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She fell asleep.

Her breath rattled. We stood around her, taking turns holding her hand, whispering our love to her. We told each other she needs her rest - the cancer and the covid had ravaged her enough. 


I gently rubbed baby lotion on her arm. She no longer flaked, but her skin was like dried sheets of very thin vellum. Why would I think of vellum in this way? Her pores seemed to vacuum the lotion from my fingertips - and I gently cooed how I would give Mom a manicure to help her hands. She didn't respond, but I told her anyway.


My baby brother stood nearby, watching our mother's face and the way her abdomen rose and fell with each breath - almost like her body was forcing itself to breath. His eyes were cried out, and I knew his heart shattered as Mom's breath rattled yet again.


My sister, holding Mom's other hand, reached for our brother and then she froze. 

And I froze.

And baby bro froze.




there is no more rattle

there is no more forced breathing

there is no more pain


She fell asleep. The strongest, most willful and loving person I've ever known. She fell asleep. 


And I can't stop crying.


Thank you everyone.

I am okay - at least I can function and do what needs to be done.


Had to write her obituary today. Writing it is an exercise of my skills as a communicator and marketer - but when I read it aloud... the floodgate opened in full and just cannot stop crying again.


I know this hollow feeling will never go away - she is Mom and I am her firstborn... her 'mini-me' (prior to Michael Myers' characterization of such). I was her #1, her First Little Indian, her 'bestest of beasties'. Every bit of me is struggling to hold it together, but at the same time all I want to do is fade into the fog and wail.



Thank y'all. I know I'm not alone (I have 5 siblings in the same boat all wishing Mom would have given us bigger paddles). It is nice to post, write it out, vent and share with complete strangers. I appreciate you all.



Bronze Conversationalist

Les. So very sorry for your loss. How pleased your Mom must've been to have you all there. Even though we think we're prepared death is such a shock when it happens. Please continue to visit this site. The people here are lovely. They know exactly what you are going through. And can help. 

Recognized Social Butterfly

Your words are very forceful and touching to those that read it.  The love you shared and showed to your Mom will live on forever. Please accept my sincere sympathy...

Honored Social Butterfly

Thank you for sharing your story. It was wonderful to surround your Mom with so much love. God bless you and your family 😢🙏

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