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My wife passed suddenly May 19, 2020, and I have firsthand learned how slow and non-feeling our government and insurance companies can be.  Even with some of the other things I have lived through in my life this has been the hardest.  Everything in our home has memories of her attached.  Our home is paid off and still I am not sure I can continue to stay here.  Everyone says, 'Give it time.' And I guess I will.  To top everything off our little dog has been diagnosed with collapsing trachea and will have to remain on medication for the rest of his life which could be short.  A double whammy! 


My wife and I had been married 30 years with 25 years of that in soberity.  We had our ups and downs but always knew she cared and was there through some hard heath times just as I was for here.  In her last years she suffered from COPD and other ailments and I helped her through it all.  Thank God she was able to take care of most of her personal items and was working from home on a little jewelry business which seemed to please her. 


I miss her so and am trying my best to take care of myself and our little dog as I had promised her. 


Thanks for letting me vent.  

Trusted Contributor

Sir, I'm sadden to hear about the passing of your wife of 30 years. What a beautiful blessing to be able to spend all those years with someone you love and grew with.  You all are warriors/champions you stuck with it and I give you a standing ovation for that.


I'm not going to tell you to give it time, because time is going to go on no matter what you do or don't do. If you need to cry, cry and if you need to yell, yell. Vent all you want t, venting can be healing.  I still cry about my mom who made her transition when I was about 10/11 years old.  I will never get over it, however, it doesn't hurt so much anymore and I have memory moments when I think of something she did and I smile. I don't know if you did it this way, but many make it through  sobriety one day at a time. I imagine this would be a good way to start.


Regarding the system, yes, at times it is slow and without feeling. It seems at it is only in place just to aggravate and make us give up trying.  But stay strong, rest if you must but get up and get going again, don't let them get the best of you. You made a promise and I'm guessing you want to keep it. That was one of the things that kept me going, wanting to make my mom proud. I made a promise to her too and that promise kept me out of a lot of trouble.


It's a wonderful thing that your wife was able to handle all her personal items and beautiful that she took pleasure in her jewelry business. Some never find the pleasure of doing something they enjoy.


 Well, I guess I probably said too much and might have overstepped the box lines, if I did, please forgive me.  Just know, anytime you want to vent...message me - I do know how to read without responding with written words - just let me know you don't want to read anything I have to write - you just want to vent. 


May the pain of your lost leave you and the joy of the memories of your wife stay with you always.



Social Butterfly


Sir so sorry for your loss

May you be comforted ... what a blessing to have shared your lives together 30 years... plus a pet 

Thanks for sharing... as I learned in recovery program... your not alone as @ToniS570313 Toni said feel free to vent & just go easily on yourself... one day one moment at a time

Toni I lost my mom Dec 2015 it's a loss I'll never get over... time has made it easier and as you said I try focus on the good times and memories...

May we all find comfort in those

Happy Sunday! 

Ginger  :  )

AARP Expert

I am so sorry that she passed, and that you're feeling such full on grief. Especially during this lonely time of quarantine. This can be a time of pacing yourself: some days, a new activity, like taking a walk someplace you've never walked before, other days, sticking to routine and taking several naps.


Congratulations on your sobriety. Do you smoke cigarettes, too? Since your wife had COPD, I'm thinking maybe you also smoke. Perhaps smoke one less cigarette per day than the day before. Give yourself the gift of better health. You were lucky to have each other.


Thank you for sharing. It's important to remember our blessings, especially those people who share our lives with us. You reminded me of that.



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