@dl68317452 - I empathize with the situation you're in; I've been a caregiver multiple times in my life .. as a teenager for my grandmother, and most recently for a widowed aunt just about your father's age, who moved in with me.
There's a great expression I learned years ago: "You're never upset for the reason you think, and it may apply equally to your father, as well as you & your husband. It may seem like your father is critical of everything you're doing, but that may just be how he's expressing his emotions about the loss of his wife to Alzheimer's .. followed by her death, and having to give up his own life & independence to move into your tiny house. And after going thru Alzheimer's with your mother, he may also be terrified of developing it himself. So there's a LOT going on for him.
I'm sure you & your husband tried to do everything right for your parents, but how involved was your father, in decisions that totally control his life now? Was he part of the discussion about building the tiny house for them, and how it would be financed? If not, he might resent that .. even if at some level he realizes it was the best option. Change usually isn't easy for most people, especially older ones, and even worse when they feel they haven't been part of the planning or decision-making process.
You haven't mentioned your brother's financial situation or home life. Was he involved in the discussions about relocating your parents when they were no longer able to live independently, or how the tiny house would be financed? If possible, he should make some contribution to your father's ongoing care, even if he lives out-of-state. He may feel that the tiny house will add to the value of your property in the end, so he shouldn't have to pay for it .. but there may be ongoing expenses he could take on.
It's common in many cultures that sons are treated like princes, by the parents, while daughters wind up doing all the caregiving. I don't know what the family dynamics were for your family, but there may not be any reason for you to take it personally now.
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