Daughter Caring for Mom

[JuanitaG882469]

Hi I have my mom living with me since May, 2021; her fourth time living with me over the years. She was a California resident living in her own house, I had increased concerns of her decline. Mama is 90, I am 61 and work remote in telehealth (gratefully). Mom has stage 6e Alzheimer Dementia. I am now her legal guardian (after needless legal issues and a family from hell).

I provide 24/7/365 care on all levels. We have had recent PT, OT, and ST. I am just now venturing out to look into day programs for her social needs and maybe someone to help with light grooming (brushing teeth, bathing). She does go to the store with me, we go walk at the park at least three days/week, light picnics, and sit down restaurant (though that may be ending). I do her mani/pedi, help her soak her feet and keep the skin nice. 

Though I do online ordering for groceries and supplies I still need to go get oil changes, go to my annual medical appointments, take a walk by myself, etc.

I guess I'd love to hear suggestions how you started resourcing your loved one and yourself. My family lives in others states and they are better left out of the picture-causing more drama than support.

Thank you. Speedy

[CynthiaM581548]

 Hello, our situations are very similar. I reached out to the Area Agency on Aging here in Florida and they connected me with Alzheimer's Community Care Alzheimer’s Community Care HQ (alzcare.org)

Mom started going to their Alzheimer/Dementia Day Care 2 days a week when I had to work away from home.  It gradually increased to 5 days a week as spots became available.  It gives me time to work from home the other 3 days, run errands or just have some down time knowing that she is safe and has social interaction with others. The nurses at the Center are fantastic and keep the patients very engaged in mind stimulating activity. Its been a blessing for me.  Good Luck to you.

[SandraJ50324]

My mom's mental health started to decline during the pandemic toward the 2021 timeframe. We realized she was having trouble when she couldn't find my house on Mother's Day 2021. After a few months, I began to see that she really needed help so I took her to an attorney to authorize a living will and to give me power of attorney. Since 2024, my role has become more caregiver (we had a bad experience with in-home care in 2023 because Mom just wouldn't cooperate and caused such a stir). Thankfully, I am retired. She is 88 and I'm 70. 

She is living with me now, as of a week ago, until I have a complete picture of our options, as she is also a Veteran. She started wandering of by foot. This got concerned citizens involved, seeing that she is elderly and walking on a busy street without sidewalks, and also the police who escorted her back home to her house. Her grandson living with her worked at night, slept in the daytime. This last time was a wakeup call to get her out of the house and with me.

Because of her declining memory and stages of delusion throughout the day, I feel that I will definitely need help. I'm her only daughter, and my only brother lives in another state. I am much better with finances then my brother. In his care, I fear he'll deplete her bank account over a short period of time! 

I am wondering if I should obtain more legal help? How are managing the additional expenses incurred? While my name has been on her bank records for more than 20 years and I POA, I want to be sure that it's ok to pay myself or co-mingle accounts in order to cover increases in living expenses. Previously, I've only been covering my gasoline and other things, like upkeep and maintenance on her property. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.