@s450669s wrote:
Hi, my mom is 86 years old w Parkinsons. She has outlived her money and we in the last year met with an attorney to get Medicaid. After 4 falls in 5 weeks she is living in her apartment with full time round the clock aides. She hates it, says she can't move without them, has lost her independence and even called a local car dealer who picked her up and she purchased a car on a credit card. We are trying to give it back, she left the apartment yesterday to drive to the store and the agency called me. They may not provide her w care anymore as she is being non compliant.I am a working young widow and don't know what to do anymore, trying to talk to her she cries or gets very nasty. Where do I turn for help and guidance?
Oh my. Buying a car on a credit card? The place that sold her the car really should be scolded. Lord have mercy.
She's pissed off, that's for sure, and it's understandable. Can you afford to hire a geriatric care manager? I used to be one, and i once had a client who kept getting asked to leave various assisted living places. Since she has medicaid, you'd have to pay for it. But the cost might be well worth it. A geriatric care manager is trained and usually has tons of experience working with the problems that come up when older people need a solution on how to get care and live their best life despite the disabilities. Which includes bad attitudes. Or at least uncooperative ones.
The web site www.caremanager.org is where you can find one. And then tell them you only have so much to work with financially, and see what they can do. We used to do 'consultations' which meant a thorough assessment and then recommendations on solutions. If clients had more money to work with, we could take the client to doctor appointments, vet and choose aides, etc.
Even though she's difficult, does she listen to you? or is there someone else in the family she'll listen to? or a authority figure, like a minister of some sort? You could try to reason with her. "Mom, how are you going to pay back your credit card debt? If you'd like to get out more, let's talk about that..." Etc. She IS suffering a terrible loss. Hopefully she'll see that you mean the best for her.
I'm surprised she gets 'round the clock care. Medicaid in DC paid for 12 hours a day, tops, as i recall. Now I'm in Oregon.
Can you tell us more about her and you? Do you have any siblings to support you and help? We are hear and i don't know a single older person who hasn't been difficult at one point or another. (I'm counting on being one myself!)
Thanks for writing. Please write more.
Jane
