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- Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
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SARAH PALIN.... The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick !
BARACK OBAMA.... Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period !
HILLARY CLINTON.... What difference does it make at this point?
DICK CHENEY.... Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON... I did not cross the road with that chicken!
ALL GORE.... I invented the chicken.... and the road.
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WIFE'S DIARY:
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home I told him I loved him. I'm almost sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND'S DIARY:
A two-foot putt.... who the hell misses a two-foot putt !
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A woman phones her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because my wife wasn't even home yesterday !"
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A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck." says the guard.
"I tried that" he replies,
"But then I can't breathe."
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Husband's message:
"Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Teena brought me to the hospital. They have been making tests and taking exrays. The blow to my head though strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot."
Wife's Message:
Who's Teena?
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The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
As the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store ( less a walk than a lumber)..
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The cakes and the pies, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my X-husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as only I can...
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man."
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick
I'll only chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all and to all a good diet !
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