🤔 What CHALLENGE(s) Are YOU Facing RIGHT NOW?

[Anonymous]

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Stop by to tell us about YOUR CHALLENGE and support OTHER MEMBERS.

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

[Anonymous]

(1 comment) Carolyn @CarolynS674392 , would she "consider" medication or some other therapy? Nicole 🤎🤗

[CarolynS674392]

She is actually on an antidepressant and other medications.  She had a geriatric doctor that was wonderful, but he closed the one practice.  She needs to see another one to manage her meds.  Because of her age, they cannot increase her antidepressant.

[CarolynS674392]

Well, she hates the look of the condo my dad made her move into. She cries about that a lot. And she is feeling lonely because he doesn't talk to her as much as she would like.  She has longstanding depression, now complicated by dementia.  My dad wasn't the nicest in the past.  He was mean to me too.  But a lot of my dad and my relationship is healing and is good now.  He's very sweet in all the cooking he does for her and she praises his cooking.  Anyway, her moods are often worse in the afternoon and evening.  She is the nicest and sweetest lady you'd ever want to know.

[MarcyW882921]

Throwing out a couple of ideas...

Can small changes can be made to change the look of the condo? Are there any day programs available in the area where your Mom could socialize with others? 

[CarolynS674392]

I am grieving my husband and also trying to assist my mother by cheering her up.  She is depressed and cries to me a lot.  I guess that's my role.  She doesn't complain to my sisters.  Today was a good day.  My dad and mom and I went to see my niece's artwork in a district-wide art show.  Then we had lunch out.  We don't go out very much but we should.  She seemed happy today.  I'm very glad.

[MarcyW882921]

Getting out of the house can be very therapeutic. A couple of times while we were out going to doctor's appointments, my husband asked if we could go out for lunch. The times we did that, he said it made him feel like a human being again.

I'm glad you spent time with your family, felt some joy, and had a good day! 

[BeatleloverKT]

Thank you all for the well wishes. Taking it slow

until I feel better 💜

[mc6844]

I hope you feel better too. A back problem needs careful and special care. At least it gets you to slow down. But I know how painful a back problem can be.  Take care.

[BeatleloverKT]

As if grief and everyday life isn’t enough of a struggle, I have hurt my back somehow. After waiting in the car for groceries of all things, it began to hurt. Worse today. Puts a damper on my mood and my to-do list as sitting isn’t very comfortable. Off to my heating pad and Tylenol and hope that brings relief. Hope everyone is doing ok 💜💜

[MarcyW882921]

Sorry to hear that you have back pain on top of your grief. Both can definitely impact your mood and ability to mark things off of to-do lists!

It isn't a fun way for your body to communicate with you, but it might be saying it would like some TLC. Take that Tylenol, put on the heating pad and consider it a retreat day. 

I hope you get some well-deserved relief!

[LeeS4949]

Hope your back is treating you better.. I have a long history of back issues and altho warmth feels so much better I've found that a cold pack actually works better for me reducing the pain.. Gets me back on my feet alot quicker.. Also Arnica Gel is a very good topical.. Hope this helps..

[BeatleloverKT]

Thanks @LeeS4949 for the tips. I’ve been told moist heat works the best but it’s pretty messy so I stick with the heating pad. I do feel better today so hoping

tomorrow is even better 💜

[SueS788527]

I wish you a speedy recovery.  Unfortunately, at least in my case, I have personally seen that the death of my husband affected me in all ways, including physical health. That is why everyone keeps saying to take care of yourself.  You are fragile and deserve to take the extra time to rest and eat healthy meals.  Not everyone does, but eventually will realize that we have to be our own best caregivers.  Relax and do something you enjoy.  You deserve it.  All the best.  Sue

[Anonymous]

1 comment (MONDAY 3/6/23)

Lol Marcy @MarcyW882921 , for me EVERY day in Retirement is the SAME except for "mandatory" leave my apt errands.

As usual, ALWAYS good to hear from you!!! 💃🥳

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗🤎

[MarcyW882921]

That's the beauty of retirement. Every day doesn't have to be the same. We are the masters of our own destiny and have the ability to be creative! 

Marcy

[Anonymous]

1 comment (SUNDAY 3/5/23)

Well it is nearly 6pm EST for me and I am "counting" down the minutes for tomorrow to get here so EVERYBODY goes back to work!!! 🥳💃

I am OLD AND CRANKY/lol 😂🤣

Grateful this year 2023 has folks out of their apartments = time for me to RELAX and NOT dwell on my grief....

Yes, by SUNDAY, I am on EMPTY and need to "refill" with HOPE that there will be something AHEAD of me that will "add" to my life's journey.

Luv you ALL,

Nicole 🤎🤗

[MarcyW882921]

In days of work, Sunday was the day when everything had to get done to prepare for returning to work on Monday.

Now it can be viewed as a beginning to the week ahead. What do you want the week to look like? What can you do to get things started in that direction? How can you stay on the path? So many questions and now off to find the answers! 

[Anonymous]

1 comment (SATURDAY 3/4/23)

Hi Marcy @MarcyW882921 , I luv the 4 seasons UNLESS we have too much snow. So far, knock on wood NO snow. I miss my daughter in Florida but NOT missing the year-round Summer with my "hot" flashes. 😭

Nicole 🤎🤗

[MarcyW882921]

Yes not everyone can tolerate the warmth year round. I guess that is why so many people split their time between two different geographical regions.

I'm glad you are enjoying the four seasons without the snow! 🙂

Marcy

[jonibee]

My challenge now is going through stuff no longer needed to make room for my adult daughter who will be moving back home and needs the space for her bedroom things...I just got through with going through my husbands things and donating to a worthy cause along to family members who wish for certain items...Trying to get my financial house in order as my life is different now since husbands passing...I thought it was all said and done but the loose ends keep on coming out .the paper work and confirmation of things for correctness and follow through seems to elude me...Hopefully it will right itself out soon...Keeping current in all things is important so it doesn't get lost in communication of day to day living..Looking forward to the Spring to see the burst of life appearing outside  everywhere...Easter a time of rebirth of life...

[mc6844]

I can identify with the paperwork. I did all that at the beginning of the loss. It was a necessity. If I had to do it now I'm not sure I'd get it done. It's a lot to do. But sounds like you're getting it done. Take care.

[MarcyW882921]

Kudos for you to get through all of your husband's things. That is a huge undertaking and you got it done!

The financial pieces are crucial, but sometimes they seem like some kind of puzzle. Pieces seem like they are fitting together and then some odd piece surfaces from nowhere. Keeping current is essential and we do the best we can.

You are accomplishing a lot and spring is coming!

[tyMI95]

My mother passed away on 1/20. I think my biggest challenge right now is the ability to look in the mirror.  I mean, I've always known I look like my mom, but now, good gravy, with her passing all I can see is her in the mirror staring back at me. I guess a positive spin would be I'll always be able to see her, but for now, not so much. 

Jen

[MarcyW882921]

I'm so sorry that you are facing the challenges of losing a parent (your Mom). I too have had a strong resemblance to my Mom and it has only gotten stronger as I have gotten older. I like your positive spin that you will always be able to see her when you look in the mirror and I may try that out when I look in the mirror. I think I can do that now after four years and hopefully you will too in time.

[CarolynS674392]

Hi all.  Sorry I've been offline for a while.  I'm doing ok.  Nice to be back.

[SueS788527]

Hi, Nicole, I read your post about hopefully your bills will go down.  Maybe that is true for food and other items related to being only one person.  However, I have found that many other items will stay the same, like rent, mortgage, real estate taxes, property taxes, regardless of only being one.  In addition to that, unless you have a dependent living with you, you will be taxed as single and get half the Federal standard deduction.  There is also impact on the state level depending what state you live in and if they have an income tax.  Sobering fact, which many don't know until they file the first year after their spouse passed.  

[SueS788527]

Hi, all, as Patti LaBelle said, "tomorrow is not a promise." Too often we defer having a good day due to our many emotions which are legitimate, but will we be regretful tomorrow?  I think balance is important but not always attainable.  

[Anonymous]

2 comments (2/7/23) Lack of healthy sleep due to neighbors from hell has been a challenge for this old lady. Lol, it is like you are already drained from thinking and grieving. But another kindred spirit from our AWESOME AND CARING Grief & Loss Forum reminded me last night via chat that soon I will have enough saved and Florida Housing will stabilize. Oh yes, NO more shared walls or parking lots for me. Thank you Lee @LeeS4949 for that reminder. Now to hang on to my GOAL of leaving Virginia and my cute Studio Apartment heading to a cute Small Cottage in Florida and in same state as my only child. My best friend! Luv you ALL, Nicole 🤗🤎

[MarcyW882921]

When faced with challenging situations like you described, my husband used to always remind me that it was "time limited." If that thought helps and you remain focused on your goal, you will get there!

[LeeS4949]

You are very welcome Nicole. I always look at the positives in life,I've found that doing that helps build a barrier of sorts against all of those uncaring and self absorbed people out there who always seem to emerge and creep into our lives. What you dream of WILL happen!