@judy1704 wrote:
To be honest, I really don't know where to begin. Where would be the best place to help me figure out how I can start to repair my self esteem, confidence and break this isolation I've found myself in? I've never had the ability to make friends much and have always been a loner, a total introvert.
Judy
Hey there, it's only 930pm here and my brain is still (partially) working, so i'll see if i can brainstorm a couple of ideas. Since you are 'a loner, a total introvert', i'm thinking that finding one psychotherapist to talk to is a good start. Joining a group (even if you could find a local, convenient one) might be too much. Finding a therapist means you can have an hour per week to be the center of attention, the center of your own thoughts and ideas, shared out loud with a compassionate professional.
Now the next step is the whole 'how to pay for this' bit. If you have Medicare and a regular (non HMO) secondary insurance, then you're probably looking for a licensed clinical social worker. Social Workers provide about 2/3rds of all the mental health care in the US, even though psychologists and psychiatrists get more attention. There are far fewer of them and they are more expensive. I'd suggest you ask around for ideas for a therapist but if you are isolated, you will find it hard to find someone to ask. There are lots of ways to search for them, including the national association of social workers or the Psychotherapy Networker.
If you have private insurance and no medicare (you said you are retired but you still may have only private insurance) then you can look up therapists online with your insurance card. Even though the therapists you find may say they are accepting new patients, that isn't necessarily so.
If you have an HMO like Kaiser Permanente, then you can go through their services to find a therapist. This is the easiest way.
You can google "psychotherapist" and then your city, town, or county, or even neighborhood if it's a big city. And see who pops up.
I'm working as a therapist now, and am new to rural oregon so i did some poking around. When i find a therapist on a list of providers, i then google them and see if they have a web site of their own. Whether they do or not doesn't necessarily mean they are good or bad therapists: more an indication of web savviness. But, if they have a facebook page or web site, i can learn more about the kind of person they are, and the kind of clinician they are.
Then you'll have to get out of your comfort zone and make some calls: leave messages or maybe get the therapist on the first try, and say, I am a caregiver and i'm pretty isolated. I'm looking for counseling to help me work on myself and learn how to nurture myself better... or some such language.
Does this make sense?
I think perhaps your goal for the next year could be to make one friend. Or rekindle an old friendship that has been lying fallow. Even if it is a long distance friend, from years ago. Sometimes, through facebook, people find long lost roommates from college or lovely neighbors from several moves back. Being a friend is a bit of a trick, as you don't want to overwhelm people with neediness right off the bat. You want to offer friendship as well as receive it. But friendship can be a holy grace and deep blessing. And it may take some time.
I also wonder if you might be willing to visit a faith community. The Unitarian Universalists are the least formal, or among the least, and very welcoming of all sorts. If it's 'smells and bells' you want, perhaps an Episcopal Church. If you are Jewish, try a reform place or a conservative place and what they heck, check out a service. Wait for a holiday if you like. There are likely to be all kinds of caregivers in a place of worship. But if its not your thing, 'organized religion' i mean, that's okay too. They just have sort of an instant community quality about them if you're open to it.
okay now i have to go to bed. i hope others will chime in. what do you think?
Hang in there Judy.
Jane
