@martiedeal wrote:
I have been caring for my 92 year old Mother for the last five years. She has been in relatively good health except for her knees. She walks with a walker and I clean and cook for her and I am her transportation.
My Mother has always been paranoid about her possessions. When she can't find something, she is sure that someone has taken it. Lately it has become worse. She also can't take her meds. She forgets to take them or feels if one works then two will be better. She also remembers things that never happened ( recent) . When you confront her about these issues she becomes belligerent and refuses to discuss it. I took over her meds and she was mad!! She hated giving up control. She puts her foot down like a little child and stands her ground on everything even if she is wrong. This is not my Mom.
I love her and don't know how to deal with this different lady. HELP!!
please!!!
@martiedeal wrote:
I have been caring for my 92 year old Mother for the last five years. She has been in relatively good health except for her knees. She walks with a walker and I clean and cook for her and I am her transportation.
My Mother has always been paranoid about her possessions. When she can't find something, she is sure that someone has taken it. Lately it has become worse. She also can't take her meds. She forgets to take them or feels if one works then two will be better. She also remembers things that never happened ( recent) . When you confront her about these issues she becomes belligerent and refuses to discuss it. I took over her meds and she was mad!! She hated giving up control. She puts her foot down like a little child and stands her ground on everything even if she is wrong. This is not my Mom.
I love her and don't know how to deal with this different lady. HELP!!
please!!!
Hi Marmath,
She is a lucky mom to have you with her.
I agree with Astraea. Everyone needs a checkup, or perhaps she's been on her blood pressure medication a loooooong time and it's time to review her meds. Whatever excuse you can come up with to get her to agree to see the doctor. What i used to do when i was assisting families with a person who had dementia is:
* Compose a quick, short note for the doctor, preferably hand written (for some reason humans notice handwriting before printed text) that says something like "My mother has been forgetful, even paranoid, about her medications and her belongings. Can you help? We see you on July ___, 2017 at 11 am."
* Then fax it to the office of the doctor. It WILL get seen and put in her record. Get it to her or him a week in advance.
* When you see the doctor, let her do the talking. Direct the doctor to talk to your mom, but chime in. Don't negate what she's saying but add to it. She will pick up tone of voice. You can present as supportive and affirming, while directly countering her statements.
i once sat behind an opthalmology exam where my client had her back to me and the doc faced me, and he would ask, so are you still driving? And she'd say, Oh yes, and i would silently and vehemently shake my head NO. Are you still reading? Oh yes, and i would shake my head no.
See what the doc says and offers.
Something about growing up during the depression that makes folks very frugal, kind of suspicious, really careful about belongings and purses and such. Women are taught to be careful, and keep things close to their bodies, to be vigilant. When the mind begins to go, there's a frantic quality to looking for things that have been lost. Really sad. But super common.
This IS your mom, said as it seems. Maybe she's taking meds that are interacting and making her strange. If that is the case, voila, there will be immediate improvement. On the other hand, the older she gets, the more she is likely to develop some cognitive deficits.
Tell us more. What makes sense to you? As Astraea noted, things can change at times of day. Thank you so much for writing. We all learn from each other!
Jane