Sitter Services

[h413509j]

I came from Illinois to help my mother n law. My husband travel back and forth every 3-4 months. I have been living with my mother-in-law since last March. My son recently got married. My mother-in-law cannot stay home by herself. She agreed to pay for a sitter. I When I returned home or back to my mother-in-law‘s home after the wedding she refused to pay the private sitter saying that was not her bill. My husband reminded her that she is the one who requires assistance not us.  My mother-in-law sister told her that since I am her caretaker I am responsible for paying someone to stay with her to which both my husband and I disagree. She has no one else to take care of her and this was the only break I’ gotten  since living  with her for year and a half. Who is responsible to pay for private sitter services the caretaker or the one who requires caregiver assistance? 

[ElleAZ]

Ouch! I feel your pain--I'm recently in a similar situation (caring for mother-in-law because her own daughter stressed out after doing live-in care for a year). The daughter wanted OUT of the situation so I came to live-in. Now when I need a break I'm hesitant to ask for her help because she is borderline abusive. Mom has limited funds, but understands that it's on her dime to pay others to come in and - for example, clean, provide respite, etc. Until we receive any state-issued help I think the cared-for person should pay for that, especially since the help she receives from me is essentially cost-free. Good luck with the triangle of communication between mom and the in-laws. My only advice is to stay the calm one and not get entangled in their possibly-twisted-ingrained ways of communicating among themselves. You know what I mean??

[h413509j]

Thank you for sharing!! My mother n law sad to say is selfish and self centered. She has a sister who lives 5 hours away whom she goes to for advice. Sadly, the know it all doesn’t know it all. Her sister told her that she doesn’t have to pay for sitter services. Well.., since writing this I contacted  Council on Aging yesterday.  Resource/social worker prompt me to call her insurance to see if they cover sitter services. If they don’t it becomes private pay. Which she is responsible to pay since she is the one needing services and I am here to assist her with living in her home. I called Humana Advantage who said sitter services  are not covered and she must therefore use a private service where she is responsible to pay.  I place call on speaker and my mother-in-law spoke to customer service rep who  explained  to her what she told me at which my mother n law replied, “Okay,” and gave me back the phone. Well today she is upset not speaking to me.  Guess her sister didn’t know it all after all. Being a care giver is complicated and stressful. Can someone say, burn out with family members interference....

Thanks again for sharing. I agree with you, “The care for person should pay since her care from me is cost free.”