Adult children supplementing Mom's in home care

[Stealth59]

Mom has asked all her adult children to help her pay for her in home care by depositing $ on a monthly basis into her adult grand daughters Venmo account. Adult grand daughter has quit her job to take care of her grandmother. There is no Personal Care Agreement in place. Some of the adult children who want to help have asked for transparency into her finances on a monthly basis. Mom does not want to share the information. We want to call a family meeting to discuss and anticipate major resistance - any suggestions?

[AARPMichaelP]

This is very helpful information. This applies to so many people I am sure. 

[Stealth59]

Thank you for your response - I'll reply to you privately 

[JaneCares]

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@Stealth59 wrote:
Mom has asked all her adult children to help her pay for her in home care by depositing $ on a monthly basis into her adult grand daughters Venmo account. Adult grand daughter has quit her job to take care of her grandmother. There is no Personal Care Agreement in place. Some of the adult children who want to help have asked for transparency into her finances on a monthly basis. Mom does not want to share the information. We want to call a family meeting to discuss and anticipate major resistance - any suggestions?

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I'm replying a little late here but want to chime in anyway. In addition to being a past and present caregiving, i've been a medical social worker for, lawd have mercy, 35 years now, and i generally have urged families to avoid dipping into their own money to pay for their elders care for a few reasons:

1. unless the extended family is very wealthy, y'all need to save for your OWN eventual care

2. the elder care-recipient needs to exhaust all possible sources of help based on his/her/their own needs, and that takes work but, eventually, a financial accounting is needed for the future for eventual Medicaid-eligibility in many cases.

I agree that the most careful planning needs to be done for the granddaughter to protect her income, payments into social security, taxes, etc, all above board and carefully kept track of, perhaps through an accountant. 

If you all as a family agree to pay for help, then pay into a fund that pays the granddaughter, and/or pay directly to a home care agency that provides supplemental care. Do have a family meeting for all who are contributing so that everyone is CRYSTAL CLEAR about what's going on, who's paying what, whether everyone is paying equally or, according to ability. 

She sounds like she feels entitled to this help. Is someone, she herself or her next of kin, working with an elder law attorney to look at future planning, future eligibility for Medicaid (which can in turn pay for in home care in some states), tax repercussions, etc? Does she have an advance directive? Has she completed her will? She needs to get organized.

I hope this makes sense.  The older generations should not be draining the assets of younger generations unless there's a really good reason. IMHO

Jane,

former geriatric care manager, hospice social worker, oncology social worker...

[agoyer]

@Stealth59 Might it help if you explain to your mother exactly why you want transparency to the finances? Is the fear that the granddaughter would take advantage and take more money than she should? If so, could another family member handle paying her and therefore don't give her access to the checking account or credit cards? Or is the concern that your mother will be overly generous with her granddaughter? Or is it that you're concerned that the granddaughter won't actually provide the agreed upon care? 

Here is a template for a Personal Care Agreement with a Family Caregiver in case that will be helpful! 

Also - if you have the family meetings, here are some of my Tips for Difficult Family Conversations! 

Good luck and keep us posted in terms of what you decide to do! 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving

[Stealth59]

I'm replying in private - good info!

[ManicProgressive]

In principle, I wouldn't mind paying the granddaughter, but I'd insist on withholding employment taxes.  So, I'd set a wage, and the family members who want to contribute to it can.  But it's a documented income for tax purposes.  And I find that that makes hourly employees either ditch the job because they wanted under the table income, or take it more seriously. 

Not asking for you to post here, but I'd discuss with family:  How many hours is she working?  Does she live there?  What exactly does she do for your mom? 

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers

I'm not sure whose finances you want to see?  Do you think your mom is being exploited for cash by her granddaughter? 

[Stealth59]

I'm replying in private - good info!