Not my first time grieving

[DianeB887812]

I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog. 

So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can.

And find support... here I am.

[Fall2024inVA]

Dear Diane @DianeB887812 , I know you have something special planned for the upcoming holiday strong lady. You are indeed an inspiration for me dear friend. Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Fall2024inVA]

Dear Diane @DianeB887812 , have an AWESOME DAY at the Dog Park  🐕🐕🐕.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Fall2024inVA]

Well it is nearly 5pm ET for us BOTH (you in Florida, me in Virginia).

You know what, and I am sure you already now - FURBABIES KNOW WHEN YOU NEED THEM!!!  🐈🐕

Mr. spent ALL DAY with me. Yes, my little darling KNEW I was trying to make some decisions about THIS SITE. Leave or stay? Like you, I hate unnecessary conflict and I try to stay in my corner. Anyway, I will stay for now. It is folks like YOU that ADD SO MUCH to my online world. This the ONLY online I do and once you MOVE ON in your life (no longer here to chat with me), I will be doing the same.  👍👍👍

Luv you VERY MUCH dear friend,

Nicole with EXTRA hugs/lol  🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

[DianeB887812]

Nicole,

Yes these forums can be a blessing for those in critical need. It is a shame you are experiencing conflict. 

You have been so supportive for me. I truly appreciate it. I do not think I would be doing as well as I am without your support. But maybe it is time for this baby bird to fly. I have connected with the dog park group who I can trust. And I am doing better with my sleep schedule. Heck even my driving is getting better. I hope you are also doing better. 

You certainly deserve peace in your life. I may drop in from time to time to time to see if you are ok.

All my best wishes for you my friend. Peace. 

[Fall2024inVA]

🐕🐕🐕  So how was your walk and the dog park THIS MORNING?

I had TWO people stop by YESTERDAY - I feel SO luved.  👍👍👍

One was Roz that lives in the other Studio Apt next door.

The other (with an unique name I NEED to learn  🙄) and her son AJ. Lol, he asked IF he could pet MY CAT. Told him it is EVERYBODY's cat.  🤣😂

Warned him about Mr.'s mood swings = those claws.  😱😱😱

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812  

[DianeB887812]

Walk was nice. I got to the dog park too early. Only one person there. His dog was very friendly so I got to pet him while his owner and I chatted. 

Gee that sounds nice to have company. Sweet of them to drop in. 

You enjoy the rest of your day. I’m fixing to water my plants. I will check in with you before bed time. That 9:00 pm works good right now. 

[Fall2024inVA]

👋  HELLO Twin Chatterbox aka Nurse Diane aka Nurse Walker @DianeB887812  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

Hi my good friend. What are you up to today?

[Fall2024inVA]

Still in bed after getting up to feed you know who  🐈  at 6am when my 2 alarms went off.

Lol, we have been battling since yesterday as he seems to have forgotten I am NOT Ms. Geraldine. Every time she stops by to see her son who has taken over her townhouse (she moved into a house), she gives him guess what??? Yes, chicken. Me and another neighbor told her she has him VERY SPOILT. Anyway, he is LEARNING, no more me switching out brands every time he sniffs food in his dish and walks away.  🙄🙄🙄

I now use a timer and EVERY MORNING when he walks away (to go see IF Ms. G is here = chicken) he has 1/2 hour to RETURN. Lol, some mornings he is IN & OUT 3 times before DISAPPEARING for the day.

The timer helps we NOT feel guilty for SHUTTING my door and climbing back into bed like TODAY. I have to pack up food in plastic to AVOID the ants.  😱😱😱

GRATEFUL upstairs was NOT here LAST NIGHT.  💃💃💃

TOMORROW is my Kroger day to cash in and buy more $1 and $2 Lottery Scratch Off tickets. And to see my fellow OLD person David at their Customer Service counter.

Any plans for TODAY after walk and dog park?  🤔

Me, NOPE - just ENJOYING my Sunday of NO neighbors from h.ll UPSTAIRS. Lol, maybe they moved.  🤣😂

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** DIANE wrote: Hi my good friend. What are you up to today? ***]

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[DianeB887812]

Not too much planed for today. Water the plants might be the big event of the day. Rest up for what this week brings me. 

[Fall2024inVA]

🤔🤔🤔  Nosey Nicole wants to know what you doing?  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

[DianeB887812]

I was almost out the door for my morning walk. Then I’m going to the dog park to say hi to the group there and pet some dogs

[DianeB887812]

After this morning , a case of the “I don’t want to do nuthin” came over me. So I’m doing puzzles and snacking while watching movies. Constantine is on right now. I did take my walk earlier. I also took a stab at working on my budget. I’ve taken his phone off my account , and stopped the life insurance I took out to help him if I got run over by the beer truck. This next month or two will show me if my cash flow is in balance. If not I have a way to fix it , but I want to be sure before I take that step. 
And since I live on the East coast of Florida I watch the weather coming off of Africa closely. I have all my Hurricane supplies already. If a storm looks nasty I will run to Georgia. Planning gives me peace. I do a lot of planning. 

[Fall2024inVA]

So Ms.EX Night Owl, an EARLY night again tonight?  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

[DianeB887812]

It does feel good to get sleep. 9:00 pm sounds good. 

[DianeB887812]

I visited the Dog park this morning and scattered the last of Stephen’s ashes under a tree he and the dogs would sit under. As I was leaving I looked back and could visualize them all there. 

[DianeB887812]

@Fall2024inVA ,

I think I will hit the sack early tonight. You have a good night and try to not stay up too late. 
🫶🫶🫶

[Fall2024inVA]

Okay  👍👍👍

Moving forward, IF you still need my support, I am here.

IF not, I totally understand and SO PROUD of what you have done.  💃💃💃

Gosh, Bionic Diane. Bionic Woman has competition/lol.

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

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[*** DIANE wrote: Nicole ,

I think I will hit the sack early tonight. You have a good night and try to not stay up too late. 
🫶🫶🫶 ***]

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[DianeB887812]

Well, just when I thought the tough stuff was done, a real potential problem came up. The step children were disinherited in his will. They wrote me a letter asking for items from his estate. I had to break the news to them in a letter back to them that the will prohibits me giving them anything from the estate. I hate conflict. I’m very worried that they are going to cause trouble. My 2 seconds of peace are kaput as I start to obsess over this new wrinkle. 

I did get one night of peaceful sleep. And tidy was very nice until the mail came.  SIGH 

I hope your day went better than mine. 

[Fall2024inVA]

Hmmm Diane @DianeB887812 , is there a way to give them stuff without whomever is watching, knowing?

That is IF you want them to have stuff.

Lol, my day!!!

Finally told my daughter via text about Mr.  🐈  and my test results. Was very surprised she supported me.

It was a day of being p.ssed over my Slum Landlord (tired of having to empty container from leak), wanting to move but remembering being homeless here in Virginia for 13 very long months. Job hours got cut in another city and could no longer afford where I was. I moved to where I am, stayed at their Rescue Mission - got a job and saved.

Thanks for asking dear friend.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

So sorry you have such problems with your current home. But it was very nice to get some support from your daughter. I can not imagine what I would do if I were ever without a home. 

[Fall2024inVA]

Diane @DianeB887812 , I know you are in an apt like I am.

Folks think NEW owners care or that there is housing for OLD people that is SAFE.

Nope.

I pay my rent on my Studio Apt as soon as my Social Security hits my bank. Which is 2 weeks early before rent due.

Folks would refuse to pay due to no repairs and get evicted.

Nope, took 13 months to save $5,000.00 to move into my Studio Apt. Yes girl, all the addicts got free places to stay and so on.

This old lady had to do everything herself.

Lol, too old to be homeless again.

I tell people over age 50, a SAFE place to stay cost money. So make sure your rent or mortgage is paid.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

Job #1 is pay the bills. Job #2 is feed your self. Everything after that is gravy. 

I think on that note I’m going to see if I can get some sleep. I want to go to the dog park tomorrow. 

[DianeB887812]

I could not go against his wishes in good conscience. Many times he told me about his parting ways with them. It was indeed a very sad story. It included him losing his home. Of course that is how he ended up moving to live with me. I rescued him. I can not give them anything. It would haunt me for life. 

[DianeB887812]

NOW I see why thought I was exiting! I hit the solution button by mistake.🙄

I think you are totally right about the uneven support for our veterans. There are many support services where I live that my brother in Virginia does not have. 

[DianeB887812]

You will not get off that easy. Of course I want to chat with you still. How will I ever find out if You are taking care of You? This is not a one way street here. And I’m sure I’ll still have my moments. Big step yesterday was I removed his phone from my plan. But I still have his computers running on my network. 😁

by the way if I sounded a little sharp over the wonderful VA support we got, it was one thing Stephen always made sure to do. Tell everyone how much he appreciated them. I was just echoing his voice. 

Have a happy day 😁

[Fall2024inVA]

Hi, I understand and SO GLAD they looked out for him. John went through ALOT with them.  Just GLAD he was NOT homeless!!! YES, another issue that really UPSETS me. Homeless Veterans who DESERVE a SAFE place to sleep.

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

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[*** DIANE wrote: You will not get off that easy. Of course I want to chat with you still. How will I ever find out if You are taking care of You? This is not a one way street here. And I’m sure I’ll still have my moments. Big step yesterday was I removed his phone from my plan. But I still have his computers running on my network. 

by the way if I sounded a little sharp over the wonderful VA support we got, it was one thing Stephen always made sure to do. Tell everyone how much he appreciated them. I was just echoing his voice. 

Have a happy day 😁 ***]

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[DianeB887812]

We talked many times about how our experience with the VA in Florida did not match the stories we were hearing from other states. On on night that we had to go to the ER, I saw several homeless Veterans come into the ER and a social worker was there to help them find a place to go AND got transportation to take them there. I do not know why the rest of the country can’t learn from what our VA is doing for it’s veterans. 

[Fall2024inVA]

Hi Diane!!!

Have you put any weight BACK ON?  🤔

What is HELPING you to sleep?  🤔

Luv that per your post BELOW, Sunshine helps - me too.  👍👍👍

I am holding my breath for when you get your furbaby!!!  💃🐕

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

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[*** DIANE wrote: I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog. 

So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can.

And find support... here I am. ***]