Dear @CarolD435501 , It is very normal to still cry. I do too and I just passed the nine month anniversary. I think it's important to watch for things that may signal that professional help is needed. Is the crying constant? Are you doing routine things (eating, bathing, getting dressed, caring for your home, etc)? Are you engaging in hobbies or activities of interest? Are you communicating with family/friends? I could go on but you get the idea.
It sounds like you have a spiritual connection and that is a good thing. So now you are special to your husband (because you are with him and he is with you) and you feel the Lord's presence so you are special in that sense too. How about being special to family or even to yourself? Sometimes we must look and search a little deeper to see things through our grief.
Your loss will always be a part of you. Your husband was and is a significant part of your life that you won't forget. We would love to go back to that life we had with our loved one, but we can't. A book I read recently Different after You: Rediscovering Yourself and Healing after Grief and Trauma talks about going through a birth at the moment of our loved one's passing and it's not a pretty birth. The loss makes us a different person whether we like it or not, but the good thing is we can decide what our new person will be.
Know that you are special CarolD!
