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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 21 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

Gary was having a yard sale. 
A minister bought a lawn mower 
but returned it a few days later, 
complaining that it wouldn’t run.

 

“It’ll run,” said Gary. “But you 
have to curse at it to get it started.”

 

The minister was shocked. “I have not uttered a curse in 30 years.”

 

“Just keep pulling on the starter rope—the words will come back to you.”

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 22 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 72). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a young man sitting next to him. The man had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The young man would look and find him staring every time. When the young man had enough, he sarcastiaclly asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 

"Got drunk onece and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my my son."

 

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 23 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

A zookeeper is ordering new 
animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right, so he tries “two mongoose,” then “two mongooses.” Giving up, he types, “One mongoose, and while you’re at it, send another one.”

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 24 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

 

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

 

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 25 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

Why Can’t Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side:Cark.

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 26 of 33

NEW JOKE! 

 

For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be 10 again." So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Then we hit the playround for the merry-go-round. We finished the day off with a banana split. 

 

"So how did you enjoy being a kid for day."

 

"Great," she said. "But when I wanted to be ten again, I meant dress size."

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 27 of 33

NEW JOKE!

 

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 28 of 33

NEW JOKE:

 

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sounds of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. 

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. 
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. 

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore. 

 

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Re: Daily Giggle (Updated Weekly!)

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Message 29 of 33

NEW JOKE!

It's a blonde joke - I'm blonde and thought it was funny (no offense to anyone).

 

"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from Home Depot, who installed them. The manager complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. HHHHEEELLLLOOO...just b/cI'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year....that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Helllooo, it's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the link, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!"

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Re: Daily Giggle

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Message 30 of 33

I'll make an effort to share more things like this! Smiley Happy

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