Re: Advice request: What to watch for and how to k...

Mike521703 · ‎10-19-2023

My mother-in-law is beginning to enter the early stages of dementia. She seems fine on her own now, but she lives an hour away and we struggle to know when she will not be able to live on her own. We act too soon, she loses independence, too late, she could get hurt. This is our first time dealing with this and we are interested in learning what other folks that are going or gone through this have found to work well. So much to learn… a few questions if you can share: 1. What was your aging loved one's situation and what were the biggest safety risks you recommend that we should be on the lookout for? 2. Any subtle signs that we might be missing that are hard to observe from a distance on calls or short visits? 3. What was your strategy for extending your loved one's time living independently for as long as safely possible? 4. Did you try any useful technology to help check up on loved one or help keep them safe living independently? How did it go and how did your loved one respond to the device or the intrusiveness? 5. What was the final thing that triggered you to transition to something like visiting home care, assisted living, or something else? Any advice is appreciated as we begin this journey,

GailL1 · ‎10-19-2023

Does SHE have a plan ????

It's Always Something . . . . Roseanna Roseannadanna

Mike521703 · ‎10-20-2023

Her/Our longer term plan is that she will move closer either into assisted living or in with us or a sibling, but for now she likes her own place, so we are trying to make that safe as long as possible. So we are trying to learn from experienced caregivers about the subtle or not so subtle things to keep an eye on so we can monitor those and address them to extend her independent living as long as safely possible. Any experience or thoughts on important safety related signs to keep an eye on or an technology that you have used to do that well at distance?

GailL1 · ‎10-20-2023

@Mike521703 wrote

Her/Our longer term plan is that she will move closer either into assisted living or in with us or a sibling, but for now she likes her own place, so we are trying to make that safe as long as possible.

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Then yes, she is gonna need somebody to check on her or even take over some things. If she can at this point she can tell you what she needs help with - things like driving her to appointments, grocery shopping, even down to household things or medication management & planning.

A caregiver would be the easiest and their job to help with these things if your MIL is open to that form of assistance. A trusted caregiver can also get to know her and see when things change and further action has to be taken.

I will assume that you or her designate could take over things like her bill payments/ finances - making sure that everything gets paid especially any health insurance premiums cause if she has a Medigap or a free standing PDP, they will cancel the plan for nonpayment.

She needs to appointed her SS and her Medicare Personal Representative - that way her designate can speak to them about any concerns and take certain actions. SS and Medicare do not recognize POA - it has to be assigned by her - can be done online if she has a SS account and a Medicare account.

I moved my mom in a planned progression -

1. Gave up house moved to an independent senior facility- she stayed there for years and was pretty much independent. Brought in a caregiver when she started needing more help with her personal, nutritional, housekeeping needs.

2. When things could not be managed there (nighttime safety concerns) she moved to an ALF - stayed there a short while - think about 9-months -. At 1st it was regular assisted living then to Memory care (same facility). The nice thing about ALF is that one can move in with only basic needs - then as the care level increases, as well as the price, they can supply it up until they are close to 100% care. But remember they are only “ASSISTED” - there is a level over that. When she reached that point in her care level, another move

3. to a Personal Care Home - only (5) residents - where she was under hospice care - only there for a short while before she died.

She needs to have all her wishes legally documented especially her health care directive. One of the things in a healthcare directive or living will is the choice of receiving life sustaining nutrients artificially.

That is sometimes problematic with late stage Alzheimer’s patients if their wishes go against this.

I guess my philosophy is plan for the worse and then pray for the best.

I only caution you on the timing - sometimes when the progression becomes apparent, it begins to speed up and then it takes real quick action or perhaps not the 1st choice of actions.

She may get daycare but that nighttime also needs monitoring too.

Didn’t use any technology with my mom - with her having a person was better. Although I did have to try several until I found a really good fit.

Communication with your MIL is imperative until it no longer works because of decline. That has to be acknowledged - at some point what she might say that she wants, isn’t exactly feasible to her care.

Watch of personality changes as well as physical ones - know her docs and be able to communicate with them - if they know her, and she sees them regularly - they will be invaluable in keeping you informed of her condition.

It's Always Something . . . . Roseanna Roseannadanna