Looking forward to Spring

SueS788527 · ‎03-28-2024

It has been a while since I posted on the AARP Grief Forum. Like everything else since my husband died, the experience has been difficult, lonely, and sometimes unexpected. I am at a stage where I am now starting to redefine my new single identity. Not easy and the only advice I can give is to stay true to yourself and interact with like-minded individuals if you can. That has worked for me. I am also venturing out with married individuals and that has been a challenge in some cases. What works is finding an activity that you enjoy and find folks that share your interests. Social events can be tricky if there is only “idle” chit chat or complaints about their married lives. I often feel like saying that this is their time to enjoy each other and not take anything for granted. Of course, I bite my tongue and do not say it. What a waste of precious time together for them. Unfortunately, I probably was guilty of that as well to some extent. Going back to Spring, I am looking forward to the emerging flowers and trees. It is a true reawakening and gives one the opportunity to appreciate life. It also reinforces the message of patience. This year for the first time, all the Lenten Roses that my husband planted several years ago came up and spread like a blanket of color even through the snow we had a few weeks ago. Great memory of a life well spent together. Happy Spring to all, your friend, Sue 🥀

EricC28201 · ‎04-14-2024

In the past I have had a few epiphanies after reading your posts @SueS788527 . Your contributions to this forum have been on my mind lately.
Over the past couple of months I have become a willing listener for somebody whose spouse passed away over the winter. Although my experience was not with a spouse, but the departure of multiple family members and friends in rapid succession we connect with respect to the overall effect and challenges. Strange as it may sound I am feeling grateful for the opportunity to be of assistance. An added blessing has been a new perspective of my own process...I wouldn't call it full circle, but a welcome continuation of a process.

I hope this finds you well and progressing along your own path.

P.S. I recently remembered a hobby I had for a few years...designing business cards...I lost interest in assembling musical playlists for a while and replaced that hobby with designing business cards. Didn't do it before: don't do it any more...just did it for those few years.

SueS788527 · ‎04-14-2024

Hi, Eric, thank you for sharing. I am glad I could help along the way. It sounds like giving back and making a difference in another person's life has helped you. Those gestures of kindness have helped me as well. Your comment on the continuation of the (grievance) process is astute. I have been struggling in how to define the experience. There are many imageries like the ball of emotions, the grief in a jar that grows around the grief (good visual by the way), the waves hitting you suddenly, etc. I know my experience has not been linear. There are moments of what appears to be setbacks, usually brought on by various triggers. This still happens today. I now think grieving is part of the continuum of life and I have to live with it. Remember the blessings and learn from the experiences. In this way, I am living in the present. I am glad you are continuing to tap into your creativity with designing new business cards. Good for you. There are many more adventures waiting for us. We just have to keep our mind and heart open. Have a good Sunday. Your fellow traveler on this journey, Sue

mc6844 · ‎03-29-2024

Sue, you have a good perspective and balance of things. The journey is difficult for sure. Due to age it takes me longer to do things. And that makes for less things to get done. Lol Everything tech these days. Sure keeps me busy. I wonder if we take courses we can take our information and certifications into the next life. I suppose in some way we can. Time goes on. I talk to people more. Everyone these days needs a word of comfort and encouragement. Missing those we love and care about is hard. Thank you for your insight Sue. You are doing very well!

SueS788527 · ‎04-14-2024

Hi, Mc6844, thank you for your comments and insight. I totally agree with you that it takes me longer to do things I used to do. I think it is a combination of grieving and aging. Not a great combination by any means. I learned a while back that I am better at single tasking, particularly during the death notification stage. I also became more organized, and I think that has helped me to this day. Regarding tech issues, that has been a challenge for me too. Having said that, I think it is important for us to become more confident and knowledgeable about the new technology. In my case, I entered the world of Apple by accident (not sure if there really are any accidents) and found their support to be what I needed in person and over the phone. Also, some of the phone companies are offering some really good deals so it is worth another look as well. I am convinced that most transactions in the near future will be done through the phone or online, whether we like it or not. So, I guess I need to continue to dive into a new discipline. I wish you all the best on your journey. Your friend, Sue