! All hands on deck and everyone is needed in some way! 

Wishing you and your wife all the best - she's lucky to have an advocate in you!

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

[agoyer]

@efbaker51 Hi! I want to help but need to clarify - is this a situation where biological children are being hired by an agency to care for their mother and their mother has to choose which child to hire? 

Or is this a situation where the patiet feels pressured to hire the daughters of one of her former caregivers? 

If the latter, I don’t think she should feel pressured to hire anyone who has already proven they won’t do the job! Keep looking! 

If the caregivers are related to the patient thats more complicated. Can you clarify?

Thank you! 

Take care,
Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert
Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones