🤗 WE are thinking of YOU! Please Stop By To See Us :)

[Anonymous]

▶️To reply, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your text. Click reply button again.◀️

WE cry, rejoice, talk, share!

Whatever YOU need, WE are here for YOU.

***YOU are a very SPECIAL person and WE want to hear from YOU***

Grief & Loss Team 🤗

[Anonymous]

7 comments (Thursday 5/25/23)

***EDITED: mixed you both up @mc6844 and @Cadee2719 = getting old)***

Dear @mc6844  thank you for asking! 🤎🤗

Been a good week "except" for my "suppose" to have done Walmart Weekly Food Run.

Lol, was "suppose" to do Wednesday, then TODAY! 🙄

Anyway, TOMORROW has to be the day as that is also "take trash to dumpster and get mail from mailbox"...

How is your book reading doing? 🤔

@Cadee2719 IF you don't mind my asking, how are your repairs coming along?🤔

So PROUD of you taking them "one repair at a time" 👍

Nicole 🙃

▶️@mc6844 wrote:

Thanks Nicole. Always nice to drop in and see how the group is doing! How are you?◀️

[mc6844]

Nicole, reading reminds me that we all have challenges in life. And that even in the most perfect surroundings and situations people bicker. So when people pass on situations can become even more strained. I try to look beyond the window and not just through it. And to remember that St. Francis said it's better to understand than to be understood. Unfortunately, there are those who are sick and enjoy hurting someone else. Usually out of insecurity for whatever reason. I do my best to detach. And I can learn a lot about relationships by reading fiction and non-fiction. 

[mc6844]

Nicole, it's important to eat well. Walmart also has home delivery. They deliver everything. Milk, ice cream, etc.  It's a few dollars more but handy when you don't feel up to the trip. But a low food supply easily leads to depression. Take care!

[Cadee2719]

My repairs are slow but happening.  Got the air conditioner in my car fixed and the filter.  It seems like I fix one thing and another breaks!   Shopping for an oven.   Two nights ago I was up ALL NIGHT, could not sleep and was feeling anxious.  The next day I was miserable.  I tried to sleep and got about an hours sleep after taking 1/4 of a xanax pill.   (I am not comfortable taking pills)   Have no idea what is going on.  Yes, if I move it will be far away from my daughter in law.  I truly try to be there for her but all she does is complain about my son who has left her financially secure.  She retired the day he died!    I bite my tongue each time I hear from her and don't want to ruin the relationship because I love my grandson so much.  I don't want to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself.  I am truly trying to get through this and wonder if I am just pretending.  Thank You Nicole for being there for me.  I am sincere in saying that the people on this site help me more than they will ever know.  

[mc6844]

Have a good day Cadee!

[MarcyW882921]

It's so good to see you posting Cadee. Happening is the key word for your repairs. You are being bombarded, but you're getting things done.

It is understandable that you feel like you have no idea what's going on. You are grieving, you have things breaking, and you have issues with your DIL. For me it would be the lack of sleep that you mentioned. Most people need adequate sleep to deal with normal everyday things and our bodies (including our brains) do not function well without it. 

I think you are wise to try to maintain a relationship with your DIL in a way that doesn't drain you. She is still a connection to your son as the woman he chose to share his life with and to bear his child. Your son lives on in your grandson.

You will get through this!

Marcy

[mc6844]

Cadee I've found when I'm overtired, worried and stressed everything is harder. Its OK to feel sorry for yourself. I just don't let myself get in a funk. There are people who really don't have caring or sensitive ways of doing things. But there are many other people who do. Those are the ones I turn to when I need support. And this is a good place to express your feelings. And then I try to get on with my day. Take care Cadee. The people here care about you and understand what you're going through.

[mc6844]

Cadee I know how a repair can be overwhelming. It's the repair itself, dealing with service personnel, scheduling the time for repair etc. And then there's the emotional thoughts that perhaps your husband handled the repairs and the fact he's not there. Even if he was sick it was still a form of support. It's all the things that need kept up around the house and what it entails. Distance from house, like going for a walk, or seeing how a neighbor is, reminds me of options. The AARP site has so many interesting articles. Except slowing down and caring for your health I think is the most important. Take care

[Anonymous]

1 comment (Tuesday 5/23/23)

So GOOD to hear from you TODAY @mc6844 !!!! 💃🥳

Nicole 🤎🙃🤗

[mc6844]

Thanks Nicole. Always nice to drop in and see how the group is doing! How are you?

[Anonymous]

4 comments (5/20/23) Just finished my 5-hour FREE Cozy Mystery "audiobook" on YOUTUBE.

Starting a FREE movie on TUBI.

Lol, note the word FREE 😂🤣

One of those days of "staying" in bed.....

NEEDED to "recharge and NOT think" = prepare for a NEW week.

Nicole 🙃

[mc6844]

Nicole, I can't find on the thread where you asked me what am I reading. I'm reading 

Mother Angelica: Her Grand Silence by

Raymond Arroyo. It's about the winding down 

of her ministry and life. And aging.

[MarcyW882921]

Books and movies are great ways to transport yourself to a new location (without the headaches of travel or moving)! Your imagination can be set free and your mind can take a well deserved break from stress, grief, etc.

Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

1 comment (5/20/23) Thanks Marcy @MarcyW882921 .

The Cozy Mystery audiobooks HELP me to "sleep" = the 5-hour one was from YESTERDAY. As usual, had to "startover" from where I LAST "remembered" the story from. Some days/nights may require several "startovers"/lol 😂🤣

So GRATEFUL for the "authors" who provide these FREE on YouTube. 💃🥳

Nicole 🤎🤗

---

▶️@MarcyW882921 wrote:

Books and movies are great ways to transport yourself to a new location (without the headaches of travel or moving)! Your imagination can be set free and your mind can take a well deserved break from stress, grief, etc.

Enjoy!◀️ 

[MarcyW882921]

I would be doing startovers too! The local library is a great resource too for audio books and movies. I download most of my books from the library so I don't even have to go there.

Marcy

[Anonymous]

1 comment (5/19/23) Dear Kathy @BeatleloverKT , you and @Cadee2719 NEED a break!!! Way TOO MUCH on your plates. I am so sorry "dear friend" and YOU STAY in my thoughts. WE are ALWAYS here for you, Nicole 🤗🤎

[BeatleloverKT]

Thank u Nicole, that means a lot to me 🙏💜

[BeatleloverKT]

It has been and continues to be a very rough stretch for me. Major family drama (not my family, the other

side) has created more stress then I could ever have imagined. Am still dealing with a personal stressful agenda and have been brutalized by these people. Called every name in the book. People can be so hurtful. And grieving the loss of the Deptford NJ officer who lost his battle. He was my sons friend and the funeral was this week. I guess this is a test of how much I can take. But I don’t think I can take much more. Asking for prayers for myself because I need them now more than ever 🙏🙏

[mc6844]

Prayers. Take care! 

[MarcyW882921]

Thinking of you today! 

Marcy

[Anonymous]

(1 comment) So GOOD to hear from you dear Marcy @MarcyW882921 , Nicole 🤎🤗

---

▶️@MarcyW882921 wrote:

Thinking of you today! 

Marcy◀️ 

[MarcyW882921]

Thanks Nicole. I'ts good to hear from you! 🙂

[Cadee2719]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I, too, am dealing with a family member (daughter-in-law) who is constantly crying & complaining to me about my son dying and how hard it is on her.  She forgets that it was MY son that died and that his father died a few months later.  She shows no empathy for anyone but herself.  You need to avoid these people and focus on YOUR healing and YOUR becoming stronger.  We are here for you.  This site consists of loving, caring people that know what we are going through and truly do care.  I know that it is a struggle but one that we must fight our way through.  I feel that at the end we will come out stronger than ever.   Be kind to yourself.

[BeatleloverKT]

Thank u @Cadee2719 @The support and prayers mean so much. I’m sorry for what

you’re going thru as well. It’s a tricky slope the grieving process. Your DIL should join a group maybe. It’s too much to put on your plate with all your losses. Prayers to you

🙏🙏

[MarcyW882921]

These situations require thoughtful consideration. In an ideal world these family members who have experienced the loss of the same person but in different roles, would be great sources of comfort and support and vise versa. However in less than ideal circumstances, these same people can be toxic and draining. Just like in an airplane, you need to take care of yourself first by putting on your mask before you try to help others. Figure out what you need to take care of yourself and then look at these other folks to see if they fit into that self-care plan.

[MarcyW882921]

So sorry that your family drama and stress continue to torment you. Dealing with another loss just compounds the situation. I’m sending prayers that you will find some peace and refuge from the storms!

”That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”  —Friedrich Nietzsche

[BeatleloverKT]

Thank you @MarcyW882921 The support

and prayers mean everything to me

[Anonymous]

5 comments (5/18/23) Oh my goodness, OUR @Cadee2719 stopped in to chat with us. HAPPY DANCE!!! 💃🥳

Lol, you have been on my mind "dear friend" but wanted to give you some space as I am giving OUR Kathy @BeatleloverKT .

Some days and nights, WE all just DO NOT feel like "talking" and will when WE feel up to it.

Okay, some "questions" and as usual NO PRESSURE to answer. 👍

(1) Have you thought about contacting the LOA (local office of aging) for YOUR area? 🤔

They look out for us OLD folks in several ways.

So many SCAMS going on with "repairs" and IF you need assistance with costs, they would know where to go.

(2) Do you have any ideas on what STATE?

Virginia (at least in Roanoke) was CHEAP and OLD people friendly.

Lol, Florida, EXPENSIVE and we won't even mention the ELECTRIC bill from year-round heat!!! 😱

Luv you my friend,

Nicole 🤗🤎

[Cadee2719]

Thank You  I will check in with the LOA office.  I have relatives in Idaho and Pennsylvania.  I guess it will be a discussion with my son to see which state he is interested in.   He was the one that said we should relocate.   I feel bad for him as my only remaining son, he feels pressure of being the only child and thinks he is responsible for replacing his brother/father.  I keep telling him that I can do it and he has his own life to live.  He has yet to deal with the deaths of his brother, father and uncle.  It has been 6 1/2 months since I lost my son, husband and brother.  Do you think I am making decisions to relocate too soon?  It is so nice to have a format to ask these questions and to have these conversations.

[MarcyW882921]

Continue to: encourage your son to be his own person and show him with actions that you are handling things (because you are). Much of the literature says you shouldn't make any major decisions for a year after a loss. Just like the grief process is unique to each person I think the timing for decision-making is different for each person too. Relocating is a big decision and is an additional stressor. I agree with Nicole that when you are ready, making a list of pros and cons is a good idea. Things like climate, moving expenses, car insurance rates, utility rates, homowner's/renter's insurance, housing availability, property taxes, state taxes, health care, support systems, etc.