AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by libbyboi
libbyboi health issues-depression-I just love to start my day with a good lol
nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie cute-
7 MENOPAUSAL DWARFS
ITCHY
BITCHY
SWEATY
BLOATY
SLEEPY
FORGETFUL I'm this one 
nell
PSYCHO
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
7 MENOPAUSAL DWARFS
ITCHY
BITCHY
SWEATY
BLOATY
SLEEPY
FORGETFUL
PSYCHO
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie
Women will never be equal to men love it nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair...
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
what do you have there?
Said the pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb a$$!"
Maxine says:
"Nothing makes me feel better than a mud mask. Especially if the person I give it to doesn't see it coming."
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Women will never be equal to men, until they can walk down the street with a bald head ,a beer gut and still think they are sexy..
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs.. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The Farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each , and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m. loaded the pigs into his family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning, the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the station wagon, and again proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.
The next morning, he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or the grass. "Neither!" yelled his wife. "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!!" 
Subject: Not Hungry
At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving." |
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I stopped by the Chevrolet dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup.
Just for the fun of it, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct...
The salesman ( a black man wearing an Obama 'change' lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all of it's wonderful options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter, and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.....
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thoought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democratic truck, the seats would blow smoke up your a$$ year-round !
I had to walk back to the dealership... damn guy had no sense of humor.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."
Don't know if these were entered before, but two cute gotchas.
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
BEST CADDY REMARKS
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: " Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: " Please stop checking your watch all the time, it's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: " It's not a watch, it's a compass!"
Golfer: " How do you like my game?"
Caddy: " Very good...but personally I prefer golf."
Golfer: " Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin everyday!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation--- no one wanted him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up and proclaims,... "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife a Honda mini-van to transport their children."
The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children !" More sighs and applause.
Sadie Jones, age 88 stands and announces with a smile..."If the Preacher stays...I will give him sex!"
There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Sadie's 90 yr. old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies...
"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said..."Screw him!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
It all began with an IPhone.. March was when my son celebrated his 15th Birthday and I got him an IPhone. He loved it, and I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an IPad.
My daughter's Birthday was in August, so I got her an IPodTouch. September came and so for my wife's Birthday I got her an IRON .... it was then the fight started. What my wife failed to recognize is that the IRON can be integrated into the home network with the IWASH, ICOOK, and ICLEAN...
This unfortunately activated the INAG App. which led me to the IHOSPITAL..... I get out on Thursday. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
THE DARWIN'S ARE OUT !!!
Yes, it's that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.....
When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, Ca., would-be robber James Elliot did something than can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked !
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her...
Seems that an Arkansas guy wantedsome beer pretty badly. He decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. The cinder block bounced back a hit him on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of plexiglas . The whole event was caught on videotape.
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