🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Winter2024]

THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days].

To participate, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your comment. Click on reply again.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[LisaJP6763]

I hope that works out soon for y'all.  Mother/daughter relationships can be difficult.  Luckily mom and I got past all that before she passed.  Unfortunately, since my sister's death I only have 2 of my cousins left as family.  My younger sister (2 years younger) cut me and mom out of her life 35 years ago.  Mom never knew her grandkids or great-grandkids.  She never got over that and resented my little sister to her death bed.  She hasn't hardly talked to me since we lost our oldest sister.  Oh well, it's been 35 years so far and I'm fine, I'll be fine going forward.  I do with you and your daughter the best.

[Winter2024]

Lisa @LisaJP6763 , life is too short and as of 2015 when I left Florida where EVERYONE is (I followed my daughter to Virginia,best decision I ever made), I left ALL FAMILY DRAMA behind. Because I REFUSE to be controlled when I turn age 18, my mother disowned me and turned my 2 brothers against me. Tried to do the same with my daughter. She died in 2018 and I refused to attend her funeral. Have NO idea who is STILL ALIVE in Florida and DO NOT care. Just care about my daughter.

Unfortunately she HATES Virginia and I HATE Florida. Luv my mountains and 4 seasons.  💃💃💃

She went back to Florida in 2018. Got laid off from her Engineering job in Florida 4/11/24 along with hundreds. A surprise Harris L3 layoff. Refuses to move back to Virginia, still unemployed.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** LISA wrote: I hope that works out soon for y'all.  Mother/daughter relationships can be difficult.  Luckily mom and I got past all that before she passed.  Unfortunately, since my sister's death I only have 2 of my cousins left as family.  My younger sister (2 years younger) cut me and mom out of her life 35 years ago.  Mom never knew her grandkids or great-grandkids.  She never got over that and resented my little sister to her death bed.  She hasn't hardly talked to me since we lost our oldest sister.  Oh well, it's been 35 years so far and I'm fine, I'll be fine going forward.  I do with you and your daughter the best. ***]

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[LisaJP6763]

Well that's a total mess, I'd say you've done well for yourself.  Sometimes you just have to cut the ties.

[LisaJP6763]

Looks like a nice group.  Unfortunately I'm a pro at dealing with grief.  We've lost 7 family members since 2019.  The last one has been the most difficult though.  My oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years on July 18th of this year.  He took his own life a short time later.  She had only been retired for a month and 4 days and was only 68 years old.  Coping with such a horrific death has tested my coping skills however.  We only lived 3 houses apart for 25 years.

[jonibee]

I'm so sorry about all the loss of love ones especially your dear sister..What is wrong in todays world with all the violence that is going on..I wish you peace...

[LisaJP6763]

Thank you. I'll get this right out as I forgot to mention it to Autumn, I go by Lisa, but Melisa is my real name.  I guess I could change that in my settings some time.

My BIL has been mental his whole life, heck, I knew that when I was 11 before they got married in 1975.  We never figured out how they even got together.  The whole marriage was filled with him belittling her and making her feel worthless.  So sad, but she wouldn't leave and I'll never understand that.  

[Winter2024]

WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE!!!  💃💃💃

Welcome Lisa @LisaJP6763 . You are doing great "in spite" of your MULTIPLE losses my friend. You are MOVING into a NEW house with hubbie & going to work. Cadee @Cadee2719 and Julie @JulieT507376 have ALSO had MULTPLE losses.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** LISA wrote: Looks like a nice group.  Unfortunately I'm a pro at dealing with grief.  We've lost 7 family members since 2019.  The last one has been the most difficult though.  My oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years on July 18th of this year.  He took his own life a short time later.  She had only been retired for a month and 4 days and was only 68 years old.  Coping with such a horrific death has tested my coping skills however.  We only lived 3 houses apart for 25 years. ***]

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[LisaJP6763]

Yes, it's so peaceful in our new home.  Much smaller so it'll be easier for me to keep clean.  With all the loss and stress of caring for 2 houses and my FIL since my MIL passed in 2020, I didn't have time for anything else.  Our house we're about to sell really suffered for that.  Luckily I found a buyer that wants to turn it into a rent house and he's willing to take it as is.  The best part is I finally got to do my big purge that I've been trying to accomplish since 2019.  I didn't bring anything I haven't used in the past year except for 4 specialty kitchen appliances.  There's so much stuff left at our other house.  Seeing it every Saturday makes me so grateful when I get back home.

[Winter2024]

Yes Lisa @LisaJP6763 , some of us here were CAREGIVERS who put OURSELVES on the back burner. I hope you will NOW be able to MOVE FORWARD once you are all moved and OTHER stuff finalized. We ALL here are playing CATCH UP with OUR HEALTH issues. I know you had Thumb Surgeries and can NO longer journal. Also Disc issues from a work-related incident. Way TOO MUCH on your plate my friend.  😭😭😭

1 Step At A Time is our motto.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** LISA wrote: Yes, it's so peaceful in our new home.  Much smaller so it'll be easier for me to keep clean.  With all the loss and stress of caring for 2 houses and my FIL since my MIL passed in 2020, I didn't have time for anything else.  Our house we're about to sell really suffered for that.  Luckily I found a buyer that wants to turn it into a rent house and he's willing to take it as is.  The best part is I finally got to do my big purge that I've been trying to accomplish since 2019.  I didn't bring anything I haven't used in the past year except for 4 specialty kitchen appliances.  There's so much stuff left at our other house.  Seeing it every Saturday makes me so grateful when I get back home. ***]

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[LisaJP6763]

For sure, we're still facing challenges.  Husband's shoulder surgery and I got a referral for an MRI and a visit with a neurosurgeon in a town about 60 miles from here as he's the closest that deals with workers comp issues of that sort.  The MRI is the worst part for me, claustrophobia, anxiety and panic attacks.  I'll have to be medicated for sure.

Lisa

[Winter2024]

👋  Hello Everyone!!!

How are YOU today?

Any plans for TODAY?

Nope for me. Rain is suppose to END on Tuesday here in Virginia. HOPE so!!!  💃💃💃  Want to return to my CAR SPA in the Library Parking Lot. Not much longer for Winter and still need to WD-40 all locks and hinges on the OTHER Old Lady (2006 Hyundai Elantra).

[1] Marcy @MarcyW882921 , please let me know you are okay in Florida. Worried my friend.

[2] Cadee @Cadee2719 , my thoughts are with you TODAY for your 2-hour trip to stay with your BROTHER AND HIS WIFE. It is a bittersweet visit but one that involves spending time with folks who TALK. We will NEVER understand our kids, trust they will bury us when our time arrives. Meanwhile use WHAT TIME we have LEFT to be with folks who ADD to our lives. Hey, you are NOW the Neighborhood Grandma in your NEW neighborhood.  💃💃💃  So please continue to move forward, cry when needed, but know WE HERE LUV YOU SO MUCH my friend.

[3] Dear Julie @JulieT507376 , I know you "may" have MIXED EMOTIONS about your son and his wife and grandson VISITING after NOT doing so WHEN MARK WAS ALIVE. But girl, I am so jealous you have a Grandson. ENJOY HIM and show him by your actions that YOU luv him. He maybe just what YOU AND SADIE need in your NEW LIFE. Hmmm, you said he is age 10. Maybe he and Sadie can EXPLORE your ranch, check things out. I LUV YOU AND SADIE SO MUCH my friend.

[4] Jonibee @jonibee , thank you SO MUCH for being OPEN about your kids. It has helped me to NOT "beat" myself up MORE. Gosh, felt I was a BAD parent. While we were NOT PERFECT  🙄🙄🙄,  our time is drawing near and time to FOCUS as you said on things, people and so on that ADD to our journey. WE WILL ALWAYS have our moments of "sadness" but in between, there will be PEACE, HOPE. Thank you my friend.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[jonibee]

Yes we're going to the local Salvation Army this a.m. as they're having 50% off and I'm a book lover and want to pick up some easy listening CDs that I play when retiring for the night..Plus it's a good look see at all the other stuff...Plus it's a cheap cost...The weather up here is in the 50s and is expected to go up in the 60s no rain as of yet..Hoping all is well where ever you are and hope those of you in the path of the hurricaine fare well...

[Winter2024]

🎂  BIRTHDAY CLUB!!!

Any ▶️*** OCTOBER ***◀️ birthdays to ADD to Our List?

[LisaJP6763]

Another Gemini here.  Birthdate is obvious.  😉

[Winter2024]

Hmmm Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I guess my brain is VERY OLD = are you saying you are ALSO June 7th like Jonibee @jonibee ???/lol  😂🤣

Yes, I "is" clueless after reading your post.  🙄🙄🙄

Sorry,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** LISA wrote:

Another Gemini here.  Birthdate is obvious.  😉 ***]

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[LisaJP6763]

Yes. 6-7-1963.

[jonibee]

I'm a Gemini..can't make up my mind over things and change it at a drop of a pin..Ha..

[jonibee]

Lucky 7 (june 7th)...

[Winter2024]

[Friday 9/27/24]

📸  Attachment  📸  Well I am glad to see someone is NAPPING under my bed. Lol, I am about to FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR, so tired. But I have another 8 hours before he heads out at 10pm tonight to PROWL ALL NIGHT. Wish he would let me ADOPT him = INDOOR cat ONLY. I don't dare fall asleep or the INSIDE OF MY DOOR will be damaged like the OUTSIDE SIDE from his need to scratch to get INSIDE. Oh well...

[Cadee2719]

  i am so glad this cat found you.  Can you tape heavy cardboard onto the back of the door to stop him from damaging it?  This way he can be out and you can rest.  Nicole, you are a nurturer and we all love you for that.  However, it must be exhausting to care for all of us as you do and you really need to take care of Nicole.  I do not know where you get all this energy!  Please take care of yourself.

[Winter2024]

[Friday 9/27/24]

📸  Attachment for Jonibee @jonibee  📸

[jonibee]

I know that I should be eating brown rice but it just doesn't sit well with me or wheat pasta as well....All my other stats are great except for the blood sugar and I have lost quite a bit of weight and continue with Metformen the diabetic script and don't want any other scripts...

[Winter2024]

[Friday 9/27/24]

📸  Picture for Sadie  🐕  from her pal Mr.  🐈  📸  Good Morning Sadie!!! A rainy and overcast day for me and mom here in Virginia. Mom gave me MY OWN NIGHTLIGHT so I can see my food and water. Hope you and mom Julie @JulieT507376 are well. Your boy, Mr.  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

We are doing well.  Not sure why but feeling blessed son and wife and 10 year old son are coming up for the weekend.  They have only been twice since we built the house the day of my husband’s death and the day of his funeral.  Sadly never while my husband was alive.  So I’m not sure why 8 months later they are visiting me. I always visit them.  So with the conversation about adult children they can surprise.  But mostly cause sadness and loneliness.  I find myself putting all the effort out and it’s draining with both of my sons.  I think I keep trying so hard with both of them is grandchildren.  Mark was my family.  He made all things seem tolerable with my sons.  It didn’t seem as bad when he was with me. 

[Winter2024]

[Thursday 9/26/24]

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦  PARENTING AN ADULT & SPENDING TIME WITH THE GRANDKIDS!!!

Jonibee @jonibee , Julie @JulieT507376 & Cadee @Cadee2719 since the three of us have CHATTED about this here - I thought WE ALL may have more to add.  👍👍👍

▶️*** So as you guys know, I "is" 66 today. So my "diva" (only child,a daughter in Florida) sends me an EARLY TEXT (before I made my daily "pestering" call asking her to CHECK IN  🙄),  stating she knows I donot celebrate my birthday, but she is. Includes a RECENT PICTURE of herself. Now guys, this sounds all CUDDLY. But my child is DETERMINED to be in CONTROL of I guess what is a relationship./lol  😂🤣  I had brought her up to VALUE family versus money. Yes, TOTAL OPPOSITE of what happened thanks to mine and his MATERIALISTIC family. Zero luv in the households, folks alcoholics - drug addicts trying to FILL where LUV should have been. So anyway, she has UP TO TODAY "respected" that I told her over the years = I WANT EVERYDAY TO BE MOTHER'S DAY & MY BIRTHDAY. And what I mean't was what the three of us had said. VISIT - CALL - CARE!!! Lol she had gotten angry as she makes a BIG DEAL when her birthday rolls around. EXPENSIVE TRIPS and so on with her friends. Now unless she has ANOTHER job in time for her 38th birthday in January 2025, I guess her wings will be clipped. Total OPPOSITE of me. What I want in MY LIFE IS FREE = CARING. Money does NOT buy happiness. Look all those RICH folks committing suicide. Anyway, rather than argue with her like I USE TO, I sent back an "ok" text. Now TOMORROW, I will be back to calling several times BEFORE she checks in with a "hi" text. Last year I ended up calling for a Wellness Check via her Condo Association. The little s.it (yes the human twin of the cat/lol) was ANGRY with me and had IGNORED ME FOR 24 HOURS. Between tears of WORRY & anger - feeling and knowing she was punishing me, I was ready to have a nervous breakdown. Anyway ladies, it is what it is dear friends Luv, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  This was a good topic to discuss.  As sad as it is to hear others are going through a similar experience with their kids, it made me realize that I was not the only one.  I do not call my son or bother him at all.  I try to do everything by myself.  He will bring the junk mail that still comes to his home over, talk about what is happening in his life and then leave.  He has no interest in my life, my health or anything else.  He will be driving me to my brother's home tomorrow (2 hrs. away via a busy freeway) and I appreciate that.  I will just sit and listen to him talk.  He, talks to me  in a reprimanding voice?  Yes, it hurts but I refuse to allow it to control my life.  I am going to be 81 years old soon.  How many more years do I have here on earth?  I can choose to allow others to make them unhappy years or I can make myself refuse to allow others to control my life and emotions.  We all have been through so much and we DESERVE some happiness.  It is sad, it breaks my heart, it makes my brother very angry but no matter how hard I have tried I cannot change what is.  Nicole, perhaps you should not attempt to contact her every day.  See how long it takes her to contact you.  We have all tried because they are our children, but our trying may only make them resent us more.   I too do not celebrate my birthdays.  I usually receive a generic card from my son.  My friends and one grandson will call and wish me a Happy Birthday.  The mother of the grandson whose father died wants him to FORGET his father and his father's family.  She removed all pictures of my son and refuses to visit the grave.  She has talked my grandson in not visiting it as well.  I am the one that makes sure there are flowers on my son's grave. It doesn't matter that it is my son that made it possible for her to quit her job the day he died and live comfortably and for my grandson to be in college.  She needs to be free so that she can search for the next man in her life.  I pray that one day my grandson will realize this.  He is only 20 so I attempt to stay in the loop and tell him I will always be there for him.  Families are not as close as they use to be.  I come from a huge Italian family and our joy came from simply enjoying a meal together.  We accepted each others faults and supported them no matter what.  Our responsibility is to find kindness and happiness in those that we meet.  Marcy is a good example of this and I admire her.  Nicole, I am happy that you had Mama Mae in your life and Jonibee how blessed to have two daughters at your side. Our responsibility is to take control of our lives and find ways to enjoy being alive.  That in itself is a BIG JOB.

[jonibee]

Relationships in a family can run the gammit..I (we) have four adult children ..two girls and 2 boys..The girls are closer than the boys..One of our sons we are estranged from for over 17 years..not on our part but because he chooses to. The other son takes me to appts but doesn't call to see if I'm okay and I see him on my BD or Christmas..The relationship is strained because of this. Thus the old saying " A daughter is a daughter the rest of her life, and a son is a son until he acquires a wife"...so true atleast in my case...The son that is estranged was a good son until he got married and things went down hill from there..Not that I expected him to be at my beckoning call which I didn't but he use to come and if he saw something that needed doing he did it amiably..So life goes on with or without them...My oldest son tends to be cynical in the way he answers a question and seems stressed out when I see him..He gives one word answers so I don't really bother trying to make conversation with him ..It's like hitting a brick wall..He does a sensitive part to him but it's hidden ..I guess we tolerate each other. The girls are gems and are present all the time  so I don't really have complaints only gratitude...I celebrate BDs quietly as I not a social butterfly and tend to get uptight (my eldest son takes after me I think)...Just go with the flow...Wishing you a great day...for what it is...

[Winter2024]

[Thursday 9/26/24]

Hmmm, where are my two MIA's??? I am MISSING YOU!!!  🤗🤗🤗  and  🤗🤗🤗

MC @mc6844 & Julie @JulieT507376 

[JulieT507376]

Happy Birthday Nicole!  Hope you do something special for yourself.  I’m 66 too!  It’s not so bad!  I can still get on the floor with Sadie and my great grand kids!   Sadie and I are doing fine.  Storms left us without power for a day!  Came back on this morning.  Really need a back up generator out here in no where land!! 

[Winter2024]

[Friday 9/26/24]

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , you did the best you could with caring for your hubbie.

Cadee @Cadee2719 PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE listen to your friends here. As I stated, you do have heart issues.

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗