New to grieving and how long does the loneliness past?

[BillH490171]

Greeting, I'm starting my grief journey and now in my fourth week. The house is empty as is much of my day.  How long does the loneliness last?  I do talk to friends and family but its not the same.

Bill

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

(Saturday 4/6/24)

@BillH490171 , how are you doing?  💙💙💙

[BillH490171]

Good afternoon, thanks for the note and I'm doing well. I'm settled in Winston-Salem now and am planning to get married in June.  Its been a challenging time but life is moving forward.  Hope you doing well as well.

Take care, Bill

[MarcyW882921]

Wow Bill @BillH490171 a lot has changed for you! Congratulations on settling in your new location and your upcoming marriage!

Marcy

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

(Saturday 4/6/24)

CONGRATS @BillH490171 !!!!

Yes, I am doing great and wish you all the best - you deserve it.  💙💙💙

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

1 comment (Saturday 9/30/23)

Dear Bill @BillH490171 , you are in my thoughts today!

Nicole 🤗

[BillH490171]

Good morning, thanks for the note.  Yesterday was tough as it was the fourth month since my wife passed.  I spoke to my grown kids and we all are doing ok.  I also watched a couple TEDx talks on Youtube about grief and losing a spouse. They were both pretty insightful. 

My journey is going well with grief support meetings and a counselor.  I'm getting close to moving past that support too.

One last thought, both my Dad and Father-in-law are widowers and I've been encouraging them to reach out to old friends and start new friendships, male and female.  For my Dad, it seems to be a positive.  For me, meeting a kindred spirit on a dating app has been wonderful. Talking to a widow is much easier and comfortable.  

I wish you all a great weekend and peace.

Bill 

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

2 comments (8/30/23)

Dear Bill @BillH490171   , YOU are in OUR thoughts and prayers TODAY!

Grief & Loss Team 💚🙏🤗

[BillH490171]

Thanks and I running headlong into my first wedding anniversary without her (9/1).  I'll take some quiet time and enjoy the day and feelings.

Bill

[BeatleloverKT]

@BillH490171 Thinking of you today. I have been in your shoes. The first one is definitely the hardest. May your good memories guide you thru today 💜🙏

[mc6844]

Bill. I'm so sorry for your loss. The  people on this forum can help you. The focus is on grief where in other self help groups the focus can be scattered. Many, first of all are recovering from caregiving. When married, people have their lonely times as well. Now is a good time to get in touch with spirituality. I agree with all the suggestions from the lovely people on this forum. Having raised 4 children I never like to see anyone in pain. For myself, I find getting on with the day without expectations, going moment to moment if needed fills up my day pretty good. Do you have an older neighbor perhaps who's in need and would like a visit? If you're still in good health you can let your friends and neighbors know you can drive them to Dr appts and hospitals. Helping others will shift thinking about ones grief. It will lessen those lonely times, which do pass.

[MarcyW882921]

Hi @BillH490171 I'm sorry to hear of your loss and that you are now traveling on a grief journey. Grief itself is universal, but each person's journey is unique. It has been eight months since my husband passed away and I definitely have a range of emotions that ebb and flow. You are right that talking with family and friends is not the same as the talking/communicating you do with a spouse/significant other/life partner. 

That special person lives on in your heart and your memories. There may be a point where you are ready to work on finding out who you are and what brings meaning to your life without the physical presence of person who has passed away. If you are a group person, a bereavement group, social group, singing group, hobby group, or religious group might be helpful to address the issue of loneliness. Individual counseling, reading books, and watching movies are some individual activities for utilizing time. If you have been a caretaker, there may be a need to fill the need for giving/caring so volunteering is a great option for filling that void. Finally, taking classes or workshops is great way to grow personally and keep one's mind active and getting out in nature is terrific for calming one's mind.

There are many of us who understand because of our own journeys so know that you are not alone.

[BillH490171]

Marcy, thanks for the note and sound advice.  One of the items I wanted to tackle is taking care of my wife's four garden beds. She was a lifelong gardener and has wonderful beds. I reached out to two of her friends that I had met in the native plant society.  One friend came over today and helped me make a list of priorities for the beds. I know I can take care of them now and it's one less stress for me.

Bill

[MarcyW882921]

@BillH490171 That is great! I'm sure your wife's friends were happy to help you with the priorities for the flower beds. Gardening is therapeutic, the gardening project meets the need for caring for something, the flowers are beautiful, and you are carrying on with something that was meaningful to your wife. A living legacy is good for the soul! Kudos to you.

Marcy

[BeatleloverKT]

Welcome @BillH490171 I’m sorry for your loss.

As @jonibee stated below, everyone’s journey 

is different. For me, it’s been almost five years

and grief still creeps up on me when I least 

expect it. There are books on Amazon for

Widowers. I have one for Widows and it has

helped immensely. Sounds like you do need

to find a hobby or group to keep you busier.

Maybe even consider volunteer work at an

Animal Shelter or a hospital. And when you’re 

sad, let yourself be sad. I go with the kind of

day I’m having. Best of luck on this journey no

one wants to take. Keep us posted along the way

[jonibee]

There is no time limit on being lonely ...you have to find ways to fill your hours either by taking up a new hobby, joining a group that you have an interest in, volunteering, writing in a journal each day of things remembered, call friends, Each day is different and a new start ..take up gardening or go to the library they have different offerings besides books. You will have days of emptiness and allow yourself to cry then get on with other things. It's been seven months for me and I have my lonely moments and miss my husband very much we were married 63 years ...I hope you can find a way to cope..Some senior centers have different activities that you can join and also have day trips where you might make some good friends ..give it a try...