🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT ,

It was a great weekend of learning, singing, and socializing. I only wish I could have done it all without the headache caused by this weather front. I am home safely and hoping for some relief soon.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[SueS788527]

Hi, Nicole, I read your question about types of volunteering I am doing.  That is a good question because I now realize after 2 years that I have to find the right fit for me.  Since I have been evolving during this time as well some of my initial ventures turned out not to fit.  The people I interact with matter to me.  I do best when I can use my strengths to help others while at the same time working with others who are open to doing their best.  That is not always the case.  In those situations where it didn't work, the other "volunteers" turned out to be very set in their ways and want servants to do what has always been done.  Serving others does not mean being someone else's lackey.  As Fred Sanford said on the TV show, I am too old to do this.  I found working with other kindred spirits who are receptive and easy to get along with makes a difference for me.  Thinking out of the box for doing some things perhaps slightly differently would be good.  However, many of the so-called leaders in these local groups have built a fiefdom.  That doesn't work.  Don't be afraid to gently move away from what is really a potentially toxic situation. I will share more at another time.  Good night and good luck. 

[SueS788527]

hI, Nicole, by what I can see from all the responses you are receiving there are many who value the chance to share their experiences.  I have learned that forgiveness is important when we grieve.  I too have had my share of toxic encounters.  If I can, I try to minimize contact.  In other cases, I keep the conversation light.  I used to take their comments to heart, which is bad, since it is already fragile with hurt and pain after my husband's loss.  Take pride in yourself and know you are doing the best you can.  Love yourself, which many of us may not think about doing. This perspective can help with dealing with difficult people.  In time, you may begin to see them as also struggling with loss.  Not everyone is articulate or kind.  This may be their reaction to the pain.  While I am not excusing that behavior, I am beginning to take a more kindhearted approach including feeling sorry for their pain.  Everyone needs time and patience to continue on the grievance journey which unfortunately will continue.  Regaining balance and equilibrium helps, as one widower shared with me.  I thought the word equilibrium brought another element into this picture.  Hang in there and remember the good you are doing by reaching out to others.  Your friend, Sue

[SummerIsTooHOT]

[response] Sue @SueS788527 , your TOPICS are a BLESSING to us. I hope you will continue to "bless" us with your POSTS  💙💙💙

[SueS788527]

Thank you, Nicole, for the kind words.  They mean a lot to me and I am glad that others who are joining in on this important blog can also share their experiences, views and advice.  There are no judges or critics here and that makes all the difference.  I have been thinking about you all and hope that January is providing a new perspective and possibly opening up new opportunities to cope with our losses.  I have to say that I have been depressed and feeling very alone again.  I am still looking for meaningful ways to fill the void left by my husband's death.  Intuitively, I know Love is the answer, but what does that entail?  On a positive note, I have built a strong support group from my Partner in Loss widows and widowers.  That means a lot.  I am also doing more volunteer work as well. I have to remember to take it slow (step by step 🙂).  There are no quick solutions.  I hope we can all find our peace during these long winter months.  Keep up your spirits and know that we are not alone.  Your friend, Sue

[mc6844]

Hope you're feeling better soon. Good spring weather should be on the way. That sure helps! Take care, Sue.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Thursday 1/25/24) CHAT!

HOW ARE YOU?  🤔

Not much going on today, just hoping my daughter gets a chance to do Our Weekly Video Call today. We do it each week - weekdays, before 3pm ET if she is NOT traveling, buried at work or not feeling well. Well LAST week had ALL three. Lol, this week - just BURIED at work.

Her birthday is TOMORROW  🎂

Find YOUR PEACE TODAY  💙💙💙

[mc6844]

Hope your daughter had a good birthday and you got your video chat time! Take care, Nicole.

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT ,

I hope you got your video call in today with your daughter. I know it is an important part of your week. 

I will be participating in an educational weekend beginning tomorrow. I'm looking forward to learning and spending time with my musical family.🎶

Have a relaxing and enjoyable weekend!

Marcy

[jonibee]

Just chjecking in to let you  know that I am doing okay..I've been dealing with home problems and illness not serious but just enough to make you feel blah...I read an interesting piece about diabetes and depression and stress and life changes  which can make the onset of this quite suddenly as it affects ones blood sugar levels..A great book on reversing diabetes by Readers Digest that I acquired from the Salvation Army thrift store for under $3.00 ..I have been battling my blood sugar levels and It's understandable when one has lost a loved one and all Hell breaks loose..I have my set back days off and on but look to keeping myself occupied and busy starting a new hobby that I shelved in the past painlting of drawing ..Plus I bought an Irish whistle and want to learn how to play that or even a harmonica ...I am an avid reader also of all types of books..So you see I do keep myself occupied not only on this site but on other levels..Thinking of all with good thoughts and wishes for peace and happiness and good health...

[mc6844]

Thank you Joni. Hope you're feeling better and your interests give you relief from other things like household doings etc. Take care!

[SummerIsTooHOT]

[response] Cadee  , I hope you got your car back "in time" for your doctor's appointment today. SO GLAD it is fixed "finally"  💃💃💃

Did you make it to your 1/24/24 Doctor's Appointment?  🤔

So GLAD you stopped by Cadee 💙💙💙

@Cadee2719 

[Cadee2719]

Hi  Nicole.  I think they were just taking advantage of me.  Yes, they were VERY busy but I MADE an appointment for my car.  The service person kept saying it was the gas TANK and they had to put smoke in it to detect the leak $402 (but didn't do it), then the part was backordered, then they broke the clip on the tank and had to order it from Chicago $452.  So on the morning of my doctor's appointment they call me at 7:30 and say the car will be ready at 9.  My doctor's appointment is at 10!!  When I picked up the car and saw the paperwork IT WAS NOT THE GAS TANK, it was the Fuel pump which they replaced????  Cost a fortune, $1,576.96.  I am so glad that I will NEVER have to return to this dealer ever again.  They kept my car a week to repair a fuel pump???? Made it to my appointment and the doctor said he would electronically send my records to the new doctor I find in Idaho.  Today is the eye doctor and believe it or not the Rheumatologist ordered MORE blood to be drawn before my next appointment.   I am taking the new medication, no changes yet.   February 1stI go to my diabetic doctor and I AM DONE WITH ALL THE DOCTORS.  Doing minor repairs on the house and calling the listing agent.  My son flew to Idaho this morning.  The moving truck is arriving today with his furniture.  SOON I hope to be out of here.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY  to your precious daughter.  ♥️  Thank You for caring.

[mc6844]

Cadee, that is a lot to go through. I know its not easy, especially with the car. Take care.

[Cadee2719]

It seems that since the deaths of my husband, son and brother last year it has been one thing after another.  It never stops.  I am hoping that once I move I can settle down and not have so many issues to deal with.  I am exhausted and want nothing but a simple, calm life.  I pray for this each night.    How are you doing?  ♥️

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Friday 1/26/24)

Cadee @Cadee2719 , thank you - lol, she will be "hanging out" with her friends and keeping the "details" to herself. Hmmm, probably going to a club and KNOW I hate when she does - way too much "shooting" in them!!!  😱😱😱

NOT TOO MUCH LONGER for Idaho  💃💃💃

[Cadee2719]

  My son is currently in Idaho with the moving company.  I decided to paint my bathroom!!  He will kill me if he knew.  😁  It is a small bathroom and I decided not to remodel it so I will simply paint it while my son is gone.    I am soooo sick of all the doctor visits, etc.  I am waiting on some pool repairs and then I am calling the realtor.  

[SummerIsTooHOT]

 [response] MC , how are you doing? 🤔

 @mc6844

[mc6844]

Thanks for asking Nicole. Tired here. How are you?

[SummerIsTooHOT]

Have a PEACEFUL day!!!

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  Thank You Nicole.  I am "trying" to stay positive and be patient.  There is very little I can do about it.  Each time they call me, the PRICE GOES UP!  

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[KellytheBelly]

It's unfortunate, but when someone tells me they luv me, how can I trust them? I have been burned so many times. I've lost so many people in my life, I don't know where to begin with that, sadly. Who can I turn to for good guidance and support? I don't think I can get this here, maybe some suggestions outside of this AARP forum on this? Thanks!

---

@SummerIsTooHOT wrote:

🔊  Group Discussion: WE ALL have times when we feel we have taken steps BACKWARD (feeling sad, discouraged). During THOSE TIMES, what "helps" YOU to hit the GAS PEDAL TO MOVE FORWARD?  🤔

[mc6844]

1. Kelly, it was suggested to me a long time ago to take what people say at face value. If things prove otherwise I can always change my mind later. It was also suggested not to stand under a tree with birds. Birds flock together. We can't always be in flocks we find comfort and understanding. You probably know by now the signs of unhealthy living. It will give you guidelines for moving forward. There are many good, and very fine people in this world.

[KellytheBelly]

Thanks for your feedback. It is appreciated! The unhealthy living is pretty much resolved. Those people who have affected me are deceased and I do not grieve for them. I am trying to forget them, but they keep cropping up in my mind, or conversation(s). That's a struggle I have. Not interested in being in a flock, just some one-on-one with a friend and someone I can trust. I have my husband, true. But, I mean having one more friend, one that doesn't tell me they love me immediately. This makes me uncomfortable, and poses as a red-flag to me. That's another thing I've been dealing with. Anyway, thanks for your response. Kelly

---

@mc6844 wrote:

1. Kelly, it was suggested to me a long time ago to take what people say at face value. If things prove otherwise I can always change my mind later. It was also suggested not to stand under a tree with birds. Birds flock together. We can't always be in flocks we find comfort and understanding. You probably know by now the signs of unhealthy living. It will give you guidelines for moving forward. There are many good, and very fine people in this world.

---

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Friday 1/19/24)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 - are you OK?  💙💙💙 

[MarcyW882921]

Hey Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT . Yes I am doing well. I guess I packed a lot in my schedule this week and it looks like I did the same for next week. I'm not stressing so it's ok. Thanks for checking on me!

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

3 comments (Friday 1/19/24) CHAT!

HOW ARE YOU?  🤔

Another quiet day for me. No running around until Monday for my Walmart Food Run!  💃💃💃

My daughter is feeling better and now back to NEVER being at home. Lol, was NICE her "needing" Ma (me) so I could do my thing to help her feel better...  😎

Maintenance DIDNOT arrive "yesterday" = MAYBE today...  🤣🙄😂

Find YOUR PEACE TODAY  💙💙💙

[Cadee2719]

 So glad that your daughter is feeling better.  We "Moms" feel the world is a better place when our children are doing well.  ❤️