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My loss

I have gone through so many funerals since 2008. I have gone through 13 funerals in all. The three that I lost year-my husband; my 44 year old sone; and my son's partner hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband died in February . It happen 1 year to the day when his mother died. But, when we found out that our son and his partner had committed suicide three days after Christmas I just lost it. I am having a hard time trying to adjust. It has been too much for me to handled.

Regular Contributor

Dear Beth

BethR264917 6-22-2019

Life and its consequences affect us all in a variety of ways. I am sorry to hear of your recent losses. If only we could package and bottle an antidote to this sorrow then life would truly be enjoyable.  It pains me to think that the majority of mankind blames our Creator for our suffering. We know from the Creator of Mankind that he is a God of Love.  Do you think a God of Love would cause such unhappiness?  Of course not! What is the solution? 

 No one is exempt from this sentence, but along with this unfavorable condition of sin and death the Bible offers hope that is most comforting to those who grieve.  {John 5:28,29}  It is a hope of a resurrection and to reassure us of its truthfulness the Bible provides nine [9] accounts of resurrections: Jairus’ daughter and Lazarus are two of them. How is this possible?  Remember that the “Lord’s Prayer” encourages us to pray for God’s Kingdom.  It is this Kingdom that will bring about these wonderful blessings and Jesus would not have made this promise if it wasn’t guaranteed by his father Almighty God because he cannot lie.  {Titus 1:2}

There are so many comforting promises that direct our attention to a positive future.  I would be pleased to share them with you and you can email me if you like.  Also, the website will provide answers to your questions.

I hope this information has helped you through your sorrow.

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AARP Expert

@BethR264917 Oh Beth! My heart breaks for you. It really is too much to comprehend. Losing your spouse has got to be one of the most terrible losses to withstand. And then losing your son and his partner to suicide at the same time - it's just not something you can fully process right now. In some ways, our minds and bodies do us a favor in that they do sort of numb up - it gives us time to process and deal with things as we are able to. 


The grief and loss you are suffering - these three huge and terrible losses in addition to 10 more since 2008 - that's just so much. And I've found that grief is cumulative. All of those losses pile up and there is a tipping point. You keep going, focusing on the others, and now it seems I'm sure like so many are gone. 


Are you getting any 1:1 or in person grief support and counseling? This is too much for you to handle on your own. Here are a few suggestions. I am sure putting one foot in front of the other feels like too much right now. Try to start with one step. Just one step and do the next thing. One at a time. Try not to think out too far ahead. 


  • There is an organization called The Compassionate Friends that focuses on the loss of a child (of any age). On a personal note, we lost my niece to suicide in 2012 - followed by my Mom dying one year later in 2013, and my sister one year after that in 2014. My Dad just died in June 2018. When my niece died (she was 19), my sister (her mother) found a great deal of comfort and support from The Compassionate Friends organization - perhaps that would be a good place to start. I know, from experience, that loss to suicide is a very different type of grief. 
  • For a general grief support group, you might contact your local hospice organization for a list of groups in your area. They should also be able to refer you to counselors who specialize in grief. 

The losses you are grieving are so deep and traumatic. They can cause a type of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and you might talk with your doctor about how to handle any symptoms of stress, burnout, sleeplessness or wanting to sleep all the time, anxiety, depression etc. 


Sending you a virtual hug and empathy. As I struggle with my own grief, know that you are not without support in this journey. Be gentle with yourself. Grief is a wiley thing - it can sneak up on you and it's a roundabout journey, not a straight line. There is no one way to grieve and no timeline. You will do it in your own way and that's ok. 


Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

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Gold Conversationalist

I am so sorry.

Those losses are very tragic. I cannot really comprehend that happening to anyone. My heart goes out to you.


I know my words are very poor but I felt that I had to say something in support and recognition. 


I know that if you read through the threads in this particular forum you will see many other expressions of profound grief, and words of support from many others. Perhaps reading through these other threads will give you some comfort. 

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