🤔 What CHALLENGE(s) Are YOU Facing RIGHT NOW?

[Anonymous]

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Stop by to tell us about YOUR CHALLENGE and support OTHER MEMBERS.

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

[MarcyW882921]

It's been a rough weekend and yes they can be lonely. There was heavy rain the past two mornings that prevented me from going out. I really need to get out the door in the morning to start my day. Finally some sun this afternoon so I could take a nature walk and go food shopping. On the positive side, there was a beautiful rainbow yesterday morning and I bumped into people today who smiled and/or said hello. 🙂

[mc6844]

A smile and hello to you Marcy! One foot in front of the other...

[SueS788527]

Hi, Nicole and all who posted comments or read each other's comments on this topic.  Yes, I agree with the sentiments shared even after a year of grieving.  I remember that someone responded earlier and said they had similar feelings after 5 years.  I guess we have to try to find a peaceful life with no regrets and feelings of self-worth.  Those goals in and of themselves are hard to attain and may take some time to adjust.  As I mentioned earlier, my biggest challenge has been the polarity of loneliness and also toxic relationships.  I guess when one is lonely it is natural to seek out others but not at the cost of your own mental and physical health.  I sense that we are still vulnerable since the passing of our loved one so don't put yourself in unnecessary bad relationships or situations.  Have an exit strategy when you go out or limit the time spent.  With winter and various respiratory diseases, we need to concentrate on staying well. As someone already pointed out, we are now on our own caregiver.  Scary thought, so maintaining health is critical.  I am trying to find interests or return to prior interests so that I can relax and start becoming more at ease at home and in doing so, hope to meet new people who share my interests.  That is probably doable and could be an unexpected pleasure.  Good luck everyone.  I know the weekends, especially with the extreme weather is a challenge.  Take care of yourself.  You have this forum for venting and sharing. 

[EileenP559346]

There are so many challenges.  Practical challenges like having to call repair people.  And then the hardest challenge.  It has been 8+ months and I feel more in the throws of missing him than I did a few months ago.  And the challenge is that my friends and family pretty much don't want to hear it anymore.  They don't know how to comfort me anymore.  And I totally get it.  But they may have moved on but I haven't.  I still need to talk about him and my pain.  I am starting Grief Share again this Sunday.  I really hope that helps.  I need something to help.  I wake up in the morning and my first thought is of him and how much I miss him.  I go to bed and my last thought is also of missing him.  I know my story isn't unique and I feel for each and every one of you that is also going through this terrible grief.  

[mc6844]

Hi Eileen - I can relate with the repairs. My shower curtain rod kept falling down. A handyman charges over $35 an hour. Or I could schedule time with a family member when they're not working to fix it. Or I can fix it myself. I was afraid to use a hammer on the

recently redone thin walls. So I'm trying self-stick non-damaging plastic things. The point is, such a small thing to get upset about. Then I remembered even if he were here he wouldn't have the strength to fix it anyway. Or like the check engine light on the car. My daughter and her husband are taking care of that, they are so sweet. But I hate to ask. They all have their own lives. The repairs can throw me for a loop if I let them. I guess it's the memories that he used to do the repairs. That must be why it upsets us so much. And a few little things can get big fast. I try to put things into perspective with maybe a neighbor or friend who understands, who has gone through the same things. Take care.

[BeatleloverKT]

Your path sounds like mine. And I’m into

year five. Don’t be hard on yourself. You 

can always talk here. We will always listen.

Because we are on this journey with you.

Take care 😢🙏

[LeeS4949]

I have to believe that he is watching over you,his hand on your shoulder and understands what you are feeling as only he can. I know that my saying that doesn't make it all any easier,its just something that makes me feel a tiny bit better somehow.

[Murphy8344]

My family and friends want a Celebration of Life which is ok, but ifI invite all of the people who are telling me they want to come, I can't afford it.

What do I say to these people?  How do I explain I can't afflord over a certain number of people?

[jonibee]

I would be truthful and say to these people your wanting to be involved is much appreciated but at this time we can only have immediate family members due to the high cost of things. Perhaps down the line or in the near future we can get together and have a more personal celebration of life. ..Thank You for being their in our time of need...

[SueS788527]

Hi, Nicole, thank you for being so proactive.  I noticed that you are a "trusted contributor" which is good for you.  Does this mean that you are affiliated with AARP and that is why you have so many valuable resources?  Just wondering.  Keep up the good work.  

[Anonymous]

1 comment (1/25/23) Well it was one of my feel sorry for myself days. But just now realized how AWESOME the folks were at my bank today. 🙂 Today was day number 2 of my famous 6am alarm going off to run errands and to be honest, thought about just laying in bed and not moving. But I got up and so GLAD I did! As the saying goes, the kindness of strangers fills us up. Luv you all, Nicole 🤎🤗

[CarolynS674392]

I'm thinking of you today Nicole.🙂

[BeatleloverKT]

@EileenP559346  As I go into year 5 without

him, I think his birthday and anniversary of death

are the hardest days. For me, his birthday came

less then 2 weeks before he died. So those two

dates are wrapped around each other forever

for me. I can tell you it gets easier but never

easy, if that makes sense. I am best if I’m alone 

on those days because I spend a lot of time in

tears. And I honor him those days especially by

doing something he enjoyed, if I can and thru

music. But it’s a very individual experience.

Prayers to you always 🙏🙏

[EileenP559346]

So, yesterday was his birthday.  First one without him.  First one of a lifetime without him.  As with Christmas and New Years the day after is worse than the actual day.  I am not sure why it is like that.  Yesterday my heart hurt, but today the tears are flowing more.  I am trying to keep busy but everything just brings me back to him.  The challenges I am facing and will continue to face are many, however I know that he (and God) gives me strength to get through.  I wish all of you the strength to get through the challenges we face....>Eileen

[CarolynS674392]

Thinking of you, Eileen.🙂

[MarcyW882921]

Be kind and gentle with yourself. It's what you need right now and with loving care you will continue to put one foot in front of the other.

[BeatleloverKT]

Thinking of all of you as I continue to put one 

foot in front of the other 🙏

[LeeS4949]

There are many thinking of you as well

[Anonymous]

1 comment (1/23/23) Good to hear from you today @BeatleloverKT 🤗🤎

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[LeeS4949]

Thank you for the kudo,I'm glad you are back. 😊

[CarolynS674392]

Being ignored.  My two sisters-in-law took me out to dinner for my birthday, but they, one especially, wouldn't talk to me when I spoke to her.  I was sitting across from both of them.  I said "Why are you ignoring me?"  and she said it was because she was eating.  Also, they are sisters, so when we get together they talk amongst themselves and don't include me.  Why take me out if you are not going to converse with me?  

Then, about a week before, I was at the hair salon and the one doing hair was talking to her client about a Polish market.  I tried to enter the conversation by asking where it was - about three times I tried to talk and they ignored me too.  What is it about me?

[mc6844]

I don't think it's you, Carolyn. Society in general doesn't seem as polite as it once was. Plus most people are under greater stress these days. I like the saying, "He has his eye on the sparrow..."  So there is always a place of comfort for us in His arms. Take care. 

[BeatleloverKT]

@LeeS4949 is spot on with her assessment. You have done nothing wrong. I also find myself in situations where I’m ignored. My solutions are I don’t engage in public convos with people I don’t know. Also the dinners with your SIL are probably something you should not continue. If it makes you feel that bad, and it is that bad, it’s better for you mentally to not go out with them. I have found it’s better to be alone then to be with people who make me feel bad about myself

[LeeS4949]

I'm thinking its them and not you. AS far as your in-laws go they come across as wanting to make everything about them,and they cant do that unless someone is with them. I suspect thats their motivation for inviting you. Their loss if you ask me. Self absorption in people these days is rampant to say the least. The hair dresser in question is a good example I think. Be sad if you must,I'm sad for them..

[CarolynS674392]

Yeah.  I had other people who wanted to take me out like my mom and dad and sister, but they asked first, so...  

I guess the only thing in common we have is we loved their brother (my husband).  Dan never ignored me.  He was the best person in the world.  Even he felt different from his family.

[CarolynS674392]

And then the one that's nicest keeps bugging me to get into texting.  I've told her I don't want to.  I have a flip phone and it's nearly impossible to text on one.  I'm not stupid.  In fact, I'm am quite intelligent and I'm really into the arts.  Maybe there's not a lot of people for me to relate to.  Also, they are in the work world and I am not.  Maybe they look down on me for not being as worldly as they are.

[LeeS4949]

Sounds like there might be some ego problems with them. Have you ever noticed that people with the biggest egos don't have any good reasons to have one? People who don't feel good about themselves ( them) want to drag others down to their level. (you) From what you've said and how you've articulately worded it I'm thinking you wont let that happen. Please dont.

[CarolynS674392]

Ok.  Thank you. 😀

[CarolynS674392]

This makes me cry.  I feel so sad.

[Anonymous]

1 comment (THURSDAY 1/12/23) Well, had a very "rough" week but was too full of hate to share. Yes, they say to "forgive" and I have not gotten to that level. And "forget" - never! But just now, it was like LIFE reminded me that I had come too far to let TOXIC folks infiltrate my mind. Take up so much space, you are cold and unfeeling. Nope, toxic person, you had your fun. Stepping away for a few days did help. Missing you MamaMae, Aunt Len and Aunt Edna. Rest in peace my ladies... 🤗🤗🤗🤎🤎🤎