Encouragement

[em261664]

 Hello everyone, I just want to share two quotes that have helped to sustain me and keep during my times of lost: especially since June and October 2022.  I forgot the author's name, but I have to remind myself sometimes that: "There is a sacredness in my tears. They are not tears of weakness but of power; for the speak more eloquently than ten thousand of tongues.  The speak of varying measures of grief, perhaps, of contrition, and of unspeakable love."  " Grief is a passage, not a place to stay. We will not be the same nor should we expect to be. We will heal, and are healing, and we will rebuild ourselves around our losses (we have suffered). We will be whole again, but we will never be the same."

The second quote is from a book by Elizabeth Kubbler Ross.  Always remember to take care of you.

[SpringIsHereVA]

🦃  Dear @em261664 , I hope you are well and plan on spending Thanksgiving YOUR WAY.

I hope you will stop by again dear friend.  🤗🤗🤗

LINK to Our ONLINE "Grief & Loss" Support Group NEW LOCATION!!! 

[NealH502664]

   Hi @em,  Sorry for your loss. 2 years ago now?  I imagine that the pain has eased off by now. Thanks for the encouragement. At the moment, I'm very much discouraged. My wife was diagnosed with PD way back in 2007, and her decline has been so slow, that it seems that it has crept up on me, and I just hadn't realized how much of her is now.. gone. Tonight, I had my fourth heart attack, and when I told her that it was happening, she asked if I had my nitro, saw that I did, and then just walked away. I looked over my shoulder, and she was washing out a yogurt container in a leisurely fasion, seemingly, completely unconcerned. A half hour later, she hadn't even asked me how I was doing. ?? Not a comPLete shock, I have noticed that she's less concerned with my wellbeing over the past year, but this was a great deal more than that. I felt that I could've gotten more concern from a complete stranger. Heart attacks are frightening, and I don't care who you are. And I was scared. This seemed to be a bad one, and I found out that I was to handle it alone, while it was happening. I just didn't see this coming, and while I never get angry, this, made me angry. I yelled at her for the first time, ever. Anyway, nothing much will change here, I'll still care for her with love and kindness. Just thought I'd offer this up in case anyone else might be able to relate.

  I'm new here. Should this comment be elsewhere? A different forum? So far, I'm finding this "community" to be pretty difficult, to know where to go, where to post. I'm also concerned about privacy here. Is this forum private? Thanks again for your post. Neal

[mc6844]

Neal my heart goes out to you and your wife. Heart attacks are not only frightening but very painful. Not feeling well yourself and caring for your wife is a lot to handle. Do you have a neighbor or family near who can lend support? I just happened to see your post. I see it was posted in July. Sharing your feelings and emotions can only help you feel better. I hope you and your wife are doing ok and you have good medical care for your heart. Maybe a backup plan for a neighbor to stay with your wife, if you need to call the paramedics for your heart. Take care, both of you!

[NealH502664]

hanks for the kind words @mc. It is a lot to handle, but I've had a very hard life, so I can handle a lot. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.", a Marine Corps saying I believe.We're pretty isolated here, way up in the hills, but we do at least for the time being, have next door neighbors (200 yrds away) who are very supportive, but they have a lot on their plate too what with terminal cancer, and a number of other issues. But they come at the drop of a hat when we need them. Same goes for us if they have a problem. We do have very good medical care and we're both on SSDI I believe its called. The issue that worries me most os the fact that it takes two hours for an ambulance to get here, frightening, when the stuff gets real. But we're stubborn old fools (She is 65, and I'm 68),and won't be moved from our home, no matter what. Its beautiful here, peaceful and quiet, lots of amazing wildlife, and best of all, it is bought and paid for, which makes it possible, while far from easy, to live on our SS checks alone. As far as my heart goes, I take nitroglycerine pills if it goes off, and then find a way to the hospital which is only an hour away, as long as we don't rely on the EMTs. Drove myself last time. 

  The thing with my wife is rough. We've been together for 32 years now, and through a lot of stuff that would stagger most folks. She's the only woman I ever met, out of scores of women, who would stick with me through a violent kidney stone attack.

  I was a chronic former for 37 years, beginning when I was 18, and that pretty much destroyed any of a young man's normal dreams. It was a "pre-existing condition" for all of those years, and the bills were outragious, so forget college, a family, a home, I lived in rathole apartments and drove ancient cars, no nights out, no vacations, lol, ever, and all of that drove women away upon the first attack. A common line was, "I love you Neal, but I wanna have kids." 

  Pam was different. She loved me a lot, right away, and so she quickly learned how to help me upon a stone attack. We had a "Stone Kit":  Two gallons of water to drive the stone through, Vicotin, whiskey, a change of clothes and a barf bag, and off we went for the nearest hospital, often far away, and most of the time I was able to not, go into the ER by the time we got there, because the pain subcided, or I became stoned enough to endure it, which was cool, because ERs were expensive without insurance. I have no idea how many stones we went through together in the past 32 years, but it was a lot, hundreds probably, costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, until she finally found a simple diet, that stopped the stones.  Yup. A change in diet. Amazing that none of my nedless stream of Urologists ever told me about it eh? Yea. Its a racket. They wanted me, and stone formers all over the world to suffer that recurring agony. They really like the money, and that is not a lie. I caught them many many times, lying to me, but as a single person, I had no clout. Once Pam was with me, data in hand, there to defend me, always, my life changed, radically. It really makes an incredible difference to have someone with you, when you go to a hospital. No joke. Alone, I was direspected, and I could write a book about just that. But suddenly, I was a respectable citizen, and all because she told me what not, to eat, and defended me when I had to get healthcare. 

 Anyway. Sorry to go on so long. But I don't think that most folks are as close to their spouces as Pam and I are. Most couples just make us laugh, so shallow are they about the best thing that ever happened to them. We know when they won't last.

  When she was diagnosed with PD in 2007, of course, having had that amazing support from her for all of those years, I was all in. Still am. I would have been even if I hadn't had all of those stones. I love her more than anything that was ever, a part of my life.     We've been through countless surgeries and procedures due to PD, very, very scary stuff, arm leg and brain surgery, but she is the toughest woman I ever met, she has never once, complained about it. Not once, and that is not a lie either. Together, we just went one step at a time until we have reached today, when my heart is broken on a daily basis to the point where I have actual pain, in my chest, daily, to see what this awful disease has done to this amazing and proud and skilled and talented woman, the one and only love of my life. The only one who ever mattered. The only one who ever could. And she will be the last woman in my life. None could ever replace her.

  She is now pretty severly disabled and taking care of the two of us is indeed  a full time proposition, but one that I don't complain about either. Complaining is silly. Pointless. So this is my job, and only my own death, or hers, will keep me from it. When she goes, I wiil soon follow.

  OKAY! lol. Done now. Thanks again for the kindness @mc. Sorry for the length of this comment. I never talk to anyone anymore, online or anywhere else, so I figgered I get the "story" out of the way. Maybe it might help someone else to read it too. Maybe to help them to appreciate their own lives and spouces, just a bit more.

  I think maybe a penpal might be good for me, because as you said, sharing can help and I am indeed all alone. I'll accept any and all takers! 🙂 

All the best to all on this forum,

Neal   

[mc6844]

Neal, the best to you and Pam. It's wonderful you're living in an area where you both find peace and solace. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. The people on this forum can identify with the struggles. Different situations, but struggle is struggle. On this forum there is hope and kindness, in the process of grief and loss. When you share here, you'll feel a little lighter after which can only help to get on with the day and tasks at hand. Please take care of yourselves. You and your wife may find additional online resources, which are great when driving distance is too much.