Crisis Mode

[KimberlyM389662]

Good morning everyone. I am so sorry that I haven't posted in a while but,  I am still here and trying to survive.  I saw my therapist last week and I have asked for an emergency appointment which I have today. I realized over the weekend that I am in a crisis mode.  I am sad, angry, depressed and anxious all at the same time. I think it's more anger than anything else.  I am still very angry at my husband but I just hit the one year mark. I am also angry with my brother because he has chosen his 4TH WIFE over his family and instead of being rational he said somethings to hurt me to my soul. He will always be my brother and I will always love him but for now,  we do not have anything to do with each other.  The only good thing about it was that I finally got to tell his wife off which had been building up for years. He doesn't respect our mother and, I feel sorry for him because we lost our Dad 34 years ago and as we all know in this group, tomorrow is not a given. I just hope that he makes peace before it's too late.  As for our beautiful boy: He will be 8 months old on the 16th, is over 50 pounds and has decided to pose for Playgirl for dogs,  LOL. 

[SueS788527]

Hi, Kimberly, I feel your pain and worries.  Unfortunately, there is no immediate way to handle not only the loss of your loved one but also addressing the triggers of past experiences.  I am glad you did talk to your sister-in-law about how you feel.  Sometimes that is necessary. I recently did that as well and although painful for her, it liberated me.  Grieving is hard enough and I am finding that excess past baggage is drawn in like a magnet.  Just take it one day at a time.  You are already being honest with your emotions (which many do not and therefore don't get over their grief if ever).  I have found that gratitude and thanking those who helped along the way did make a difference.  Not everyone is insensitive, although initially I thought so too.  Continue to get the moral support you need.  As I have previously shared, GriefShare made a huge impact in turning my fear and anger into some feeling of normalcy.  I am now concentrating on forgiveness, as my Lenten goal.  It has been difficult, but I keep remembering that with forgiveness, you set yourself free of hostilities and anger. Good luck and hopefully, you are having some moments of peace.  Best wishes, your friend, Sue