@Stealth59 wrote:
Mom has asked all her adult children to help her pay for her in home care by depositing $ on a monthly basis into her adult grand daughters Venmo account. Adult grand daughter has quit her job to take care of her grandmother. There is no Personal Care Agreement in place. Some of the adult children who want to help have asked for transparency into her finances on a monthly basis. Mom does not want to share the information. We want to call a family meeting to discuss and anticipate major resistance - any suggestions?
I'm replying a little late here but want to chime in anyway. In addition to being a past and present caregiving, i've been a medical social worker for, lawd have mercy, 35 years now, and i generally have urged families to avoid dipping into their own money to pay for their elders care for a few reasons:
1. unless the extended family is very wealthy, y'all need to save for your OWN eventual care
2. the elder care-recipient needs to exhaust all possible sources of help based on his/her/their own needs, and that takes work but, eventually, a financial accounting is needed for the future for eventual Medicaid-eligibility in many cases.
I agree that the most careful planning needs to be done for the granddaughter to protect her income, payments into social security, taxes, etc, all above board and carefully kept track of, perhaps through an accountant.
If you all as a family agree to pay for help, then pay into a fund that pays the granddaughter, and/or pay directly to a home care agency that provides supplemental care. Do have a family meeting for all who are contributing so that everyone is CRYSTAL CLEAR about what's going on, who's paying what, whether everyone is paying equally or, according to ability.
She sounds like she feels entitled to this help. Is someone, she herself or her next of kin, working with an elder law attorney to look at future planning, future eligibility for Medicaid (which can in turn pay for in home care in some states), tax repercussions, etc? Does she have an advance directive? Has she completed her will? She needs to get organized.
I hope this makes sense. The older generations should not be draining the assets of younger generations unless there's a really good reason. IMHO
Jane,
former geriatric care manager, hospice social worker, oncology social worker...
