Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[LydiaN586309]

Old Goats

A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus through Holland.  As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.  These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.  She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren't producing?"  A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours.

[DaveMcK]

Good morning!

[DaveMcK]

Being a Senior!

[DaveMcK]

Here I am!

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

Morning!

[DaveMcK]

Senior!

[LydiaN586309]

SENIOR MAN AT THE SUPER BOWL

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.

As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

Thanks to Rev. Joe Hopkins, New Wilmington, PA

[DaveMcK]

It is Saturday!

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

Marriage 

[DaveMcK]

Getting around!

[DaveMcK]

Jokes

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

Cartoons 

[LydiaN586309]

A Sweet and Simple Story

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.

Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. Hearing what happened, his grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles!  When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"

The boy looked up and weakly smiled, "Really?"

"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that is prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles!"

[DaveMcK]

Seniors!

[LydiaN586309]

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away!' said Myra brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money,' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.' Myra stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.'

[Butterfly565]

Love it!!!!  

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@LydiaN586309 wrote:

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away!' said Myra brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money,' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.' Myra stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.'

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[DaveMcK]

Hmmmmm!

[LydiaN586309]

Seniors are wise.....

...and they are thrifty too!

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

Morning!

[DaveMcK]

Morning!

[LydiaN586309]

TBD

[DaveMcK]

Hmmmmmmmm!

[cn5621]

Maby if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it.

[cn5621]

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about WW II. Since my grandfather had served in the Philippines, I chose him. After a few questions, I asked, "Did you ever kill anyone? He got quiet. Then in a soft voice, he said, "Probably, I was the cook."

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]