AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
If a fat man grabs you and puts you in a bag...don't worry, I told Santa I wanted a new friend for Christmas . 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
"Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa was pissed !
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list..
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks..
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my a$$ for damn near a year..
Instead of "Thanks Santa"... what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money, the reindeer all fight.
Rudolf got drunk and goosed all the maids..
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better..
Those A--h---s from the IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes...if that ain't damn funny!
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days---they are all the pits,
They want the impossible--those mean little shi-s !
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds....
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo-yo's.. No request for them.
They want computers and robots..they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air..dodging the trees...
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job, there's just no enjoyment..
I'll sit on my fat a$$ and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason...
I found me a blonde, I'm going SOUTH for the season ! HO-HO-HO !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
DEAR SANTA:
I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty this year, and it was worth it!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more...
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and went out, Heaven knows where...
Then he began to load the sleigh, and one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all of the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten the straw off the end of the broom..
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully. "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue I hear you lol
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
HOLIDAY TIP #37
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue untill ALL the birds have gone south for the winter ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
PLEASE NOTE:
Christmas is cancelled !!
Apparently you told Santa that you were good this year, and he died laughing... ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You ARE Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
According to the Alaska Dept. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore...according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl !
We should've known...ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-a$$ man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
MESSAGE FROM SANTA
I have been watching you very closely watching me?
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
If you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge...
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup...
taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen...
you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi...
you prefer car keys to Q tips..
Your momma has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
students celebrated Christmas( it's cute 
one)
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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Kathleen.
"Tell me, Kathleen what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.
"Kathleen addressed the class, "Well, Ms. Jones. Me and my 12 sisters and brothers go to the midnight mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings."
"Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Kevin, what do you do at Christmas?"
Keven replied, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Cadillac. then we drive to the toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing....
"What friend we have in Jesus. Then we all go to the Bahamas. "
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
God gave the three wise men a star to follow because He knew...
They wouldn't ask for directions !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie this is a 5 star one
let's play-Weeweechu.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, Mamacita...let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now...let's look at the full moon." said Rosita.
"Oh c'mon Baby, let's you and me play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time." Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please. Corazoncito, just once.... play Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said,"OK, just one time...we play Weeweechu."
So, Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang...
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas....Weeweechu a Merry Christmas...Weeweechu a Merry Christmas....and a Happy New Year."
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
CHERRY MISTMAS ! I I think I will try it- lol
Jose Cuevro
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