AARP Eye Center
- AARP Online Community
- Games
- Games Talk
- SongTheme
- Games Tips
- Leave a Game Tip
- Ask for a Game Tip
- AARP Rewards
- AARP Rewards Connect
- Earn Activities
- Redemption
- General
- AARP Rewards Tips
- Ask for a Rewards Tip
- Leave a Rewards Tip
- Caregiving
- Caregiving
- Grief & Loss
- Caregiving Tips
- Ask for a Caregiving Tip
- Leave a Caregiving Tip
- AARP Help
- Membership
- Benefits & Discounts
- General Help
- Entertainment Forums
- Rock N' Roll
- Let's Play Bingo!
- Leisure & Lifestyle
- Entertainment Archive
- Health Forums
- Brain Health
- Conditions & Treatments
- Healthy Living
- Medicare & Insurance
- Health Tips
- Ask for a Health Tip
- Leave a Health Tip
- Home & Family Forums
- Friends & Family
- Introduce Yourself
- Housing
- Late Life Divorce
- Our Front Porch
- Home & Family Archive
- Money Forums
- Budget & Savings
- Scams & Fraud
- Retirement Forum
- Retirement
- Social Security
- Retirement Archive
- Technology Forums
- Computer Questions & Tips
- About Our Community
- Travel Forums
- Destinations
- Work & Jobs
- Work & Jobs
- AARP Online Community
- Caregiving
- Caregiving
- Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)
Need a Laugh?
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Float this Topic for Current User
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Printer Friendly Page
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
Need a Laugh?
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, โWell, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. Iโm not sure the IRS finds that believable.โ
โIโm a great gambler, and I can prove it,โ says Grandpa. โHow about a demonstration?โ
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, โOkay. Go ahead. โ
Grandpa says, โIโll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.โ
The auditor thinks a moment and says, โItโs a bet.โ
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditorโs jaw drops.
Grandpa says, โNow, Iโll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.โ
The auditor can tell Grandpa isnโt blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpaโs attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Advertisement
โWant to go double or nothing?โ Grandpa asks โIโll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.โ
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides thereโs no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he canโt make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditorโs desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpaโs own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
โAre you okay?โ the auditor asks.
โNot really,โ says the attorney. โThis morning, when Grandpa told me heโd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that youโd be happy about it.โ
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE:
A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of โจthe blue, the wife says, โI love you.โ
โIs that you or the wine talking?โ asks the husband.
โItโs me,โ says the wife. โTalking โจto the wine.โ
Enjoy your Thursday!
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
When it comes โจto candy bars, the term fun-sized โจis misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being โ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: โจโdisappointment-sized.โ
Jimmy Kimmel
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a cafรฉ to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "Iโm sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?"
"Thatโs fine," Sandy said.
"Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German shepherd. I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cashbox to pay. Taped to the inside of the lid was this note: "The dog can count."
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
A zookeeper is ordering new โจanimals. As he fills out the forms, he types โtwo mongeese.โ That doesnโt look right, so he tries โtwo mongoose,โ then โtwo mongooses.โ Giving up, he types, โOne mongoose, and while youโre at it, send another one.โ
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 72). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a young man sitting next to him. The man had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The young man would look and find him staring every time. When the young man had enough, he sarcastiaclly asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk onece and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my my son."
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
Gary was having a yard sale. โจA minister bought a lawn mower โจbut returned it a few days later, โจcomplaining that it wouldnโt run.
โItโll run,โ said Gary. โBut you โจhave to curse at it to get it started.โ
The minister was shocked. โI have not uttered a curse in 30 years.โ
โJust keep pulling on the starter ropeโthe words will come back to you.โ
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: โWoof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.โ
The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, โYou know, there are only nine words here. You could add another โWoofโ for the same price.โ
The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. โBut that would make no sense at all.โ
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
Why Canโt Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, โMarc, with a C.โ Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side:Cark.
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be 10 again." So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Then we hit the playround for the merry-go-round. We finished the day off with a banana split.
"So how did you enjoy being a kid for day."
"Great," she said. "But when I wanted to be ten again, I meant dress size."
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
โPoor Old fool,โ thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought heโd humor the old man and asked, โSo how many have you caught today?โ
The old man replied, โYouโre the eighth.โ
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE:
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sounds of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
Caregiving Concierge
- Mark as New
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report
NEW JOKE!
It's a blonde joke - I'm blonde and thought it was funny (no offense to anyone).
"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from Home Depot, who installed them. The manager complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. HHHHEEELLLLOOO...just b/cI'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year....that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Helllooo, it's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the link, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!"
Caregiving Concierge
NEW: AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays! This week, achieve a top score in Atari Centipedeยฎ and you could win $100! Learn More.