Caregiver financial compensation from estate

[JaneW406160]

I was my moms caretaker since my Dad passed in 2015 . Mom had many Dr appt chimo treatments 2 times weekly I keep a wheel chair in the trunk of the car shopping upkeep of her home from A-Z . I never had time off. I eventionally moved in to make it easier . Mom got really bad within the first year I moved in. Hospital bed in living room  in December she passed 27th of March. Mom wanted and we were in process of me buying the house but she was more important and that never happened. Mom aslo wanted me to keep a log of everything I did for her and research what it would have cost her if she had to pay for it all. she also insisted I write this down and we both signed it. I kept a journal. Now my Brother the executor of the out dated will wants me out of the house. Said after he list the house I can try to buy it current market value, which will be much higher since I upgraded the intire house and property . I asked him how could he he knew me and Mom had the agrement he denied knowing and I said after everything I did to the house he claimed he was the one that did it all not me then I said how about me taken care of mom by myself all this time he said and I quate " We all thank you for taken care of mom" with a putting me down tone of voice and arms flaring. He said he wants me out of the house now. What can I do? Please I need help. I dont know what to do since I had to be with mom 24/7nI lost my Job im on unemployment and I moved in with my 2 dogs that need a yard mom loved my dogs. Im in PA bucks county . Can I be compinsated from the estate ? Can I enforce the agreement I had with my mom on the price we agreed on and still purchase the house?

Nancy

[SierraWinds]

GOD bless you for all your hard work and your kindness towards your mother. I can't believe how awful siblings can be towards one another after a parent passes. I worked for a probate attorney for a short time and saw some really unkind things. I don't have any advice for you other than to continue to try to work with an attorney. Your keeping track of all you did should eventually help you out, I would think. Definitely try to fight him legally over this. The courts see all kinds of ugly things and I would like to believe all that you did to help your mother would shine through in a court battle. Best of luck to you.

[AmandaSingleton]

We see a lot in the probate world, that's for sure.  Emotions and conflict tend to go nuclear when loved ones pass away.  

[AmandaSingleton]

Hello @JaneW406160 /Nancy:  First, please accept my condolences on your parents' passings.  It sounds like it has been a long four years for you since your father passed on.  To now have uncertainty of your home and conflict with your brother (on top of your grief) is a lot on your plate.  And thank you for reaching out on this forum.  There are many caregivers, myself included, who've had to handle some difficult family aftermath after their caregiving duties ended.  I hope we can collectively help you feel supported and  give you some guidance on how to proceed from here.  

I understand that finances are tight due to unemployment, but my first recommendation would be for you to find a probate attorney who is licensed in Pennsylvania to consult with.   Seek one out who will provide you a consultation appointment at little or no fee.   Call your state bar association or local bar association for recommendations if you don't know where to start.  

It raised a red flag to me where you said that you believe the will is outdated.  This is something that an attorney can talk to you about.  Also, they can review any agreement you had with your mother and let you know if it's binding or if it gives you any legal rights.  Even if it doesn't, having someone representing your interests will help you to negotiate with your brother and perhaps even mediate a solution.  

My heart goes out to you.  Please keep us posted on your progress and take care.

[nw042266]

Thank you Amanda for being so Kind and supportive.
Things are only progressing worse and worse with my oldest brother Executor of the Estate. I tried to get advise from a local probate lawyer as you suggested I am not having any luck as I tried all suggested practises that the local bar gave me mot one has free consultations I did make an appointment and had to cancel my Dog had to have surgery which eat up my unemployment unfortunately. My brother has at this point the majority of our family on his side , I learned how he accomplished that and now Im humiliated on top of trying to greve . He is not a nice person. He first gave me moms car said mom wanted me to have it he took it because Im fighting him on not getting out of the house ASAP so he can sell it I said how could you after all ive done, he said what did you do Ive done everything.. I wish I had a better update

[JaneCares]

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@nw042266 wrote:
Thank you Amanda for being so Kind and supportive.
Things are only progressing worse and worse with my oldest brother Executor of the Estate. I tried to get advise from a local probate lawyer as you suggested I am not having any luck as I tried all suggested practises that the local bar gave me mot one has free consultations I did make an appointment and had to cancel my Dog had to have surgery which eat up my unemployment unfortunately. My brother has at this point the majority of our family on his side , I learned how he accomplished that and now Im humiliated on top of trying to greve . He is not a nice person. He first gave me moms car said mom wanted me to have it he took it because Im fighting him on not getting out of the house ASAP so he can sell it I said how could you after all ive done, he said what did you do Ive done everything.. I wish I had a better update

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Hi Nancy,

I am so sad about your situation. Amanda has given you sound advice. I looked up the Pennsylvania Bar Association and they have a $30 fee for consultation, it looks like: http://www.pabar.org/site/For-the-Public/Find-a-Lawyer. I know you are nearly broke and have a sick dog. When it rains it pours, sometimes.

This kind of 'fight' within a family happened to my father's cousin's family after my aunt took care of both parents and then cut everyone else out of the will, I do wish your mother had somehow made it clearer what she wanted to have done after her passing. I hope you can find an attorney who will help you mediate a kind of settlement from the estate. You deserve that and more, but some cash settlement would be a minimum measure of fairness. The law is pretty rigid.

I would recommend that you find free counseling in Bucks County to help you with the grief and emotional trauma of this fight, and help you make decisions. If i remember correctly, Bucks County is a pretty posh place and it would be hard for you to buy the house even at a discount. You might feel supported and empowered by having a therapist listen to you and provide suggestions, whatever happens. I've benefitted from therapy so many times as i've dealt with huge life changes and painful situations. Here's what  i found: http://www.buckscounty.org/government/HumanServices/behavioralhealth.

Thank you for sharing your story, and please keep us all updated. As you can see, hundreds of people have read your experiences here. And a word to all of us: get the legal stuff straightened out BEFORE the person dies. Sigh,

You will rise up from this. It's a long road, but we are rooting for you.

Jane