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no tears

my wife died on march 19,2018. i haven't cried yet. usually when i watch a sad film i cry like a baby. but i have yet to cry for the saddest film.  i miss her so much. i go about my to do lists, most of the time stopping in the middle of a task.  i am 70 years old and we have custody of our 2 year old great grand daughter, Egypt. the 2 of us, Millie and i, could handle Egypt quite well. but i seem to be having trouble. no energy. Egypt kept asking where Millie was. i said she went to live with God. she kept asking. i was advised to tell her that Millie was sick and her body was too tired to keep going and she died and went to live with God. Egypt seems to have accepted that. Millie started her fight with cancer in 2013. there are a lot of times when i don't know what to do next. i still haven't cleaned my house or cleared out all the papers and Millie's clothes. i wear her clothes a lot. i never knew there was so much bureaurocratic stuff to do when someone dies. i'm still taking care of stuff. i feel like i'm rambling. i do that a lot. 

Periodic Contributor

Sorry for your lost and grieve as much as you want and when it is time for you to cry that good cried it will come; what help my sister and myself to cry is the HallMark movies they having me crying and with time you will cry that good cried. What you are going through now is grief and it is okay to have no energy. Just take time for you right now let someone else watch Egypt while you take a nap and help you around your home as you go through the process of grieving and sometimes you cry without tear at times.
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Regular Contributor

Kindness:  the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.  A behavior marked by a pleasant disposition.


When grief is experienced we need  the support of those around us and kindness should be one of the prominent features of that support.


Certainly if the characteristics listed above were an ordinary part of human make-up the world would be a better place.   However, over the years we see less and less kindness.  When we do experience it, we take note because it is so rare. 


Circumstances may arise when we might need assistance for different situations and when that happens, kindness is greatly appreciated.  I often think of what the world would be like if all mankind displayed this quality freely.  Do you think there’s a possibility unrestricted kindness will be evident earth wide?  If so, we would have to look beyond man’s capability because we all are imperfect.  Simply put, we all fall short.  So let’s go to a source with impeccable qualifications – the Bible.


Promises contained in the Bible could only be made from Almighty God.  Let’s review a few:


  • God hates suffering and injustice Proverbs 6: 16,17
  • God cares for us as individuals Acts 17:27, 2 Cor. 1: 3,4,
  • God does not cause our problems James 1: 13
  • Hope that all suffering will end soon Psalm 37: 10, 11


These assurances are available to all mankind.  Our faith in Almighty God is not misplaced because he cannot lie.  These are just some of the wonderful  promises  revealed in the Bible.  We can’t give up because of disturbing world conditions.


Please visit the website for more information. 

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I am so sorry for your loss... I think it would be overwhelming to be grieving and raising your great-granddaughter. That being said, little children can help us in the early grieving process. They give us a reason to get up in the morning... As time goes on - I hope you can find a partnership of some kind to kelp you in raising Egypt.
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AARP Expert

@cynthia0602 I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss - brought tears to my eyes hearing of what you are going through. Caring for your great-grand-daughter while grieving and trying to deal with estate planning and more. It's so much to do at a time when I wouldn't be surprised if you'd rather just crawl in bed or walk on a beach or just do nothing. 


Be gentle with yourself. There is no one right way to grieve - let it unfold and ride the waves...


I have been through the process of grieving for multiple people (lost my niece to suicide, a year later my Mom (who lived with me), a year later my oldest sister. All while I was still caregiving for my Dad who is now 94 and has Alzheimer's (constant journey of grief). I sometimes think that some day I'll have a big crash, as I just keep doing the next thing. I try not to avoid the grief, I acknowledge it when it comes and then keep going. I figure that however I cope is ok (as long as it isn't unhealthy!) and I gain comfort by knowing I'm still doing my best for my Dad, especially because I know Mom would want that. 


But your grief is so fresh...give yourself time. I, too, wear my Mom's clothes sometimes! I've worn her robe every since she died - it's comforting! Do what you need/want to do and don't let anyone tell you there is a specific timeline for grief. 


Many blessings to you - so glad you posted and reached out. Here is an article that might be helpful to you from the AARP Family Caregiving Site: 5 Surprising Truths About Grief (it's especially about spouses grieving).


Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones



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Periodic Contributor

I do know what your going thru, I lost my husband recently and I still am having trouble. I do not have the responsibility of taking care of anyone other than myself but it is still hard. My prayers are with you and I hope or should I say I know you will get thru this. I have the same feelings as you so just hang in there. I wish there was a way of knowing where you are because I would love to take to you. But God Bless and my prayers are with you.
Periodic Contributor

So sorry meant to say Talk to you not take to you
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Honored Social Butterfly

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I won't pretend that I've been through anything like what you are experiencing but I've certainly experienced losses in my 75 years and I know how difficult it can be.  My advice is to be gentle and patient with yourself as you go through the grief process.  I hope you have supportive friends and family to help with your struggle but I would also suggest finding a support group in your area.  My experience has been that it helps so much when I find other people who are going through the same thing, or have been there and are finding a new normal in their life.  I've even found some helpful groups on Facebook.  Sending all positive energy to you and Egypt.

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